Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Paws and everyone…🤗.

I miss the cows in the paddocks across my road, I am so happy for you Paws that the owner put them in…it’s beautiful watching the calves running around, kicking up their back legs and just enjoying your life….The grass in the paddocks across from me has grown very tall and is so dry, it’s a concern if a fire started, I would be right in its path along with gummy gumtree…It’s so sad that people owning these huge grazing lands just let them go to waste and become dangerous in very hot weather…

The lunch wasn’t to bad, the drinking girl arrived at Mrs.nsc tipsy…I was in the background mostly…which suits me..

Deebi, I undone the bear kit..I think it’s to hard for me to get my head around…so much involved not sure if I’m able to complete it…or start it….I’ve put it away for another day…Sending you big sss love 💙💕💙 and 🐘🤗…

I’m practically back to my old self…knee is still a bit sore but okay at the same time😁..

Paws, yes my dogs have to taste test each other’s bones…even swap them many times😂..before they decide which is the right one for them 😂..

I am looking for Motivation…it got lost somewhere a few years ago…if anyone finds it, please send it my home…

My love, care and hugs everyone..♥️🦋🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[white knight]

Hi Grandy, its been a while since I posted.

I picked up on your lack of motivation. Sometimes we should try to accept that this can be quite normal. Even the most motivated car salesperson has lulls in his energy.

To try to kick start motivation you could try to mix up your life a little but not too much as to lose your routine. Attending motivation lectures is a great idea and most large towns have them from time to time even by retired footy players, Listen to friends in regard to their life routine (there could be a local group that they attend and could interest you and try and set your alarm in the morning earlier to watch the sunrise.

For me I just watch and listen to youtube videos .

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TBuIGBCF9jc

TonyWK

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Tony,

Thank you Tony, for the link you gave me….I will watch it soon..

I really do love watching the sunrise of a morning, I will try to get back into doing that…

Tomorrow is the last day of 2022, if it’s a nice day, I might try and take myself out to our Dam for a picnic lunch…and watch the people fishing….

Hugs Dear Tony, 🤗

Grandy….

[demonblaster]

Hey there Mrs beautiful ‌‌ WK and all other lovelies out there 🙂

Ah what a shame hun about the teddy bear kit but I'm thinking don't give up on it darls maybe down the track in a better frame of mind it might be easier to fathom. 
Mean this I think you're a highly intelligent soul hun but our mind as we know too well can work against us at times. 
I think also lovey it'd be good doesn't have to be now but to tackle it because anything that makes our heads think I feel can be mind opening which is a plus. Let alone the achievement. 
But try sweety not to let it bring you down. Don't entertain any of those horrid beasty thoughts dear friend. We're boss not IT!

What a shame the cows aren't there, they are lovely to watch and gives you something different in your life and I know you love animals. 
Ahh such gorgeous memories of seeing them play with a younger one kicking up the back legs. So cute. Love that they play. I like cows, reckon they're pretty cruisy and get on well mostly. Gentle creatures, maybe not always but there's always some in a pack isn't there.
I won't say here but a man had a really bad time from one that just lost the plot. 
But I maintain I think they're mostly placid creatures. 

Woo that sounds a worry the paddock not being looked after and that it could take gummy too would be terrible but of course ‌‌ scary for you. 
Grandz I wonder if an email to council would help. You sure do have good valid reason to have concern. 

Really good hearing you're coming good sweet, that was a close call eh. So glad you didn't fall as such and saved your head. Amazing in a split second how our minds work so fast thinking to save your head.  
Be great if it came through stronger in poor MH.  

Beautiful Grandy love I truly wish for you and every lovely that the New Year brings happiness health and no end of improvement darling/s. 

Always eternal love ‌‌ and the best friendship evs ‌‌ 💏💜

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy, DB, Paws, Tony, EVERYBODY - Happy New Year! 

You want to know what's given me a spark this year? I saw how some people in Ukrane are making the best of a really horrible Xmas - doing their damnedest to celebrate together, using generators & whatever they could get hold of... sharing what little they have, singing, being together.

If they can rally & MAKE meaningful connections - what can I do? I surely can do something. & I hope I have.

