Battling the booze

[Kazzl]

When the black dog bites, many of us reach for a drink. It can ease the pain, help us relax, block out what's going on in our minds. If it's just the odd drink now and then, even one or two a night, there's no harm and maybe even welcome relief. But for some of us, many in fact, literally drowning our sorrows becomes a problem in itself. We drink more and more until the booze takes over, and drinking becomes all we want to do. 

That was me for a long time until I finally realised the combination of booze and depression would kill me. If I wanted to live, if I wanted to be able to manage my depression, I had to get sober. I did, nearly five years ago, and it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

If booze is controlling you and you're not controlling it, this thread is for you. If you want to regain control - get sober or moderate your drinking (which for many is harder than quitting) or if you're worried you are drinking too much, join us here.

On this thread I'll talk about my battle with the booze and offer advice and support to anyone who is struggling. I welcome anyone who's been there or is worried they are going there, to join in. And I hope others now living sober will come here to help our friends who are struggling.

One thing this thread is not is a place to discuss how much a drink or two helps you. It's not an anti-alcohol thread, but it's not a general discussion about alcohol either. It's for people who are genuinely worried about it or who want to control it, and it's a place of celebration (without judgment about drinkers) for those of us who are now living sober.

I hope anyone who's battling the booze will join us.

Cheers 😀

Kaz 

[Sally66]

Reading all of your posts i realize i am not mad...as my ex.BF said...i had a couple of drunken moments and used to text him...just wanted him to talk and understand me..obviously he didn't want to...i think I will feel better when i put this relationship in the past. Alcohol....makes things worse...

[geoff]

hello Sally, we all have had times when we want our partners/spouse to listen to what we want to say, but so often they don't want to listen simply because they blame the alcohol, well maybe so, but you are drinking to try and make your situation feel better and that happens so many times because at the moment you seem to be in pain.
If your ex b/friend has no time for you then it's best to forget about him, because you don't want to be emotionally abused by him, this only creates more problems for you, but I feel as though you want to talk with us.
Alcohol does make situations worse, but we are not here to judge you only want to help you. Geoff.

[Moonstruck]

I just need to vent and get this out- if you can bear with me - sorry.

I've had a turbulent past 3 weeks, making hard decisions, developing bad back and leg pain, physios, loneliness, missing people, work that I have started to loathe (giving up this year I hope, if I can survive financially) concern about sons, sick sister -not wanting to get out of bed - and in the past, I would get through all this by having a DRINK!

It seems so easy.....just open a bottle of wine...no-one would know. Sit in a quiet bar so I can think and calm down and order a simple BEER! People do it all the time, nothing new about that! No one would look strangely at me, or criticise, they would smile and I would feel BETTER! I KNOW I would. It is so tempting and I haven't given in to it for 4 YEARS!! It is getting the better of me, the desire is getting strong just now.....even though I am an intelligent person, and know quite well the medical condition I recently got checked at Brisbane Hospital Specialists, which I do twice a year....Plus the surgical procedure I underwent last week.....stemmed from the damage done to my body by ALCOHOL!

I know all this! But I also know that a drink would make me FEEL BETTER NOW! .....What will I do? Should I ring the AA hotline and speak to someone? Is there someone I can talk to?

[Kazzl]

Hoya Moon - sorry to hear you're struggling again hun. Insidious thing isn't it. I think your idea of calling the AA helpline is a good one. I've never called them so can't say what it's like, but I know the helpline's staffed by volunteers who have all come through alcoholism, so it's peer support (the best kind in my opinion).

The number is 1300 222 222 and I understand it's a 24 hour service. If you do call them I'd be interested to hear how it goes.

Y'know, sometimes when we're craving, we end up fixated on the fact that we're craving. It's not so much that we want a drink, we just want the craving to stop bothering us. If we decide to have a drink because we want to feel better, it often doesn't make us feel better, because the craving is still there - in a way having a drink just feeds the craving rather than satisfies it. And the desire for one turns into a need for many. Does that make sense?

So maybe it's not the alcohol itself that's the problem but the desire for it. How do you make the craving go away? There a few things you can try that we've mentioned here before. There's urge surfing (Google) where you deliberately don't try to ignore the craving, you just sit with it, examine it, and eventually let it pass.

