DEPRESSION: Fight it or embrace it?
Right now I feel like I don't have the energy to do either. Just existing is difficult enough. I've been trying to "float" this one out but the Black Dog is right there trying to drag me under.
My Psychologist tells me to embrace the depression, to accept it, to make the most of those rotten days when you feel like you can't do a thing. To just live with it and the sting of the depression will ease away. If I don't feed it, it will give up.
I must be doing something wrong as all that seems to do is escalate how horrid I feel, I break down in tears and feel like "what is the point" this monster is winning.
Depression. BPD. Stress. Suicidal thoughts. Maybe I do need to find ways to embrace these issues before they totally destroy me. But how?
Maybe I could try poetry, I've already painted a couple of pictures showing what is going on in my head, maybe more paintings or drawings might help get the muck out.
I'm just so tired and exhausted. Mental health issues suck!
Fighting it is exhausting. Trying to embrace it is soul destroying.
ACCEPTANCE! Where the hell is ACCEPTANCE! Think it ran away with HOPE!
Wishing you all a sense of acceptance and hope!
Cheers from a battered feeling Dools
Im pleased you sound a little brighter today, that make me feel happy for you..
You always make your walks sound amazing, love the little rabbits, there so cute, I often see them hopping around across the road through my front window..I remember when around 6 years ago I went for a walk at night with my torch , and heard a noise in the bush as I reached it, I got a bit concerned and decided to turn around, I turned but also brushed the leaves on the bush, when all of a sudden a big Tom cat jumped out meowing high pitched and ran up the street, well did I scream and run, I got home so quickly, after the shock wore of I collapsed in fits of giggles..
The birds are so sweets when they sit in the water and flap their little wings around when washing themselves, I think a little bit of mindfulness there Dools..
I hope tomorrow your a little brighter again Dools,
Hi DB, Karen, SN and All,
You are so right SN, it is important to remember that I don't always have to be happy, that is just not possible. Some days just don't work out so well!
This morning I made an extra effort at the Medical Centre to not allow myself to become too panicky or stressed out when the receptionist could not find the form I needed to sign for a referral. I told myself it was not my fault and I didn't have to fix the problem, she needed to have another look. The form was found eventually.
I then managed to find a walk I hadn't been on before as I was not exactly sure where it started or how to connect to it. I kept looking around until I discovered the path.
At the start of the walk I found an extremely friendly Tom cat who enjoyed having a rub under the chin. Not like the scary Tom cat Karen encountered one night in a bush!
I heard lots of birds, saw some hills in the background, enjoyed the shade under the gum trees dotted along the walk and thought about all the things I have to be thankful for.
Then I joined the craft group. Part of my mind was telling me no one would care if I was there or not. The thoughts our minds tell us at times! Really! I decided I wasn't going to accept the negatives as truth and enjoyed my time at the craft group.
I'm realising that afternoons and early evenings are my worst time of day at present for my depression to fester and grow so I am going to work on filling this time up so I don't wander around feeling lost, which leads to restlessness, that leads to other negatives!
Acceptance. I will accept when the depressive moments come. I will acknowledge the presence of the negatives and try to tell myself there are times when I will not be happy or positive. I don't need to find these depressive times repugnant. They are just there and I can find ways to deal with them!
Right. Time to practise what I have just written!
Cheers all from Dools
Lol Grandy Hi Doolsy and all
Okaay thanks for clarifying accaptance darl I'm starting to see through the woods or what is cant see the forrest for the trees or similar lol actually gunna give that one up
Well done Dools
I've started to realise too we can access logical thinking like you've done with talking ourselves out of pain. Not listening to beasty counteracting with constructive. 👌
Craft group would be great what things do you make
It is nice looking at nature and glad you're getting variety too
Good to see you're on your way back up
There's a lady we affectionately call Dools
This brave friend teaches the use of tools
because I have some pain
In my little ole brain
I've decided for now to go
But "I'll beeee baccck" ya know
Go easy guys 🤗
DB, I love your little poem, it is excellent.
The craft group is a very casual affair where people bring along their own projects with anything relating to YARN. Some crochet, knit, weave, do embroidery, and some just chat the whole time and don't unpack their craft at all.
Some of us bring along our lunch and leave soon after. It is held in the library of one of the local towns.
I have some yarn/wool I have bought over the years or had it given to me. I sometimes but it cheap at the Op Shop when people donate brand new balls they have not used. At the moment I am crocheting a knee rug in various shades of green and blue with some speckled whites/greens/blues to help break up the main colours.
The rhythm of crocheting or knitting seems relaxing to me.
Do you like any crafts DB?
Cheers from Dools
Today I had an appointment with a different psychiatrist. I will be very interested to read his report and recommendations based on the questions he asked and the answers I gave.
As I am already aware, I am very hard on myself at times, or maybe I just don't think I deserve any better and I am just not good enough.
He told me I need to change this way of thinking but was unable to suggest how. That I need to work on it to make a difference. A few little hints on how this is achieved would have been beneficial.
