Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Saree_p]

Dearest Lilly,

Jojo's music suggestion is a brilliant one - go in armed with it favourite songs. Also playing games on your phone whilst you wait? Solitare or something.

Hope your day is a little better today?

Lots of Love,

Saree

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Just wanted to say hello and see how you are feeling today? Saree & I will be with you too should you decide to make another mh appointment. What you experience is probably more common than you realise so there is nothing to feel embarrassed about.

I for one used to feel terrible anxiety and had a social worker or psych nurse come with me. However, over time I have become used to appointments and can now manage them by myself.

Kind thoughts to you xox

Your friend Jojo 🌻

[White_Rose]

Hello Lilly

How are you going? I think most of us can remember those first appointments with a psychologist or psychiatrist and the anxiety it produced. It does take time to get accustomed to being there and to fully take part in the therapy. I used to wander around the psych's office or stand at the window staring out. Didn't want to be there but also did not want to leave. Amazing!

I meant to write more to you but I am falling asleep at the keyboard so had best go to bed. Pleasant dreams Lilly and never give up the fight. Hopefully I can post tomorrow

Mary

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo , saree, Mary.

Saree it’s such good news you are feeling better. I am so happy for you. You are worth saving saree . Your strength amazes me everyday 🙂

Thank you all for caring , I am not good I am hardly making it through the night . I feel completely out of control . My agitation, anxiety and depression is absolutely consuming me. I have to stop this . I can cope with it anymore . I am so extremely exhausted I wonder how I am still standing .

I need peace . This constant thinking is eating me up until nothing is left . Really wonder why I am still here . There isn’t any point being around.

I cant seek help I just can’t go to the doctor or psychiatrist and walk out wondering how I will make it to the next appointment . I have done this over and over again . It’s like another piece of me is lost every time . I couldn’t even make it to the appointment anyway .

Mary I was exactly the same with panic the day I left the hospital . I new I wouldn’t cope on the outside. But I didn’t want to be there either . Too terrified to leave my room . I didn’t feel safe .

I am a failure with my family . I wish they had a different mum. I feel bad they ending up with me . I actually don’t know where I went wrong but being the main person raising them I obviously only have myself to blame .

Thank you all for your help. You are all such kind hearted beautiful soles .

Lilly 🌺

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

Just like Saree you are worth saving too and you amaze me every single day. You question how you are still standing and that is because you are tremendously strong and determined.

However, this strength is not healthy and it is hurting you. You are blocking out everyone who is qualified to help. I know you are guarded and have walls up with good reason, but when you are struggling this much don’t you think it’s time to be brave and trust someone?

I hope and pray you can manage to do this because I really value your friendship and just want you to get the support you so badly need.

With loving thoughts xox

Your friend Jojo 🌻

[Saree_p]

Dearest Lilly,

Please heed the words of Jojo.

Please try to reach out and get some help so you can just relieve the thoughts for even 5 mins. I would strongly advise you try the online chat with BB and be honest about s. Let them help you through your anxiety around it - I know this is easier said than done, but I think this will truly be the easiest way for you.

Or do try your GP - the music idea was awesome and I didn't realise until Jojo said, it's one of the tactics I have always used, along with a good drive in the car.

I do get how hard it is to open up, trust and be honest - it truly do, but surely it has to be better than the hell you currently exist in?

Lilly, you can do this, you just need a little break from it to see that. Please let someone help you get that little break.

Thoughts are with you, hope the night is easier tonight - even though I guess I know it won't be for you. How I wish we could change that for you!

Lots of love,

Saree

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo ,

Sorry trust I will never have . It will leave me vulnerable. Trust is something earned and then broken .

It’s ok . Sorry for being a never ending problem .

Thankyou for your kindness

your friend Lilly 🌺

[Lilly99]

Dear saree,

Thank you for your advice. But I just can’t reach out . This forum is all I can manage because I don’t have to face anyone .

It’s wonderful how much better you sound . Jojo is such a wonderful help .

I cant do what you have done saree . I am so happy you got the help you needed .

Thank you so much for your help. Please don’t think I don’t appreciate what you have said . Because I truly do . I just can’t put my guard down my anxiety has reached a point I just can’t face anything or reach out for help ..

Take care of yourself saree.

Your friend Lilly 🌸

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

The first person you probably need to trust is yourself Lilly. That will give you confidence in yourself and the ability to manage your feelings. I agree with you that trust in others needs to be earned, however, disagree that it will always be broken. There are many trustworthy people to be found.

You are not an unending problem- you are vulnerable and scared, hiding from the world. I wish you could remove a few bricks from the wall you have built around you in order to get help. Just enough so that you still remain safe. Do you think you could do that Lilly?

Please try, don’t continue down this path of hurt and pain. Everyone on these forums are right behind you willing you on to get proper support.We care about you so much.

Deep down only you know what will help you get well - trust that because it is your spirit speaking. Listen to that and don’t be afraid. You deserve to get well, you deserve to be happy, you deserve to have a bright future and you deserve to enjoy being a good Mum.

Choose life Lilly, choose life. You are so worth it xox

Your friend Jojo 🌻

[Saree_p]

Dearest Lilly,

I do understand, having been there.
Jojo's post may be of some help?

I was listening to Sia's song (Not sure which one), but the lyrics - I'm only holding on for tonight. Made me think of you and wonder how your doing.

It's so hard when the anxiety is so engulfing that it traps you into your depression and thought cycles.

I do hope you can pull out a few bricks to get some help.

I believe in you Lilly,

Lots of love,
Saree