Grandy, does the teddy bear kit come with instructions, numbered, Step 1, Step 2, etc.? If so, may I suggest, tackling one step at a time. It's doesn't have to be completed today or tomorrow, or even next month. Maybe set aside half an hour for each step, if you think that could help. & if you have to undo, have a 'Vent & Let It Go' session, & redo the next day.

I think DB has a good idea, about emailing, (or phoning) about the overgrown paddock. If you are able to take a picture of it, send it as well, with an email, they could easily see what your concerns are. Then follow up with a phone call or another email. Please don't let it go if no-one gets back to you about it.

Hope you did get out to the dam, with a picnic lunch & enjoy yourself today - fish or no fish, depending on how hungry the penguins were today. Please don't blame me, if there were no fish. I never told them it was an 'All You Can Eat' dam.

Hugzies

mmMekitty  

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, mmMeKitty and everyone….🤗..

Thank you both for saying it’s okay to not do the bear kit right now…I have to find cardboard, trace the patterns onto it then cut it out…pin the material onto the cardboard, there’s about 14 maybe more, pieces of material I have to cut out…front ways and reverse ways….The Teddy bear looks so cute, but really what, why and who for was I going to do it for anyway…

Thats nice mmMeKitty about Ukrainian people…They have the true spirit of Christmas…I don’t really know much about what’s happening there, the news is very rarely on at my home…maybe I’m wrong not to know about what’s happening in the world…it’s just way to sad to know…hurts to much to hear about murders, car accidents etc…

No, I didn’t go out to the dam today….I thought about going for hours, had a sandwich made, a flask of tea and iced water but then thought about all the tourist and people holidaying at the dam….I lost my want to go there….

I haven’t really journaled before, but I’m going to start tomorrow and write in it each night, idk I’m not sure but I’m thinking journaling is kind of like a diary…might be wrong? ..I’ll see how it works out and if I can, I’ll do it daily..😁….

I hope tonight everyone has a great end of year night and the best ever New Years Day tomorrow…

Deebi, I miss the cows a lot, not sure if council will do anything about the land, because it’s grazing land and I think over 300 hectares…it’s a lot of land…Thinking of you precious bbff, with lots of SSS love and lots of care…and my gratitude 💙👭..💫 💭💫 🌹🦋..🐘🤗.

My love, gratitude, care and hugs everyone…and thank you all for being the beautiful caring people you are..🧡🦋🌹🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy

So, you got some way towards going to the dam. I'm sure you made a lovely sandwich. & after changing your mind about what you wanted to do, you had a relaxing afternoon - I hope. You can go to the dam another day, when there will be fewer people making less noise. No worries, no hurry, & no going crook on yourself either.

*

I know I've mentioned before, I have written a great deal, like journaling, or keeping a diary, (I don't really know the difference either). It's up to you to decide how often, how much or how little you write. Your journal is for you. No one else will ever see it, unless you decide to show them any part of it, so you are free to write whatever you want, using whatever language you want - it doesn't have to be good English, or even whole sentences. Your journal is your heart & mind, your dreams & dispairs, it's an expression of you.

Feel you want to write something, but can't think where to start? Sit back, be still, & just breathe. Then write what is the thought in your mind, the one that is closest to the surface, the loudest, & keep writing from there.

I once began writing, " i don't know what I want to write. I don't know how to begin. ..." From there I wrote about how I was feeling stuck,, with my mind seeming to not want me to know what I was thinking, how it goes blank.

It has amazed me what I might end up writing, beginning at one point & ending up somewhere completely unexpected.

For me, it made talking easier, when I wrote first. It also helped unravel some intertwined thoughts & feelings that were seeming too complex & confusing. It made me more aware of how my thoughts ran, keeping to certain well-worn paths, which I needed to get off of.

Certainly, sometimes it was very emotional, but even allowing that, in my private space, was useful.

Your journal doesn't have to do anything mine does. It's yours, & so will be what you make it. A little idea, which you might like: you could include pictures, doodles, sketches, cut out from magzines, anything you like, to help express yourself in your journal. Oh, & poems? Why not?

Hugzies

mmMekity

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear mmMeKitty, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩…..and everyone…🤗..

