Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[demonblaster]

Yoo hoo ...anyone home...are there you are our dear Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 and helloww to gorgeous kya and Ebony ..oh how cute look how excited youse are to see us..oh..oh.. it's the meaty bones and our gorgeous furs that you're excited about...roight 🤔...mental note get hugs and kisses before I show the goodies ...okey dokey then.

How you goin there my girl.

Hun I've been thinking that as you said it's been ages since you've been so low. I know you've struggled a lot but so low this one. There certainly is a lot of heavy rot going on that gives beasty full playground. We know the remedy to stop the brat in it's steps is to think of anything wether memories or neutral thoughts like simply a ball, how many games shapes sizes colour etc.

So I feel this is an excellent reminder amongst many wins you're having how far you're coming my dear. Power to you!

What do they say about strengthening a muscle...we need to keep at it, practising the positives, talking to our thoughts I read today talking out loud to ourselves is therapeutic also can help with loneliness to a degree.

Something else I read then heard it on TV is listening to upbeat music can help with loneliness. It sparks good memories and releases dopamine I think which also stimulates some big word 🤔. Makes sense I thought.

Oh Grandz my apologies I didn't mean to ignore you on the loneliness thread, so sorry hun and thanks I often think what can help and will get back I forgot then when I remembered forget again... 🙃 BP packing. Not enough sleep ...delightful mix.

Still troubles but had a good run with PC today well better but not. Think I'll need to put some coin in drat.

Honeyheart I left some dear wee Deendy 🐉 yum lollies...each colour has the real fruit tangy flavour...excuse my drooling

Grandy you're always in my first thoughts on waking. Oh darl I so hope you're turning the corner gorgeous. It' attimes hard to get what's being said isn't by people but I find thinking later sometimes clicks or noting things and going back later I LIke you suggested that once. We'll get there beautiful...we ARE CAN and WILL because we're stronger than IT and we're learning how to. Not overnight but it is happening and that's what counts aye champion.

Loves the most powerful emotion that makes life worth the effort. You have it in spades dear sss friend. YAdimh lysvm

How's your ticker going hun?

Nigh nite beautiful kind caring soul 🤗☄🤝🗯👀😚👩‍❤️‍👩💜🌈

Good days lovely people, it's in us!

[Hanna3]

How are you going Grandy dear lady? I hope you are feeling a bit better now - you went on a bit of a downer there you poor thing! This dreary overcast chilly weather doesn't help anyone feel good either! This happens every time little Sam gets his fur clipped short - now he's got the shivers poor little guy! We went to big town with an O yesterday, but it was warm and sunny, what a change today is!

Sending hellos to Deebi there!

Warm hugs Grandy dear lady oooooxxxxx

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

I saw on the news tonight vision of the mice plague out your way... it looked like they covered every surface... I really hope it's not that bad where you are... have you been able to keep them out of your house? How are your furs with them all?

How are you lass? You have been doing it so hard lately... I think it's wonderful that despite that you are still reaching out a helping hand to others on bb... you are such a beautiful soul lass. I hope you are being as gentle with yourself as you are with others...

Has the weather there been good enough for you to sit on your verandah & enjoy nature?... It's been so warm here Woofa & I have been in front of the fan most days this week... that is when we weren't fighting for space on my bed whenever I tried to have a nap or go to bed.

Huggliest of hugs

Paws

[demonblaster]

Vroom...oh this is fun doing doughnuts on the oops well it was grass once hey maybe I could do your lawns on my hotted up you beaut 🏍 you decked out for me. Wish we could eat those doughnuts.

Ok so an alterior motive to visit is if you can could you do some Grandy special mechanics 🛠...I'm in need of another wheel...blasted thing fell off on the way here...arr so that's why the doughnuts...bummer thought I was going SO well with my bike tricks...🙄

Darlin just wanting to see as our lovely Pawsy too and without a doubt your many friends here how you're going. I know too well how long it takes to recover from BP and PTSD slams.

Always know you're a beautiful soul full of love that we also have in Spades for you.

Always love Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩💜⚘🌱✨🤗 long lasting hugs.

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Hanna, Paws, and everyone ...🤗..

Thank you all for your caring posts...they are very appreciated..

I am okay at times then not okay...I haven’t been to my volunteer job now for a couple of weeks..not really wanting to go outside...I was so upset when I found out that a case worker went to my volunteer place to check if I went in....They have no right to do that...I don’t think?...

Then yesterday my WW supporter msged me that she will pick me up today and take me to an appointment at the mh clinic...,I never made this appointment and I don’t know who did....I have to go....as I cannot go against the mh or they will admit me until I’m back to where I was..It’s either feast or famine with mh out here....They disappear until your on the verge of unhealthy behaviour....then they don’t leave you alone...