As my mind has consistently been thinking the way it does for ages, I will need to find ways to redirect it, make the changes and move forward. One day at a time!
My brain feels "cooked" after all those questions! Hopefully in his report he will have some suggestions and recommendations I can follow.
You know what, sometimes the ideas and suggestions people recommend here are very beneficial, so I need to put a lot more of what I learn here and even what I share myself into practice!
Right I will start that now! I will be more aware of actions I can put in place to change my life for the better!
Cheers all from Dools
You're good at this Dools 🤗 you're ok with hugs aye if memory serves
Yeah how helps. True about things here I hear and think but have the great wall of china to break through then in mania 😨zoom zoom can't stop me my my how many yrs worth you can get done in average of a week lol I'm working on why because if I can figure that I might be able to come up with how. This is between the episodes nothing.
I listen and hear but working on hearing more but the heads South so often making it hard to hear not to say not going to get through just need a jack hammer
Crafts sounds great is yarn a kinda ropey no is it shinyish? Or none of the above 😆 I think I know it but not (atm at the moment
Sort of Dools I do art designs apparently similar to tribal moreso out of monetry value than passion have believed for yrs I can become a household name majority of people really like it but you have to observe reactions cause I say they can be honest I wouldnt give 2 bob for Mona Lisa but look at the value for that atrocity sorry but I find it depressing her face is pleasant but the colours its out of proportion to me rah rah but again mania times but it is nice creating something lovely and certainly cathartic and release
My love is Calligraphy (latern for beautiful writing) again doing it urghh but got reasonably good at Old English use to sell door to door and fiddled with glitter, ribbons etc as well
Also Mum taught me tatting she was very good I picked up the knot easily apparently its very hard its created by making a knot in two parts. I used to go door to door with them too to help survive being a compulsive gambler 21 yr habit pokies was the only real problem gambling
Must but how? ☺
If I had a $ for procrastination the queen would ask for a loan. She's looking well
I admire how you push through and keep positive and humour Doolsy you really are an inspiration and help many. You touch peoples lives.
You warm my heart as do so many others here, thanks. I like the analogy of needing the jack hammer to help break down walls and old habits. I can relate to that.
I know there are so many things I can do to help myself, maybe now is the time to appreciate all I have been able to do in the past, to look at what I can do today to improve things further.
Last night I read some ideas and information on the internet about Gratitude Journals. Some of the different points made were enlightening. For example it will help you:
- lower stress levels
- gain a new perspective of what is important to you and what you truly appreciate in your life.
- provide clarity to what you want more of in your life
- reading what you have written on a blue day will help you feel better about yourself and your life.
Oh yes, by YARN the term relates to anything to do with wool, threads, cottons and so on. I'm very impressed you have tried tatting, I have watched people do this and it fascinates me. Sounds like you have tried a few different arts and crafts.
Time for me to consider what I will write in my Gratitude Journal before I head off for the day with my husband on a "bonding outing". My suggestion.
Cheers from Dools
How was your 'bonding outing'? Hope things went well for you.
Changing that continuous talk we have in our heads is not easy. It takes time and we shouldn't beat ourselves up if we're not achieving what we think we should. I do it all the time. Like on our camping - someone said something that I totally took the wrong way and put it out of proportion. Do you think I could remove that comment from going around and around. Nah. Having had a good night sleep last night thought helped to reassess the meaning of the comment.
It all takes time, it isn't easy Mrs Dools. I have every faith in you that your on the right track to helping yourself. You are a marvellous person and I truly love your posts which often make me laugh out loud!
Going to your craft group and keeping gratitude journals sounds an awesome idea to help you through these down times. Of course, I think BB forums help tremendously. So many wonderful people out there who want to give you virtual hugs. It's a lovely place to be.
Hugs and love Mrs D.
Hi PamelaR and All,
Thanks for your post. The bonding session went kind of oaky! I had in mind how it would go so was not disappointment when my husband was connected to his mobile phone most of the time and was talking to other people more than me at the places we stopped at.
At the end of the day he said he really enjoyed my company and had a great time. I made the most of it enjoying the scenery, new sights, looking at old houses in some of the suburbs, admired gardens, and had opportunity to chat while we were driving from here to there.
Yes, those thoughts in the head can be so bothersome...a bit like the neighbour's German Shepherd last night barking for hours. It can be hard to ignore both events! It is annoying how the disappointment and frustration can continue on into the next day! There should be an expiration date and time of negative thoughts and feelings! Or an erase button.
One thing with that Gratitude Journal...guess the whole point of it is that I actually write in it and don't just look at it! Ha. Ha. I will work on that later today after I have been to Church and return home again.
I happily accept your virtual hugs. I agree with you, there are so many wonderful people on this forum who reach out to each other. For some people, this connection might be all they have!
Yesterday I was considering the people I know through the groups and activities I am currently involved in. I don't know many of them like great friends, but they are there. Even the brief chats and laughs add up to help me get through life.
I've prattled on again! Thanks again for your words and encouragement PamelaR. You have helped me create a better atmosphere in my mind!
Big cheers to you and all, from Mrs. Dools