Thank you so much mmMeKitty for helping me to understand journaling better….I did start on the 1st day of 2023…and will try hard not to get unmotivated about doing it….You’re right about it being mine and no-one else has to see it…

I spent New Years Eve out on my front veranda, it was very quiet in town… I had my stereo on low and ran it through my blue tooth speaker….MmMeKitty a few songs Melanie played at Woodstock are …Beautiful People…Animal Crackers…..Mr. Tambourine Man..

I put the Teddy Bear Kit away, and brought out my long worked on walking stick…I base painted it a soft sky blue..

Tony, I did listen to the link you gave me, thank you…I do listen to Prem…just not enough I don’t think…I like the way he talks and thinks.

Deebi, hi bbff…I do hope so much that you are doing okay, I think I’ll have a scar on my knee to remind me to be more careful around my fur girls, I was lucky it could have been a lot worse…which I’m grateful for, if that makes sense at all 🙏…been thinking of you with much love 💕 and care🦋…

Been down a bit…but okay I guess…depression just doesn’t ever leave me alone for more then a few days….Who invented it anyway?🥹…never will understand how our brain turns against us….Saturday I’m back to work, hopefully I’ll pick up then…I’m not good at managing myself being on my own for so long….to much time for beasty thoughts to keep continually bombarding me….at least while I’m working I have no time to think…

My front screen security door handle fell and broke into lots of springs and tiny pieces…now I need to find a way to keep my screen door from swinging open all the time and staying closed at night time, until I can get another one…only place to get one is in the bigger town…and I can’t go there alone…

Hope everyone is having a nice day today, it’s so hot here…if I cracked an egg on the concrete it would cook in no time😂…

Hugs everyone, with my love and care..🤗💕🌹.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hi there dear bbff ‌‌ and all 
 

Oh darl I'm so sorry I didn't see ng this I looked a couple of days ago too.

Oh cool glad you're back to the walking stick, I loved our ideas for that and that sky Blue sounds gorgeous. Let us know how you go there huns. 

Sorry lovey hearing you've been down ‌‌geez it's awful and hard to pull up. Always remember sweety it's in us to think of different thoughts & how we react and feel. We got the goods hun tho nothing easy about it at all.
Hopefully today will help change the rhythm darlin . Was wondering when you're back to work. Do you still see some regulars that you're getting on well with hun?

Yikes not good about the back screen. Wonder if the op shop might have something like that. Otherwise could an ocky strap help or a piece of material be shoved in and close the door on it to wedge it. 

Sounded nice listening to the music hun. Told you before whenever I see stars I think of you and your beautiful sounding array where you live. We don't get tons but can see some which is lovely. 

I also watched the vid White Knight put up it was good. I've made the bed the last 3 mornings, usually do but got slack. Mr gorjy usually tries to but I'm in bed so makes part of it the precious.

Always thoughts and eternal love Grandy 
‌‌‌‌‌‌‌‌Cyaz

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, and everyone….🤗

I went to work on Saturday and feel like now I have a bit of a routine again…I went out of my house and yard for the first time since my neighbours “Christmas lunch”……saw and talked to people…It’s easier to go out when I have a destination that I need to be at…

I fixed the front screen door for now…put a hook on the door, then onto the screen steel mesh with some heavy elastic stuff and now it stays closed at night…daytime I generally have it held open by a doorstop…because I’ve got a sheer curtain hanging in the doorway…so I can see the trees, mountains, clouds etc..

Today, I’m sort of recovering from being on my legs most of yesterday, wow I’m not fit at all…my body feels so full of aches😁…I’m sitting on my front veranda talking to you all and am so grateful I have such a beautiful and peaceful view…Awe a big black n yellow butterfly is flittering around my veranda and came so close to me….hmm I don’t have to clean my house today…no one to tell me I have to, except me…and I say no, I’m going to enjoy sitting here for a little while first….it’s a beautiful day, hot but nice at the same time, with a gentle coolish  breeze…Which is making my wind chimes play gentle music….if I was successful a number of years back….I wouldn’t be able to be here…not be able to see the beauty around me….

My soul feels peace today, and it’s a beautiful feeling so I’m enjoying it while I can…

I hope today, that all our beautiful caring community friends and family feels peace today..

My love, hugs and care everyone…💛🦋🍀🤗..

Will pop over to yours today sometime bbff…💼🎁💙🐘🤗💙💫💙..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy…