Feeling desperate to make this stop

[Lilly99]

Hi there, this is my first post which is really scary. Anyway I am not good feeling really depressed and anxious . I have tried everything psychiatrists, psychologists. Mental health nurses. Medication , I even spent 4 weeks in mental hospital to have tms which obviously didn’t work . Anyway feeling like life isn’t worth living . I feel like I have had enough of this battle called life . No matter what I try nothing works . I couldn’t be more of a joke and a waste of space really what’s the point I am never going it get better . Do people ever truly get better?

[Saree_p]

Sweet Lilly,

I hope you are ok? I mean more in the sense of breathing (whilst suffercating yes). I confess worried, as you haven't posted on your normal schedule.

The world needs people like you.

[blondguy]

Hey Lilly

I know that you have and are going through a really rough time... Jojo100...Saree...WhiteRose and Sophie have provided such helpful and proactive support too!

I understand what you are going through as mental illness can make our lives a misery. I just wanted to mention how strong you are by posting on the forums with us

I admire your strength to create a thread and be as articulate as you are. I am envious as it took me weeks to summon the strength to do what you have in such a short period of time

Can I ask what your thoughts are about using support lines like Beyond Blue's 1300 22 4636 or our good friends at Lifeline on 13 11 14 ? These are only two of the many kind organizations that can provide the gentle assistance that will help you help yourself during this difficult time

what do you think Lilly?

my kindest always

Paul

[Lilly99]

Hi Jojo , Mary and saree.

Mary has asked some important questions that I can’t answer. Well find the words. But I will try .Mary you asked me what I want . Well I think someone to save me from myself . I know what I am capable of . I think I am self destructing on purpose maybe because I need this to stop so desperately .

I cant go back to my doctor my anxiety is through the roof or even contemplate seeing another psychiatrist . The last 3 I waited 30-45 minutes to see them then I was only in there for 15 minutes and sent packing with a prescription .

I am so sorry I have been a burden . This wasn’t my intention .

I emailed bb like Sophie requested and didn’t get a response . When I phoned the suicide call back I couldn’t speak and tell them how bad this is .

It is really hopeless .

I do really appreciate all your help. I know there is only so much you can do in this forum . I think it just helped to vent . Sorry for wasting everyone’s time .

Thankyou again for your help

Lilly

[Lilly99]

Hi Paul ,

I have tried phone lines but can’t get the words out because I become agitated, anxious and very emotional . I can’t open up to help myself .

It’s really hopeless

Thank you for your kind words . But I look at it as being very pathetic and needy .

Lilly

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo ,

The drink and shower helped a little I just think I was past the point of calming down .

I hope saree made it through the night . I sent a post but it didn’t get posted until hours later .

I cant do this anymore Jojo . My journey is coming to a end. I finding it hard to stop the urge of ending this . I am exhausted trying to fight it .

I cant get help because I know it’s just going to be the same . And now I am at the point I couldn’t even try . I have had enough of getting help and never getting better . Or trying and failing so miserably .

I wish things could have been different .

Thank you so much for your help. You are a dear friend

your friend Lilly 🌺

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo ,

It’s all my fault what’s happened to seree. I didn’t see what was going on until late and my message didn’t get through .

I couldn’t give anymore advice because I don’t have any voice. I am a Gutless wonder .

Sometimes I don’t respond to posts because I am in a bad way myself . I don’t know how to help someone in the same position as me unlike seree who can .

I hate this person I have become .

Sorry Jojo , really i am

lilly

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

You are not a burden and definitely are not wasting everyone’s time. I am glad posting helps you vent which is important to get some of your feelings out. That’s why I suggested writing on your computer (password protected) to help express yourself.

To get well you need to find a way to work on yourself Lilly, find a way that suits you and doesn’t overwhelm you. That’s why I suggested reading some self help books so that you can go at your own pace.

Hopefully this might help build trust and confidence in yourself so that you are eventually able to speak up.

I have told you before I used to be unable to speak at appointments and overcame it by writing things down. It was always a huge relief to share and get things off my chest.

I hope some day you will be able to share at least some of your story with someone because then healing can begin.

Wishing you well & thinking of you today xox

Your friend Jojo 🌻

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo ,

Thank you for your advice . I can’t even bring myself to even write what I need to say and then turn up to a appointment with it .

I can’t do this anymore Jojo I have had enough. I couldn’t even help seree. Hope she is ok I am such a failure in life .

I have sent a few posts but they are not getting through .

Thank you Jojo for your help

Your friend Lilly 🌺

[Jojo100]

Dear Lilly

I meant for you to vent on your computer as well as on the forums- not to take to an appointment as I get it you wouldn’t feel comfortable doing that.

You are not a failure. You are doing the best you can xox

Your friend Jojo 🌻

[Lilly99]

Dear Jojo ,

Hiow do I go to the doctor and tell her what I am about to do. I have the fear I would be locked up .? How do I write those words down and even make it to that appointment ? It’s not just the past I am dealing with a lot in the present . There isn’t any hope of things getting better .

Lilly 🌺