Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

How are you going today? I am glad you find comfortable posting on the forums here and hope you can continue to do so. It is always good to hear from you. Please keep in touch.

With loving thoughts xox

Your friend Jojo 🌻

[Saree_p]

Dearest Jojo,

How are you doing?

Jojo and I are here, please let us know how you are when you are able to.

Lots of love,
Saree

[Saree_p]

Sorry, meant Dearest Lilly. Brain fart moment

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

You are in my thoughts and prayers today. How are you feeling?

I went to my GP this week. I always book my appointment at 12.30 because I have discovered this is the first appointment after my GPs lunch break. This means I don’t have long to wait and at one stage I was the only one in the waiting room.

It might be worthwhile for you to do the same and book appointments after your GPs lunch break? That way you are in and out much more quickly.

Hope you are managing to find a peaceful place in your mind and distract yourself from all the negative thoughts xox

Your friend Jojo 🌻

[White_Rose]

Hello Jojo and Saree

Thank you for being such a great support for Lilly. Unfortunately I have been out of action for a while after having a procedure in hospital which has resulted in further problems. I am tired but I wanted to thank you for keeping faith with Lilly. In terms of trusting anyone I think Lilly can have no better model than you two. You have been posting to her frequently with supportive comments, showing her there are trustworthy people around and telling her how valuable she is. Fantastic.

Mary

[White_Rose]

Hello Lilly

I can feel your anguish about life and how much you long for peace. It is attainable if you will do as Jojo suggested and trust yourself a little more. You have been relying on your own strength for some time now and although it may not feel like it you have been winning the battle.

Therapy is a longer term option. No use pretending anyone can help you to heal overnight although it would be nice. It is often a matter of going back every time, being more open every time and letting the psychiatrist help you. I believe we need to allow others into our lives in order to get well again. You don't have the answers you need to get well and we cannot give you these answers because we do not have the expertise. We can walk with you and encourage you but you must reach out.

Lilly, as long as you remain locked away your pain will continue. Let someone in to fight with you. Start slowly, do some small things and see how it works. At the moment you are sabotaging yourself. You can care for your family which means you can care for yourself. See your GP and get a referral. Instead of hiding come out into the light and be determined to get well. This half existence is not helping. In fact it makes everything worse because you can see where you want to be but will not make the move to get there.

Make an honest effort. You will be surprised where that will lead.

Mary

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo , saree, Mary .

Thank you all for caring . I do think there are a few trustworthy people like all of you and I am sorry you have felt the need to care about me because I am honestly not worth it . I do appreciate your help and compassion but I think I have just fought this battle for too long .

I am sorry saree that things didn’t go well today . It makes me angry . You are a kind soul that deserves there help . It’s not fair but I think you will get the help you need . Jojo is such a inspiration so hold her hand .

You are right Mary I am sabotaging myself because I don’t choose life . I can’t come out into the darkness because I can’t or don’t want to see the light . I don’t have anything left to give to fight the fight .

My thoughts are racing and I can’t find that peaceful place . There isn’t one . I need to stay in the darkness because I am protected . I can’t expect anyone to understand because I have never told my story . And I know everyone has one . My story will never be told . So whatever happens will happen . Maybe I don’t want to be saved anymore .

I haven’t posted because it’s been hard to find my voice and explain how bad this is . Not wanting to impact others .

Thank you all for your help. I am so sorry for everything . I can only hang my head in embarrassment and disbelief from the trouble I have caused .

I really do think you are trustworthy people . And sorry again

Lilly

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo, saree, Mary .

I am sorry for letting you all down . It’s not my intention . I hope you don’t think I don’t appreciate your kindness . I feel so selfish . I am so sorry for everything . I just can’t come out of my dark place . .

I can’t trust things won’t be the same if I seek help. I can’t trust that when I do seek help I am still living this emotional pain .

I am so sorry I hate myself so much for the trouble I am causing . I feel so sad and emotional about it all I am beating myself up. As if I couldn’t hate myself anymore than what I do now .

I am such a failure even with caring friends like you. I do push people away . I have never had such caring friends like you. I don’t mean to hurt any of you.

Sorry for everything

lilly

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo ,

I am sorry I have let you down . I don’t deserve the title as being your friend .

You are so wonderful Jojo . I can’t explain how cherished you are . Supporting everyone on the forum . You are really are a amazing person .

I am sorry I haven’t responded to your posts. I am in a dark place. It’s been hard making it to morning fighting suicide every night .

Sorry for everything

Lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Please believe me you have not caused any trouble so you don’t have to feel embarrassed. You are so hard on yourself it deeply saddens me. You must have been hurt very badly?

I am truly sorry you haven’t found anyone to trust your story with, but I am an optimist and pray one day that may change and you will be able to lighten your load.

Lilly I am always here to listen and support you, hold your hand, light a candle for you, and tonight I will sit with you awhile if you like as I know how long the night can be.

I am am here for you if you feel like talking about anything at all no matter how small.

I have my little dog asleep on my lap right now and she is snoring 💤 which always makes me smile - so cute! Do you have any pets?

With kind thoughts xox

Your friend Jojo 🌻