DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[Doolhof]

Dear Grandy and Quirky,

Thank you both so much. You have both reached out to me and that means the world to me.

I'm stuck for words! I used to write so much, now the words won't come.

Wishing you both a lovely day!

Hugs from Dools

[demonblaster]

Dear Doolsy 🤗 hi everyone 🖐☺

I've wondered how you're going hun. Sadly you poor love still in a dark place. I'm sorry you're feeling so low it really isnt the way its supposed to be.

What helps me in the darks Doolsy is knowing that everytime before, theres been so many that there is another side to come out of into light.
Fortunately you have before too several times that I know of and I don't doubt they've been as hard as this or worse. It doesnt feel it but it IS in you to pull up again. We're here for you Doolsy 🤝

Another help I finds acknowledging this is beasty doing its thing. [IT]x strips us of everything that protects us like our walls and self preservation changing our thought pattern and is completely smothering isn't it but at least for most not permanent.

We or majority can I believe learn to take control over our thoughts.
We need to hear them so our work at least for now is best used on our emotional response to them.

Thought challenging helps. I need to read over the mindspot course again, brilliant btw by kinda exploring and looking further outside the thought. Dissecting it in a way.

• Why's it hurting
• Can I do anything to change it for the better
• Is there positives anywhere in the situation
• Mindspot said how will it affect you in a few wks mths etc.
With PTSD it does everytime I get down in BP (Bipolar) but not everyone has that so that can well work for many.

This is constructive thought challenging opposed to accepting a down thought and going with it which as you and many are aware the pain avalanches.

Doolsy love you know your scrapbook with all the positive memories if you glance through that hun and add thought of how it made you feel. Or maybe skit through a magazine. Redirect your focus. You desparately need happy light thoughts and feelings to squash out the constant darks causing pain.

You have a lot of love around you dear lady here included.

I hope your time with your sister was good or at least some lighter moments.

Always care about you and not to far away most of the time.

Hold on hun you can have and need to pull up again.
🤗🗯⚘🌿

[Doolhof]

Dear DB, Grandy and Quirky,

Once again thank you so very much for all your love, care and kindness. I know what you are all writing is so true.

Yesterday I almost drove myself to the hospital as I was concerned as to what I might do. One problem was who would feed the cat and the fish while I am away and check the farmer's sheep we have borrowed have water while my husband is still away.

Part of me didn't want to worry about any of that. Part of me wanted someone else to look after me for a while.

My husband comes home Sunday. Part of me doesn't want him to come home. I feel like his going on this holiday has just shown me how little he cares about my needs or me in general.

I have managed to change over job providers so I will see what the outcome of that is. I have to wait for an initial set up appointment with the new organisation. Hopefully I won't have panic attacks every time I walk in their office!

I feel so darn tired and stressed out it is horrible. I know it will get better. Just being in it right now is darn hard.

I've tried reaching out to some people here but no one seems to be listening or in a position to care.

Why are people so surprised when a person does manage to take their own life? Maybe some people still don't understand mental health issues are real, they are not just a crazy person's mixed up thoughts. They are a real medical condition.

I'm going to push myself to get to the Op Shop today, and to stay there for the day and not run away after just 10 minutes.

Later I will re-read what you have all written and try and find ways to add more cheer and pleasure to my life.

Thank you once again dear precious ladies, I know you all have your own struggles!

Cheers from Dools

[quirkywords]

Mrs Dools,

it is frustrating you reach out but no one listens,

Did you last all day at the op shop.?

You are trying so hard. has your husband asked how you are while he was away?

thinking of you

Quirky

[Doolhof]

Hi Quirky,

Yes, I managed to last all day in the Op Shop. I had moments where I felt like I was about to fall apart and burst into tears. I tried to keep busy.

At home I seem to wander around aimlessly or collapse on the couch and don't end up doing anything useful at all. Even making lists does not help. I look at them and just walk away doing nothing.

My husband did ask once how I was feeling, I wrote a text and said I was struggling. His next message didn't mention anything about it, he just told me all the excellent things he has been doing.

I asked my Dr today for suggestions on what I can do to help improve my mental health and get help and he couldn't come up with anything.

I asked for suggestions on what to do when the thoughts become very dark and I am concerned for my safety, he didn't have an answer for that either.

Guess I have to try and work that out for myself. It seems you dear people here have more understanding and more suggestions of how I can help myself.

Hopefully my mind will click into gear and I can move on from this hell.

