Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Tess, Croix, Hanna and bbff Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩..

Thank you for your posts...it’s so lovely hearing from you all...Trying as hard as I can to attend all group therapy, most are hard I listen only...As long as I attend that’s good enough my psychiatrist said....

Tess...yes doing the best I can to do what I’m asked to do...Same, my dogs have gorgeous long hair that I love brushing...unfortunately I had to trim them back a few weeks ago...,Winters coming and along comes the thick messy hair...that always seems to fall out everywhere..

Hanna....I was at B then got moved to the bigger town D....I didn’t realise it’s Good Friday today....That means psychs off until Tuesday, which will be my next assessment...hopefully after next Tuesday I can go home...

Thank you Croix...I have some little earphones that I got out of my bag...yes I have lots of little things in my Grounding box I keep in my bag,,,,.I have been using them once I found them...they do help by taking the sharpness away....

Heya Deebi....Love your little 🎁 to me....Now you just might have to patient “trade mark “ those gorgeous butterfly cameras.....How good are they...Thank you bbff....big love & hugs...bbff..🧸🤗💚🦄💭🐇🐣...

There is a man next to my room....strumming his guitar....soft music very nice when everyone else can stay quiet......Which is only when they sleeping ..

So tired mentally and physically....wish their was a place that I could sit next to a river and be quiet of body and soul....The trains coming through mainly at night...a lot of heavy containers they pull behind them,,,haven’t counted them yet....will tomorrow as tomorrow , Sunday and Monday....are free days....my beautiful big red rock still sits in peace behind the building...sat on it today...jumped up so quickly because the rock was so hot...no groups, psychs etc....My Psychiatrist just brought me in a picture of a puppy to colour in over this long weekend for her to see Tuesday...

Missing my fur babies and of course my home....Doesn’t matter how safe a place is.....it never gives that feeling of the safety you get from your own home and surrounding...

I hope everyone has a really good.....Good Friday...and long weekend...

Much love and hugs to everyone...🐇🐣🦋🌹🦄🤗💜.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy,

Thinking of you there - it's a beautiful day today - little Sam and I had a nice stroll by the river this morning - it's still too muddy from the flood to sit on the grass unfortunately... but he does enjoy it, and we'll go again later today when it's cooler... nice and quiet as it's Good Friday.

I'm glad you are in D town as it's closer to your home... bear with it, not too long and you will be back home with your furs and hopefully feeling better in yourself... meanwhile we send you warm soft fluffy cuddles from little Sam... so glad you are having some soothing guitar music played where you can hear it... good for the soul.

Really sorry we can't visit you there but thinking of you dearest lady and wishing you love and peace... your furs will be so glad to have you back.. meantime I hope the people there are helping and supporting you...

hugs hugs hugs.

[Croix]

Dear Grandy~

The longing for a quiet place just to sit, by a river or elsewhere and rest the soul is something I need too, and life does not often actually provide such a place. When things are getting too much then I think of a special place in my mind, one that is made up from my youth in North Wales.

You have probably heard me talk of it before, but I think it does no harm to revisit. As you read examine your own thoughts and see if you have a place inside you that brings rest, change and peace.

I'm standing on a plateau of sheep nibbled turf on the side of a granite mountain, with outcroppings of rock coming though the turf. I'm high up and can se the sea on three sides, it is grey and windswept with spume flying from the wave-tops.

It is very windy and I have to keep leaning into it to remain upright, a seagull zooms right past me, wings half folded, carried on the gust of the storm. I can see squalls of rain out to sea but approaching. As one hits it runs down my face, wetter even that tears. However I'm snug in my waterproof clothing.

Long-tailed sheep huddle against a rock, their backs to the storm. Calmly waiting it to abate.

I can stay here for quite a while, the storm and sea and rock, natural elements still where they were when I was a lad, enduring and permanent, a reminder my troubles are not so great in the scheme of things. That there things outside my immediate world of worry and work that are greater. It gives me a glimpse of perspective. I do not have to be right or perfect or succeed, just be.

It's evening and Sumo Cat is 'busy' beside me as usual, I wish you a restful night.

Croix

[demonblaster]

Heya beautiful besty girl 👩‍❤️‍👩 good as always hearing from you thanks keeping in touch darlz.

Hi everyone. Mr Croixy man Good seeing you 😊 very nice place you have in your mind. Well said I felt it.

Mrs gorgeous that does sound lovely the guitar. It has a soothing sound or can really ramp up if they want.

Good on you going to the group thingys. That'd be SO hard for you I know lovey. You're a brave lady you are my/our Grandy Floss.

Gorgeous love I'm pretty wrecked so going to watch some neighbours we recorded then off to beddy byes.

So glad you like the 🎁 they're fun to create aren't they.

