Battling the booze

[Kazzl]

When the black dog bites, many of us reach for a drink. It can ease the pain, help us relax, block out what's going on in our minds. If it's just the odd drink now and then, even one or two a night, there's no harm and maybe even welcome relief. But for some of us, many in fact, literally drowning our sorrows becomes a problem in itself. We drink more and more until the booze takes over, and drinking becomes all we want to do. 

That was me for a long time until I finally realised the combination of booze and depression would kill me. If I wanted to live, if I wanted to be able to manage my depression, I had to get sober. I did, nearly five years ago, and it's the hardest thing I've ever done.

If booze is controlling you and you're not controlling it, this thread is for you. If you want to regain control - get sober or moderate your drinking (which for many is harder than quitting) or if you're worried you are drinking too much, join us here.

On this thread I'll talk about my battle with the booze and offer advice and support to anyone who is struggling. I welcome anyone who's been there or is worried they are going there, to join in. And I hope others now living sober will come here to help our friends who are struggling.

One thing this thread is not is a place to discuss how much a drink or two helps you. It's not an anti-alcohol thread, but it's not a general discussion about alcohol either. It's for people who are genuinely worried about it or who want to control it, and it's a place of celebration (without judgment about drinkers) for those of us who are now living sober.

I hope anyone who's battling the booze will join us.

Cheers 😀

Kaz 

[Croix]

Dear Kaz~

I hope you don't mind if I pop in here for a moment to say what happened to me with cigarettes.

I know it's not booze, but the giving up was there - I was lucky with drink. With cigarettes I was very young indeed when I started - back in the days you could buy a packet of 4 Woodbines (yes, only 4 in the packet - I guess designed for kids like me). Thought it way cool and sophisticated:)

Anyway from an early age I smoked - a lot. By my 20's I was a chain-smoker, which I kept up until in my 50's, getting even heavier if possible. I'd tried to give up several times. My reasons to try were my health and cost. Neither did the trick. I'd always go back, fatigue, don't care, anxiety, social pressure - helping me concentrate being another. Plus of course nicotine addiction.

When my first wife died I remarried - to someone whose husband had passed away from lung cancer. She never said anything at all. But every time I coughed (and that was a fair bit) her face froze. I realized she was terrified.

I gave up. Partly because it was for someone outside myself (I guess I never really thought I was worth the effort) and partly from anger and resentment of the company that ran the ads that got me into smoking in the first place. Whenever I was tempted one or other of these motives helped enough for me to keep going.

I've no idea if this is of any help to anyone, I know it is not at all the same for alcohol, it was just motivation for giving something up that struck a chord.

Anyway I'll stop interrupting now:)

Croix

[Kazzl]

Hiya Tony - good to see you here mate. How are you today? 😀

It's great you have such a good relationship with your wife and she is supportive. That's really a head start I reckon.

Reducing the amount and the frequency of your drinking is an excellent way to get back some control. And it's a safe way, especially if you've been drinking heavily. Sometimes it can be dangerous for people who are very heavy drinkers to quit in one go. The withdrawals can be very hard on your body. Doctors will usually recommend a tapering off plan, and ask to see you every few days to check how you're going.

I don't know if that is right for you Tony, or if you can manage to taper off yourself, some people can do that successfully.

The main thing at this stage mate is that your motivation and determination are there. Keep going! You're doing well.

Kaz

[Kazzl]

Hello Croix, thanks for your post and well done on kicking the smokes.

This might sound like an excuse but all the research I read into bipolar disorder says we're much more inclined to addiction than other folks. I reckon that was a big thing behind my drinking and possibly why I find quitting smoking so hard.

I have a few bipolar friends who have quit booze, weed or harder drugs but can't quite manage to kick the cigarettes. And where I work we have a lot of homeless or mentally ill folks around who come for food at a drop in centre. A lot have bipolar, shizoaffective disorder or schizophrenia, some are on a methadone program, and they all smoke (that's how I've been fortunate to get to know them, I smoke outside with them). So I think there's definitely a link between some disorders and smoking.

I have quit a few times, for months on end, but when a bad episode hits I just go back to them and then it takes months and months to try quitting again.