Cheers from Dools

[Paw Prints]

Hello Dools,

At home I seem to wander around aimlessly or collapse on the couch and don't end up doing anything useful at all. Even making lists does not help. I look at them and just walk away doing nothing.

I've been the same making lists, breaking the things down into small steps & still doing nothing. I was talking about it with my Psych recently & her suggestion was to make a list of what you have done not what needs doing. She said to include everything : got out of bed. got dressed, fed the dog, took meds, made cuppa etc. Apparently it's about filling your mind with positive rather than negative thoughts. Its still very early days for me & I'm still not managing to do it every day, but I thought I would share it in case you wanted to try it

Paws

[Doolhof]

Hey Paws,

Thanks. My mind is so stuck right now. Everything seems such an effort.

I can see how trying to appreciate the positives no matter how insignificant they may seem to a dark mind can be beneficial.

Maybe I will try and throw in some thankfulness and gratitude as well.

Thanks for sharing. I wish you well on your journey of redefining yourself and finding new ways to make life work for you.

Cheers to you from Dools

[demonblaster]

Dear Doolsy and all lovelies hi 🖐

Feel for you Doolsy really do 🤗

Darl in the past you've been so down and somehow you do find the strength to pull back up.

I guess your sleeps up the whoop atm but when you do start getting more usually that helps with strength.

Yes positives give a little light each time in dark times you poor love it's the pits. If theres anyone that can get through its you.

I was thinking today is there neighbours or sister or someone that can look after the animals and no I think its so beautiful of you to be concerned about them esp when you're feeling so down.

If you can sort something out if not for them (animals) maybe ring a social worker and explain you're in need of hospital they might be able to help or contact an animal place while you're away.

Doolsy please look after you. You're so important to so many.

How frustrating a Dr not knowing how to help. Appalling the services you poor people have in rural areas.

I'm keeping an eye out for you lovey.

Hold on huns. Try telling yourself you've had enough of being down, be firm and say I'm going to rise above this because I can and will. Changing the flow of thoughts in your favor.

Really hope you get decent rest dear friend.

Yes we do understand and care/love you.

🤗🗯⚘🌴🌻

[Doolhof]

Hi DB,

Giving up seems like the easier option right now.

I know I'm not well at the moment, both mentally and physically.

I doubt our local hospital could deal with my diet needs at present. The dietician is looking to see if I have a reaction to different chemicals in foods. The eating plan she wants me to go on is so restrictive. It also includes limiting all chemicals from your lifestyle including toothpaste, shampoos, deodorants, laundry liquids even in the environment!

I'm struggling with life right now let alone all of that on top of it. Why bother. Being dead you don't have to worry about any of that crap!

[Ggrand]

Hello Mrs Dools..

Im deeply saddened by your struggling so much...

Yes sweetheart it is hard when we’re down so low to fight for ourselves...I’ve never understood why our mind wants to hurt us...I mean it’s a part of us that controls our happiness and sadness and even worse...What your saying is no more worrying about things...Please try hard to know that this will pass....There has been a few times that I was thinking like you...not that long ago...

You have your mum and dad..sisters that love you so very much...and they are there to help you as we are...So much hurt and devastation will be something that they/we will all feel if you go down that path...Please don’t Sweetheart..not even think about it..your a precious lbeautiful lady who is struggling hard to see your goods your worth, your beautiful heart....You are so much needed and loved by so many...You have helped me many times since I’ve been on BB...as well as so many more people...

Is it possible for you to visit your sister for a few days when your hubby comes home..A change of scenery and being with caring loving people is as good as a holiday...If you can do this please do so...Hubby took a holiday..now it’s your turn..if you can and want to...

One tiny little bit of light can make a difference precious lady...I know your a very strong person..stronger then your depression and the lies that depression tell us...

I at times when I’m deeply troubled like to read “footsteps in the sand”..it’s a beautiful and calming little poem....

When I can tune into nature..feel as one with the trees, clouds, and the beautiful birds that grace us with a gentle orchestra....I feel connected in some way...I don’t understand why..but it does help me...

MrsI really hope that you can hold on to your hope..if that fades then I’m sending you all my hope..🌈..Things do change lovely lady...please try to believe that..and that just around the corner, good things, peace, and calmness is awaiting you...Hold on to us..please...feel our love and care for you...It’s hard when we only have the written word to tell someone we love them...If I was with you..I would be holing you so tightly... sitting with you in silence...and drying your tears...I really wish I could do that..because you mattervto me so much...and the others here...

Very kind thoughts lovely friend...with warm caring hugs, and lots of love..🤗💖..

Grandy..🌱🕊..🌈.