Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[quirkywords]

GrandyI have been catching up on your posts. Sorry you still have pain.

i had brothers not sisters so often get on well  with men as friends. However where I volunteer there is  male I feel a bit uncomfortable with he has said a few things that aren’t inappropriate but I find myself trying not to talk to him but there is is also a woman I find difficult to work with.

[demonblaster]

Hi our gorjy Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and other dear friends 😊

Good to see you Grandy love. 
what a shame about your R arm. When one’s in bad shape we favour the other, I imagine that’s why. Urghh hard yakka having any type of pain isn’t it. Poor girl this has been ongoing for quite some time eh. Glad the L at least s holding up.

Wow what a lovely compliment being offered shop manager. You might not see it that way darlin but you’d certainly be worthy of that important job but you definitely need to be comfortable in what you do. Fair enough darl and you’re doing so well where you are. 

Loven you’re looking forward to the other side of Vinnies. I think don’t worry about speaking up at times, that’ll come when it comes and you get to know them more. 

Ah though not sounding so good with the new couple. Shame but great someone’s getting the heavy load sorted. Must be a relief for youse all.

Kitty thanks for the lovely hug btw and back at you.

Croixy hiya too yes I’m wary when in need of strong pain relief too becoming tolerant to them. True when needed we have no choice. 

Grandy love thank you for your kindness. Life throws some nasties doesn’t it. 
Yay we’re in out new place it’s really nice I feel like it’s home. Yip unpacking in bits now but we did hook in to start.

I’m glad you’re having physio darlin. That hopefully will do them good for the long run. Shame you’re still needing pain relief for the R one poor thing. 

Dear Grandy I sincerely hope you’re doing well darling friend. It doesn’t change you being in my thoughts 24/7 with love pride and eternal friendship. Keep goin darlin. You matter very much to many trooper 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗💭🌺🌈🍫 pubAok YAdimh 💗

[Ggrand]

Hello Quirly, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, mmMeKitty and everyone….

I had to wash one side of my house down due to lots of spiderwebs…lol more spiderwebs then walls….I accidentally hosed into an air vent, the water wet something I think and I’ve been without power for around 5 days…No way to charge my phone and iPad….all my food in my freezer and fridge went bad and I had to throw it all out😭…..I did call an electrician to find out the problem, he was supposed to turn up on Friday but didn’t….he cam after I finished work today and told me that water has gotten into the junction box in my roof…he worked out I have power in a couple of outlets, so he lent me an extension cord and I’m running my fridge/freezer off that….He will be back after a couple of days to probably red wire that section if it hasn’t dried out…..so many $’s that I don’t have…thankfully he said I could pay off his fee…which I won’t know until he returns in a grew days…..after he goes into my roof…….too late for the food though!….always something goes wrong, doesn’t it?…to test us…..nothing ever seems to go right for me…..

The couple who also work on Thursdays has been disrespectful to the other co-ordinator on that day and the 2 Welfare workers….as well as me….but do management listen NO!….because we cannot get enough volunteers we have to accommodate them with work….The lady is a good worker, her partner thinks he can do whatever he wants to do…even left the work premises last Tuesday for nearly 3 hours, without letting me know, then came back and told his partner that they were going home….an hour earlier then Centrelink requires…they signed the attendance book by lying and saying they left at the right time….I am scared of him…to scared to tell him that he is doing wrong by the shop…..I am seriously thinking of giving Tuesdays up while he is working there….but that’s blackmail…It’s giving my management an ultimatum….either he goes or I go…..I’m confused as to what to do now….

I’m m so happy you’re feeling like your new place is like home…adding your own little treasures will add to that feeling…..I have a nice collection of glass paper weights and dolls that have moved with me many times…you also dearest bbff are in my heart ♥️ with lots of love and care..🚂🤗🌈🦋💙...

Quirky, I have only brothers…one that was very abusive to me, who thought he was entitled to anything he wanted and he got it…no matter what it was, or who he hurt to get it….All the boys or men in my life have used me for there own wants….I think my vulnerability stands out to much to men, and they can sense it….I’m just a joke to them…..someone that can be pushed around easily without any problems of repercussions to them….I wish I wasn’t like that, but I am….

Hugs everyone with my care and love..🤗🦋🧡..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Dear Grandy,

Oh lass you are having a bad run with things aren't you. I will keep everything crossed for you that the wiring dries out & doesn't need re-doing.

Telling management that you won't work on days when that man is there is not in any way blackmail. You are simply requesting a safe workplace where everyone is treated with respect, this is something workplaces must provide under health & safety regulations (even for volunteers), so you are only asking for what you are legally entitled too. Difficulties in getting staff is not a valid excuse for management to use. If it means they need to close on some days that is their problem not yours, they should be more proactive in finding ways to attract volunteers. You should be proud of yourself for speaking up.

Big hugs 

Paws

[demonblaster]

Hey Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and all lovelies 😊

yikes you’re really copping hard times Grandy. Urgh losing food and power would be very hard. We rely on both so much. I really amsorry you’re having such difficult times darlin 🤗

Hoping he’s been back. Good news you can pay him off.

Ah not sounding good news the bloke is he. She sounds like she’s a worker which is good but not his attitude by the sounds and rubbing everyone up the wrong way too. 
Yip as always a very supportive post from our lovely Pawsy hi darl yesI agree good job speaking up hun. No not blackmail it’s great seeing you back yourself actually. Good Grandy love. 