Damage to the hip pocket nerve will probably do it for me eventually, damn expensive things! 😀

Cheers

Kaz

[ringoringo83]

I just tried to reply but it didnt work, here I go again haha.

The doctors appointment was good this week, I have been entered into a mental health plan, I got medication to help with my anxiousness and all of that. I haven't had a drink in 5 days. There is a lot more at play than just the booze though. I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for a while now, I don't know if it is related or not, probably is. I can't seem to be positive or "normal". I have a lot of stress in my life, I drive 4 hours a day to and from work in traffic, I am constantly looking at the negative side of life and can never get motivated to do the most simple of tasks. I am feeling particularly low today. Big family event this after noon, another big friends shin dig tomorrow, the though of not drinking is eating my insides up, the pressure I feel is becoming overwhelming. My doctor warned me to not put pressure on myself, I don't know how I am supposed to handle this. Thanks again for everyones help and support, it is amazing.

[Croix]

Dear Kaz

Thanks, no I know it is not an excuse, I've met a lot of the people you mention one way or another and have not been exempt from self-medication either:)

I was in two minds if I should post here, then I thought it might be an additional source of motivation for somebody and that the post probably would not do any harm even if it did not do any good.

Croix

[geoff]

hello Kaz, and BP may make it difficult to stop any addiction, but then it's also very difficult for a person suffering from OCD, so instead of checking the locks or doing other habits/rituals, I had to drink for my reasons. Geoff.

[Kazzl]

Hi ringoringo. Five days! Well done you! That first week is so hard, you have done really well.

I'm glad things went well with the doctor and you're on a plan. It's very common for addiction and mental health issues to go together - it's known in the trade as duel diagnosis or comorbidity. That certainly what happened with me - I self-medicated because of mental health problems, then eventually the drinking became a huge problem in itself and I felt I'd never get a handle on my mental health until I got sober.

It's hard going to family gatherings and such in the early days of quitting. And there's always the issue of what do I tell people. I'll be honest with you, I used to just lie and say I was on antibiotics or something and couldn't drink. Or I'd be the designated driver. Or I'd say I was trying to lose weight ... whatever works for you.

As for how you'll cope with urges, yep that's tough. We used to have a little psychological trick on the alcohol forum whereby if we had to go somewhere where we knew we'd struggle, we would 'take' our sober friends with us in our pockets. The imaginary presence of supportive friends somehow made it easier to say 'no thanks, I'll have a coke'. Happy to go with you if you want. 🙂

Cheers folks, and happy lots of chocolate tomorrow.

Kaz

[ringoringo83]

Hey all,

Well to be honest I feel much better this week. I have to admit I had 4 beers on Sunday night with a close friend as we discussed my mental health and alcohol consumption. Was weird but also refreshing that I didn't want to get drunk, just enjoy the beers. I had geoffs post in my head, I didn't beat myself up, or feel guilty. I am little disappointed in myself however. My wife basically said do what you have to do, she is supporting me still and I feel much more clear headed and together this week. I still have mental health issues to deal with that are different from the drinking. Just thought I would give everyone an update. I don't intend to drink at all this week and feel like that is achievable. I hope you are all well and thank you again for your continued advise and support.

[Kazzl]

Excellent ringoringo, you're going well mate. Isn't it a nice feeling when you start waking up with a clear head!

Keep going mate, and I hope you keep us posted on how things are going.

Cheers

Kaz

[geoff]

hello Ringoringo, that's a terrific effort, well done, but I think it goes much deeper than this, because you had someone you could talk to that understood what you were saying and probably vice versa that's what is so important.
I realise that there are more issues you have to cope with as well as the alcohol, but now your wife is supporting you because she knows that you are doing your best.
Doing your best now compared to when you didn't care about how much alcohol you drank, is an enormous way of looking at your situation, they are completely on opposite sides of the fence.
I am so proud of you, but you know that it's one step at a time, and if you can drink just a couple of beers I don't have anything to worry about, just as long as you don't relapse on a very bad day,if you do don't worry about it, we will still be here helping you along the way.
Well done. Geoff.