Cool your Red rock still there, imagine us all sitting with you there huns 🤝.

Oh Grandy I so wish we could be in rl. Just not fair is it. Hurts biggly!

Sleep well precious friend. So much love for you.

Oh did I tell you we looked at a REALLY nice place yesterday. LOVE it! Be bummed if we dont get it and across road from other besty. Oh geez our luck needs to turn.

Ok sweets please keep that chin up sweety. Your just magic.

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤗👀🌈🤝💤🍫⚘🌞

[demonblaster]

And a very good morning to you Mrs beautiful...ahh sweetyheart I'm so sorry darlin I didn't mean to scare you.

I slept in the broom closet last night in your room which was handy actually tho there's not much room I found a spot to park my broom oh btw if you could sometime please give it a service...the bristles seem a bit frayed too I can't sweep very well...ohh and the crowd sighed ...what a shame I can't sweep 😞

I could have come out a lot quieter if I hadn't landed my foot in the mop bucket which in turn caused me to fall out of the cupboard instead of stroll...so your surprise was a fright instead. There's an oops!

Can't really complain tho because sleeping standing up did wonders for my back and I wasn't worried about falling over so no falling dreams cause the other normal brooms mops and dusters all held me up. Ummm just wondering tho could I borrow your bed.

So good you have a break from it all darl it must be pretty full on.

I was glad to hear you as we had too not realised it was Easter which reminds me I bought you some OMG! super yum marshmallow easter eggs they're magnifico my lovely and a thousand piece 🍫choccy eggy that once was hollow but I tell ya broom traffics not as easy as it used to be.
Had a little well actually quite large bump into the bristles of an oncoming and it was just when I was about to have a bite...guess Karma was looking out for my diet...oh so kind 😭 so with all the racket it got fractured.
All good I had surgery to get the bristles out of my face.

Ok gorgeous enjoy your day beautiful.
Between thinking about what they're teaching you keep the happy feel goods flowing dear friend.

You're the ultimate meaning to a beautiful person and bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩💜
My loves deep for you that'll never change gorji.

Happy Easter honey. You're never alone. Yes virtual but we're people that care and love you regardless of distance 😢
Always with you Grandy 😚

🦋🌈🍫👀🤝🌱

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy,

hello again. I hope your Saturday is going to be a quiet one, except for the guitar playing, that sounds lovely.

we are all wishing you well. A weekend free of psychs and groups could be good for you and give you some time to rest and think about the good things in your life. Do your sons know that you are in hospital? I hope that they will contact you over the Easter break.

i shall sit with you for a while Grandy.

tess xx

[Hanna3]

How are you going Grandy? I just popped by to say hello and to let you know little Sam and I are thinking of you. It's very hot here today. I am sad as I seem to have been ghosted by a dear friend in another state who isn't replying to messages or texts and I don't know why...

But at least little Sam is here, and we are hoping you are managing OK dear lady. Hugs!

[demonblaster]

Hey there my gorji bbff I'm hoping your assessment went well today precious 🤗

And that you're going as well as you can be.

I'm sorry blossom I know this is really hard on you. I'm just so glad you're being looked after my bbff. Always 🗯 with so much security in a beautiful friendship with deep love.

Grandy honestly no pressure to reply hun I know how hard it is to talk in dark times.

Please Grandy pubAok. I need you sweetyheart and so many people here too care so much cause you're an amazing lady with the strength of a lioness. Thinking about our dear Peppy saying that.

Huns you have home to look forward to and reuniting with y/our beautiful furs. They sou d so gorgeous.

Getting a little cooler now, that's our type of weather. Cool wind on our faces feeling brisk but warmly clothed.

Thought we could you for a walk along the beach and being virtual how bout a perfect cooler temp in the water but not freezing aye. We can hire a piece of driftwood for 3 people and laugh talk sit in silence content in eachothers company in peace.

Not long for home sweets 🤗

Love always treasure 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤝🗯🌈👀🦄🦋🐘⚘🌱

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy,

i do hope that you are alright. You will have seen the psych by now? . Have you sat outside by the rock and enjoyed the nature around you?

It has been warm over here but it is trying to rain this morning I shall have a quiet day and clean my house a bit, it really needs it.

we are all thinking of you

tess xx

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

I hope you managed to spend more time out by the big rock enjoying all the sights & sounds of nature over the long weekend... not good that the rock was too hot to sit on the other day... hmm could you sneak a cushion out??

I wanted to stop by & give you a gentle squishy bear hug... Woofa sends big wet snuffles... whoops... don't look he has just managed to give you a slobber earring... ummm... "look there's a bird " I yell pointing at the sky... as I quickly grab the ever present slobber cloth & whisk away the earring before you even notice... phew....

I'm sitting with you in spirit lass...

Love & hugs

Paws