Dear Dottibluebell~
So how to lend you some strength? Things are dark and you feel defeated, but ups come along. I'm not just writing words, I'm saying what's happened to me -really.
In those times when the world has closed in and no avenue to better seems to exist it's time to 'be selfish' and do something that has a chance of putting a little light in. A favorite food, song, pet, chocolate ... dunno, we all have things. I've even found walking down the road or looking at the stars changed things a little.
What am I saying? Well, many of us have situations - not the same as yours - but maybe seeming as hopeless. It is partly the situation, but also partly the depression painting everything black.
I never thought I'd get over being invalided out the force, being suicidal, being hospitalized. No energy to try to improve, no real hope. However I did and now understand how you feel but am better - and have been for a long time.
You really need time out you know, a break to stop you falling down completely. You said there were all sorts of support services, what are they doing to look after you?
Everything you've said here, even your efforts with others, tell me you are a strong loving person, just worn down. You won't loose the fight.
You can have a talk on the Help Lines you know, not expecting an instant answer of course, but just to hear someone else talk about your situation, maybe a fresh idea -don't know.
I worry about you, what does that say - that you are worth worrying about.
Croix