I wouldn’t like to see you lose a day out of the house and that you’re more comfy with people and regulars to the shop sounds like a good for you hun but you do need to be happy in what you’re doing which that fella seems to block. Sounds like he needs to pull his head in!

I do Hope youre getting some pain relief Grandy and good sleeps geez doesn’t that make such a difference. And that you’re having some quality veranda time. Don’t we have lovely memories out there with our beauts from here. 

Best of luck with the electrical situation darlin oh what an ordeal. 

Always thoughts and loads of love and care sweet friend. Hold in there darlin each times a win to you and a fat zero to beasty! 

take good care everyone you’re beautiful people that deserve peace and harmony. We got this!

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌈💗😇💜☀️👀🍫

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone…

Thank you for your kindness…

The extension that was added to my home many years ago is where the electrician has found the fault…that’s the dining area, kitchen and laundry areas…He has found that the power outlets work in my other rooms, he has turned off that section from my power box and he has let me borrow his extension cord to run my fridge from another area in my kitchen, which works…..when I need to wash, I disconnect the fridge from the extension cord and connect my washing machine to it…same when I want to boil the jug or use the toaster, microwave etc….a bit of a hassle but until he comes back….when that is I don’t know…for now I’m happy enough to have my fridge running, being able to have a cup of tea when I want one…..more then not a rewriting of that section, he needs to get into my roof and check out the junction box that’s in their first to see what’s happening….

The new couple are not coming in again until 26th this month, they didn’t come in on Tuesday….I did a bit of a happy dance 😀…the other workers were relieved as well….I will wait things out until Christmas until I decide what I’m doing with Tuesdays….I was told they live in a caravan, so they might move on…Caravan parks out here are not permanent sites and after so many months they are required to leave…

Thank you Paws, you make a lot of sense to me…I need to feel safe in my workplace…so does everyone else…

Deebi, yes an extra day at home won’t be good for me…The 4 days I stay home are filled with boredom….I try hard to find something I like doing, even after 10 years I get no joy or even contentment out of doing things,  so basically I just sit/lay around until my work days come along….I hope you’re enjoying your new home….is it close enough to a beach that you can have some nice walks along the sand?….Pubaok yadimh 24/7 with my love precious friend…💙🌈🦋🤗..

Hugs everyone..🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🚂🌈🦋..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Croix]

Dear Grandy

Having all that food spoil and no power was a horrible thing to happen. Like you I'm just glad you have some power now. Do the furbabies have to have food from the fridge? It's good the electrician will take payments over time, at least it makes things possible. Hopefully it will not cost too much.

Those two do spoil things for you at the shop, however it is the man, by the sounds of it, and not the woman. I would think sticking it out with the support of your regular workers. is a possibility - what do you think? And if they cheat Centerlink  then it is not your job to do anything about. It's just more stress.

When you weigh up the effect they have on you against sitting at home it might well be worth it. They do not sound as if they are going to be permanent fixtures, particularly as other people may come in and want to volunteer, meaning you manager is not so short staffed he has to use them.

Has the good arm remained good? Even if washing the house did cause a short it sounds as if you can be a bit more active now - I do hope so.

Croix

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Croix, mmMeKitty,Deebi, Paws and everyone…

I found out that it wasn’t me washing the house that caused my power to die…it’s corrosion of the older part of my house wiring….They are coming tomorrow to rework the older part of my house…Cost wise a rough estimate is $2,000.00 plus…I physically feel sick with the price and then having 3 strange men in my house tomorrow for roughly 4-5 hours is adding to my stress….I have a very strong urge to run away from everything that’s happening….

Thank you Croix…my left shoulder/arm is still good…

Hug everyone,

Grandy

[mmMekitty]

Okay, Grandy, so you have three fellows coming to your place tomorrow to re-do your old wiring. You feel like running away. Because it would be unwise to leave your home while they are there, what do you plan to do when you feel like running away? Could you practise breathing exercises, maybe sitting with your furbabies, (conveniently, they ought to be in an area of the house where the electricians are working), but sometimes check in on their progress? Maybe have something to do to distract yourself, & while doing, the activity could make the time seem to go by more quickly. Or maybe, just get out into the garden while they are there, but I'd still suggest keeping an eye on their progress?

Although it is short notice, perhaps someone such as Betty, could come & stay with you for the time they are there?

As for the bill to pay, perhaps Services Australia (Centrelink) would be able to help you?

I don't know if any of my ideas will help. I've felt like I could not stand to have people come into my flat, but it also seemed it wasn't so bad as I expected. It was actually my anxiety leading up to the event was worse than the event itself. I also thought, it was easier when I kept an eye on the people coming to my flat, but not watching every minute either.

I always think you are so strong, more capable than you believe, & have already been through so much, that I feel sure you can cope with your anxiety, using the tools you have learned over the years.

Hugzies

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Lass I do understand how uncomfortable it will be having strange men in your house, I felt the same when I had work done when I first moved here. I spent most of the time keeping Woofa close just to help me feel safer.

You can do this, remind yourself that he not only lent you his power cord, but offered to let you pay his fees off. That is the behaviour of a kind person lass.

I think mmMekitty has some good ideas to help you cope, both with having tradesmen there & trying centrelink to help you pay. I know you hadn't thought of it, but having this done will make you so much safer as so many house fires are caused by faulty wiring. 

I will sbe sitting with you tomorrow in spirit.

Hugs

Paws