Are we kidding ourselves that things really can get better

[Guest_5809]

I have been in this vicious cycle for so long now and nothing gets better. I am battle fatigued. Truely just numb. Single parent to 2 teens with mental health issues and a narcissistic ex ( kids father). I have experienced my ex attempt suicide, my youngest who was 10 yo at the time attempt suicide and my now 14yo attempt suicide 4 times. I live an emotional roller coaster that I vant keep up wth unless I self medicate. I have 2 inpatient admissions in 7 months cause I just can't see any light left. We exist not live. I am totally lost. We have support services in place but nothing changes . I don't know how other people seem to cope and I can't. I don't know what's wrong with my brain. I feel damaged and broken. I don't want pity and I know there are lots doing it harder than I am. I want to know how to survive this or is it possible t survive ths? And please don't advise me to self care. I truely have little or know time to myself to address my own needs as my chidrens needs are high plus I work to pay bills. Sorry to sound grumpy and selfish. I am just lost and feeling hopeless.

Thanks for taking the time to read.

[Croix]

Dear Dottibluebell~

You sure do have value. All we have been doing here is trying to point out to you how valuable you are. I guess we will reach a milestone when you start to think about yourself that way. People that soldier on in adversity for such a long time are worthy of admiration -and hat's you.

Look, just about everyone here has things they could improve, and thoughts and memories they could well do without. Coping is the aim. Maybe you are coping just a fraction better now than when you first posted, I hope so.

Finding there are others in the world who see you, understand you and your circumstances and think you are using what life has given you to do the best anyone can, well I've found that a help, I hope you do too and can draw a little strength from it.

Id be happy to hear back from you

Croix

[blondguy]

Hey Dotti

I know you are going through a black time in your life...we are happy to be here for you...no problem at all..

Just wanted to say hello and thank you for being a part of the Beyond Blue forum family

you are not alone here Dotti

my kindest thoughts for you

Paul

[Guest_5809]

Thanks more than ever. Feeling very alone right now. I try so hard to be positive and happy. It's all BS. sorry to sound so negative when you are being so kind to me.

[Guest_5809]

I have self medicated tonight. So disappointed in my self. You know I just want someone who sees my worth my goodness. I am tired of being alone and unloved. It's a tough realisation to come too. You are such a nice person. Thank you

[blondguy]

No worries Dotti

I joined the forums in January 2016 and I was a mess.....seriously

You have nothing to apologise for...ever

Just saying we are here for you

Paul

[Croix]

Dear Dottibluebell~

Don't be disappointed in yourself, accept there are ups and downs - and we do not always know why.

If I might suggest look at strategies that might help tomorrow, like the 10 minute rule. Have a look at

Forums / Long term support over the journey / Battling the booze

Which is mighty long but has good people and good tips.

Like most things persistence will get you there. I've been luckier than you and not had a self-med problem, unless you count cigarettes I guess.

You know we are always going to be happy to hear back from you

Croix

[Guest_5809]

The fact you reply and care makes me cry. Sorry I c ant help it.

[blondguy]

You are just fine Dotti

Crying is true sign of inner strength as well as having the ability to vent as well

we are here for you bluebell

Paul x

[Guest_5809]

I battle and battle for a moment lightness. I am tired of hearing of plans need to be made to move forward.

When my youngest was sexually assaualted at school. He didn't want hid dad knowing as his dead would have said he was dirty hay etc.

so I found out last night my 15 yo who disappeared for a week to hide at his dads, has told his dad about his assault. I am so hurt sad and just speechless. He had no right to tell. But he doesn't care. When I tried to talk to him about it, it's everyone else's fault. Life is a waste of time when the pain and pressure is relentless. 😢😢

[Croix]

Dear Dottibluebell~

That's very hard, I'd imagine you were thinking you had a special relationship and were helping. Well you probably do. A 15 year old who is in his position is probably not going to react with a lot of sense. You have said he has tried to kill himself in the past and I'm sure he would be a mass of hurt.

I'm not sure it means he doesn't care. I'd not be surprised if talking to his father had special significance for him, he knows he has you on his side already, something you have done for him by love.

Yes I know people here - me included - talk about doing things so as to get better and that must feel very frustrating and unrealistic at times. Please be patient, I guess if one sees someone down then one does want things to be better for them.

Do you think your ex will be of any help to him? From what you said before he does not sound that stable himself.

Croix