DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?

[Doolhof]

Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.

My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.

I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.

Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?

Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.

I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!

Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.

ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!

Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!

Cheers from a battered feeling Dools

[Ggrand]

Hello Dools,

You can only do your best and that should be good enough for anyone. Is your unemployment lady just signaling you out, or is it all her clients?.

Yesterday here was a beautiful day as well, looks like today will be the same.. I sat outside looking at what's left of my garden and done the gardening in my mind...

Today looks like it's going to be a nice day as well..I hope you enjoy today..

Lasagna, yummy one of my favourites...Thats a good idea, about making it a day earlier...I think the flavours go through everything when it's cooked the day before...

I hope the pain clinic is helping you to manage your pain...I'm sorry that you have so much pain.. 🌹.Is the pain clinic helping at all?

I hope your day is a good day and you find some time to enjoy it..

Kind thoughts,

Grandy..

[Doolhof]

Hi Grandy and All,

Cooking the lasagne a day before does help with the flavour I agree, it was also a time factor issue. Today after the pain clinic I will be able to at least start some of my study and not have to fuss about dinner as it is already done.

I'm not sure about the pain clinic. I don't know what I expected. Last week I drove for 1 hour to attend the educational session, the Dr. present read all the slide material off the screen that we were presented with as a print out. After 45 minutes that was that, he had answered all the questions , he had raced through the presentation skipping some of the slides and we were told the session was over. Then I had an hour's drive home again.

This morning I have to drop the cat off at the cattery that is in the direction of the Pain Clinic so it won't be a total waste of a trip!

I'm just getting frustrated with so much at the moment. I need to find some kind of control button.

Sorry to read about your garden Grandy. I do so hope you get some rain in your area soon! It can be disheartening to watch things die and struggle to cope.

Cheers to you, back again next week! From Dools

[Doolhof]

Hi All,

I am back for our weekend away. Part of me thinks it was a total disaster because my husband just wanted me to drive him and his mates around and be a free taxi service and not join them in their activities. He thought it was perfectly fine for me to drop him off, pick him up and to be totally alone the rest of the time.

I did try to make the most of it. I wandered around the town we were in. Booked myself on a river cruise, found some lovely walks along the river, read a book, and tried to not be extremely depressed and annoyed.

One day I told him I would drop him off but not pick him up at 1.00 a.m. He then complained about the cost of the taxi.

He makes it so easy for me to hate him and for me to feel so totally inadequate and worthless.

Life sucks. I am really sick of trying to pick myself up only to feel like I'm being kicked in the guts over and over again. I know my attitude is not at all healthy right now so I need to do something about it before it starts to devour me!

Cheers all from Dools

[Tams20]

Hi Dools,

I just wanted to pick out one thing that you wrote in your post: I wandered around the town we were in. Booked myself on a river cruise, found some lovely walks along the river, read a book

I think that sounds like a fabulous break! I would be very happy with that. My husband can annoy me too and because of that I often enjoy time away from him, for the peace and quiet and to be myself. I think your weekend sounds like a success, even with the taxi-driving commitments!

Tams

[Doolhof]

Hi Tams,

Thanks. I know you are right. I did try to make the most of it. Being told I was not invited to join them really hurt.

Being left alone when I was already feeling depressed was difficult.

[startingnew]

Hello Mrs D

How are you holding up? How are your studies going?

Hoping that black dogs keeping away!

[Doolhof]

Hi Startingnew,

I feel like the black dog has brought around his mangy dog pack to attack me lately! Really struggling to keep on going to be honest.

Have come down with a horrid cold/flu as well so feel like something the cat dragged in!

Apart from both those things, I guess am doing oaky and should be thankful I am still here! Some days I just want to run away or do worse.

None of the study has been marked yet and I started 3 months ago. I have had to make 6 choices for 120 hours of work experience...in an industry that has stuffed my back up and I had to quit working in due to injury!

Wonder who pays for my medical expenses if my back issues are exacerbated during the work experience?

I'm not very positive today SN! At least it is sunny outside so might go and sit in a sheltered spot for a while.

Cheers to you from Dools

[startingnew]

Hello Mrs D

You poor bugger! Let me help you shoo some of those away. Chuck a few bones out thatll keep em occupied for a while and hopefully give you some time to breathe.

You dont have to be positive all the time and after reading your post i am not surprised!

Soups, hot showers, lemon and honey drinks are good for cold and heat packs for aches and pain too. Do you have a vapourisor you could put some oil in to help clear your sinuses abit? I also heard putting vicks vaporub on the soles of your feet with socks over the top as your going to bed helps with the coughing too.

Oh lovely your post concerns me abit when you said sometimes you want to do worse i just want to check and make sure your safe. Do you have the helpline numbers just in case? I care very much about you and your wellbeing too so want to make sure your at least safe

Oh geez! Work experience with your back pains! Im no sure how that will work tbh and i worry itll make it worse. Is there a way you could take another path besides being really hands on with the patients or more so the lifting side of things?

I am hoping there was at least one good moment in your day. Sending hugs and love and well wishes xoxo ❤🌻

[startingnew]

Hi Mrs D

Just wanted to let you know i have written a long post up but its not here.

I did just want to check on your safety though. A few little things in your post have concerned me abit... so are you safe? Do you have the helpline numbers just in case?

[Doolhof]

Hi Startingnew,

Thank you precious. I really appreciate your kind words and your care. Means a lot to me.

I've not heard of Vics on the feet before. Might try that tonight.

Hey guess what! Late yesterday afternoon I received a very generic response from the online study organisation saying I have satisfactorily passed all of my modules so far. You either get satisfactory or unsatisfactory.

The work placement does not begin until I have completed the second semester of study. I won't know until I get a placement what is expected. My Dr was horrified when I told him so at least he will be supportive and may be able to write a report stipulating what I can safely do work wise and note restrictions as well.

The black dog and his mates have been snarling a little today, but mainly sleeping in the shadows!

Yesterday I did sit out in the sun for a while so that was nice. Last night we had an amazing thunderstorm that went on for ages.

Today I have been trying to be more accepting of how I am feeling.

I have a fist full of numbers to ring thanks. Sometimes it is just making the call that is the problem for me!

Thanks again for caring and for checking up on me! Hope you are doing okay!

Hugs to you from Dools