BPD

[GuestYD]

Hi all

i have BPD. I have been to the emergency department multiple times due to suicidal thinking when 2 hours before I was happy. I can go from excited to depressed in an instant.

i used to self harm but I've stopped that. I am fixated by the idea of suicide even though I've got no intent. I can be impulsive.

I idealise certain people in my life, including my mental health team.

I fear that my Dr will abandon me.

i experienced brief psychosis when I was stressed and the object wasn't really there

[GuestYD]

Hi James

My weirdest borderline symptom has to be this - sending legalish letters/emails when I get triggered. It's what my psychologist calls "lawyer mode". I did so last night and woke up with an omg did I really do that feeling...

im guessing you don't do the same! It's a very strange thing to do...

LC

[james1]

Hey LC,

So it was my birthday on Friday 🙂 I managed to break my phone and bend something on my motorbike which I've now fixed. Very expensive birthday, hahaha.

Ah, yeah, no I don't do the lawyer thing 😛 I mean, I guess I did used to write excessively long and formal emails to my ex but I've managed to contain that this time around. It is a very strange thing, hahaha.

So my update of the weekend: I've been chatting to this person online since....Tuesday? Been talking quite a lot and it's pretty fun. It's all on a friends basis and we're meeting up on Wednesday to go to the cat cafe I think I mentioned before. But yes, all friends because she really only just recently came out of a relationship so I don't think either of us think dating is the best thing at the moment.

Trouble is, I'm interested on the basis that there's genuine feeling reciprocated. We get along really well, but on the romantic side I wouldn't have a clue what she's thinking. I don't mind just being friends, but the balancing act of being friends but not "friendzoning" myself is one I don't like, haha. So I don't even know what to do at this stage!

But in writing all this, I realise that we've been talking for less than a week and I really shouldn't be thinking so far ahead 😛

Blah.

I hope this week is good for you and not too rocky!

[james1]

Woooow man I have gone waaay

[james1]

Way too far ahead in my head. I don't understand...

[GuestYD]

Hi James

Well done for picking up that you've taken a jump in your thinking. I think the fact you are aware of it is a really positive step. Well done. I quite like the idea that the girl is only wanting to be friends at the moment because it's a bit less pressure to make her like you in a hurry but also agree that it could get a little confusing as time goes on and if the friendship becomes something more. I think focus on just having fun at the cafe and just getting to know her at this stage. I totally get why it's hard to know what to expect! But I think it's really good you've worked out you've only just started chatting to her as well. I think you are you doing a good job.

Oh Happy Birthday! But also how annoying that you had to fix things. My iPhone is getting a replacement battery due to sudden turning off as part of a limited recall but also have to get my screen fixed at the same time.

Yeah I'm hoping this week isn't so rocky - I'm feeling a bit tired because I go from one emotion to the next so quickly. I ended up feeling really anxious on the weekend and on edge which is an uncomfortable state to be in. I see my psychologist today and just thinking about how much material I give her each week!

Anyway I should try to go back to sleep

LC

[james1]

Thanks for the encouragement 🙂 I was so bummed out last night

I hope the session is useful. Being knocked from one emotion to another, especially anxiety, sucks big time

James

[GuestYD]

Hi James

I hope you're feeling better today. .

I was so flat and had a headache.

I've discovered today that I am really sensitive to small changes at the rooms. So there is a sign that has the names of the clinicians and they get added to the list depending on who is in at the time and I freaked out because it was different to the week before. And I didn't like it when my psychologist was in a different office for a session. Bit strange! I'm going to bring it up with my psychiatrist when I see her.

LC

[james1]

Ah my attachment is flaring up pretty badly. Anxious when she doesn't reply. Wanting to get revenge for not replying. Feeling like tomorrow's cat cafe meet up will go horribly wrong. Planning waaaay too much and too ahead of time. This is a disaster 😞

Paraphrased message from her yesterday: "wait do you like me as more than a friend after just a few days of messaging?"

I didn't know how to respond 😞

[james1]

SOrry I forgot to ask: when's your psychiatrist appointment? I guess it makes sense though right? You felt comfortable in the "old" room, so when that got changed, it was like your comfort space was also changed.

[GuestYD]

Sounds pretty tough. I wouldn't know how to respond either! I kind of had a similar message with my last date where she basically said I was being too intense messaging her too frequently.

Different circumstances but I ended up worried that my dr would leave me because I was going to tell her about my need to control the environment issue and how I basically keep a look out for her when I'm hospital for reassurance and know if she's in by whether her stuff is in the nurse station. She was basically like yes I know you do that. And seemed really relaxed about it and just said you are in the stage of your treatment that you are a bit dependent. So it was much less stressful than anticipated. I got so worked up about it last night...

LC