Or there's the 10 minute rule where you tell yourself you can have a drink in 10 minutes time and during that 10 minutes busy yourself with something else. If the craving is still there in 10 minutes, do it again. Eventually it will pass.

Another one is to eat - anything you want - until you're really full, even over full. We're less like to want alcohol if we feel physically uncomfortable from eating lots.

Hope that helps lovely - you can get through this. You have before, and you can now.

Much love to you

Kaz

[Sally66]

Thankyou Geoff...i loose my top if i drnk too much. I think i bottle up my emotions and then expode with the alcohol. I hate when this happens..it's not me..i hate this behavior..

[Kazzl]

Hi Sally and welcome!

I understand what you mean - I used to suppress anger and frustration, just to get through the day, then come night time I'd drink and turn into the bitch from hell. Everything that was upsetting me became magnified and the more I drank the angrier I became.

That was bad enough in itself but I also used to black out. I'd still be conscious, and screaming abuse, but I would have no memory of it the next day. I would wake up not knowing what I'd said or done or who I had offended (usually my then husband).

I never want to go back to that. I can assure you you don't need it in your life hun.

Quitting booze is a very individual decision, and a very very hard decision. Some people manage to get control of their drinking and continue to drink moderately so it's not affecting their lives. Others like me can't. For me it's all or nothing.

No matter what you want to do Sally, even if it's just to talk things through, we're here to support you, and we never judge. I hope you stay with us.

Cheers

Kaz

[Sally66]

Thank you for the replys..it really does help knowing are there people out there who care. Managed to go to work today even though i feel horrible inside. Had a cry at work in private...i have fought with depression for years but have managed to get on with it..bust the last few years the anxiety kicked in...such an unsettling feeling..physically and mentally..not going to give in...have to make some positive changes..

[geoff]

hello Sally and Moon I will also reply to your comment, but when you first want to stop your drinking, you have full intentions that you will, but then there comes two problems and these are so powerful to try and forget about, one is the starting time when you usually start, maybe instead of drinking at 1 pm you sneak in a quick one at 12.30 just to get you through until 1, nobody will notice will they, and the other problem is as soon as something goes wrong, you say 'b*****r it' I need a drink straight away, then how much strength do these have, more than taking a shower, changing your clothes, getting a hair cut or even eating, none of these matter as long as I can have a drink.
Hide the time, have a boxing bag in the garage, fill the frig with bottles of fizzy soft drinks, scull a couple of glasses of tonic water, or maybe an orange drink and make sure your belly feels as though it's full, and once you look at the time of day it's 2 hours pasted your drinking time so you can then get through the night.


and Moon, this is a never ending feeling that maybe with you for a long time, and although I can drink socially if I am asked if I want to have a drink at 11 am I say NO, because if I do then the next few hours would have been lost.
If you feel as though you are at breaking point and need a drink, contact your sponsor from AA, someone who has been assigned to help you through these times, remember these sponsors have been through exactly what you are now struggling with, not once, not twice but many times over their time in giving up, they know exactly how you are feeling and even some will come around to visit you, that's what happens in the country.
The thought that a drink will cure how you feel is something we have learnt, but we haven't learnt that after a dozen drinks the problem is still there.
Good for both of you to come and tell us. Geoff.

[ringoringo83]

Hey guys,

been going well! I have had a few beers here and there but have definitely cut down a hell of a lot and haven't gotten drunk. I feel amazing and clear headed. I'm still dealing with the other side of things but it's getting there. I'm aware of the beast inside me, wanting to get messed up and as drunk as possible but I'm taming it for now.

Sally - hope you're doing ok, I think we have are on the same page in some ways. It's a tough journey, I have pressure at home to stop drinking all together but I am also being realistic at this time. Hope everyone is doing ok and thanks so much for the words Geoff, really means a lot to me. I keep thinking about what you said whenever I have a beer and it helps me a lot. Kazzl, you have also been amazing. It's funny how a few people I don't know at all can effect my life so much.

[Kazzl]

Hiya ringoringo - I am thrilled to read your post! You are going really well. Feels good doesn't it. And if you feel better about yourself, others will feel better about you too. Keep going mate. And thanks so much for dropping in to keep us updated. That means a lot. See you again soon I hope.

Hi Sally - hope you're OK. I can see a determination there to make some changes. Here to help you hun. Feel free to ask any questions or vent or whatever you want.

Cheers

Kaz