I need to work this out on my own...Since I saw and heard something that took me down..I’ve been having nightmares, but strangest thing is..I wake through the dream and my dream seems to come alive...and it continues with me still talking to hmmm...while I’m fully awake...and this last until I get back to sleep....then it still continues...this is not every night..but when it happens it really shakes me up...Then of course the next night I fight sleep until I just fall asleep....

Also Betty’s son came and fixed his mums car..but didn’t call in to loosen this darn bolt for me...That disappointed me as well..anyway...

The mice seem to be less since the rain started...so hope they don’t come back again after it stops....

I have to get ready now as she will be here in half hour...

I hope everyone has a good day today...

Deebi....I will fix your wheel better then ever...maybe I’ll find in my bag 💼...some kind of special wheels.....Big love to you bbff...💚🦄🕊🧸🤗..Some Deebi 💭...

My love, care and hugs everyone...💜🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy....

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy,

Sorry to hear you've been going through a tough time. I don't know what the mh people can do as I don't know your situation... but I hope they have been able to give you some help... and that you are being kind to yourself. This rainy weather and all the flood reports on the news aren't helpful if you're feeling low.

Just remember this will ease and eventually go away. Hug your furkids and be gentle to yourself dear lady.

Sending soft cuddles from little Sam to you xoxoxoxo

[demonblaster]

Beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩 hi everyone 🙂

Sweetyheart I couldn't finish a post I started today we had to pop out and was hoping to finish it tonight but seriously my eyes fell on the keyboard 👀 so beddy byes is urgently calling.

Leaving you a single bubble...breathe nice and deep then slowly slowly let all the yukkys out on it and watch it change shape and turn into a sparkling Golden heart just like yours you beautiful soul 🤗

I so hope you're sleeping peacefully and catching up precious lovely

See you tomoz honey.

Oh oh some excellent news ...have list 5kgs woot woot...time for choccy now!

Love you zillions dear dear friend. Always on my mind with deep love 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🙂👀🕊⚘🤝

[Ggrand]

Hello Hanna, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩...and all..

Hanna..I love the rain..I wish it could rain every week for a few days without causing any flooding or damage...So much I prefer the colder weather...especially the icy air on my face...

Thats wonderful news Deebi..loosing 5 kilos...you go girl...I’m really very proud of you..,,I only have to look at something yummy and I put on some weight...5 kilos, which is 10 tubs of margarine ..that is a lot to loose..

Thank you for the single bubble..it’s really beautiful..and I appreciate it so much...

The mh appointment I went to on a Tuesday didn’t go really well...Too many questions, I had to excuse myself and get out of his office..it was just too much for me....Another appointment was made for this afternoon with my psychiatrist from Sydney...Who wants to admit me into hospital for some help...I had a choice to volunteer myself in to hospital and stay in the hospitals mh rehabilitation and treatment centre...next week....or being admitted there and then into the psych ward in hospital...not much of a choice..

So now I’m home full of anxiety knowing on day early next week I’ll be admitted to hospital...as soon as a bed/room becomes vacant..Then to top it all off...The hospital I’m going to is over 150 kilometres away....It has more to do with trauma and DV....Dam it! I don’t want to do this again....😢..It’s so hard in hospital..the psychiatrists, groups etc....It’s not fair...Wish I had a different life..or was a different person....

I am okay....just feeling deflated and heartbroken that I have to do what they say...I have been warned about running away...mh are doing welfare phone calls 3 times a day to check in on me..

Didn’t really know how to tell you...but needed to..feeling very alone right now...

Special love dearest Deebi...💚🧸🤗..

Love and hugs everyone..

Grandy..

[Guest_1055]

You are right it isn't fair Grandy. I have read back some and cannot even understand why the MH people are saying what they are saying. It does not make any sense to me at all.

You are no harm to anyone and I don't believe you are any harm to yourself either. I simply don't see the point of it.

Gosh I wish I could help you somehow.

Are you feeling angry about it all Grandy? Thought I picked that up. Maybe you are simply sick of all this. Can you get rid of any of it. Punch into your pillow or something like that.

You have every right to feel angry if you do. This is your life and you have every right to live it how you desire. Abiding by the criminal laws etc. Of which I believe that would be in your nature to do anyway.

Sorry I am not much help at all. But I am listening to you Grandy.

[demonblaster]

Ahh darlin bbff come here sweety 🤗

Dear Grandy it really is so hard for you geez and going through it all again!

I know they clearly care and like they're looking out for you but not having a choice isn't fair!

Darl I'm very slowly starting to remember bits of Mind spot is it geez heads 🙃 atm still. The one you did too online..anyway with anxiety one of the things is too ask yourself if it's likely to happen if your minds racing ahead.to situations that might not eventuate. That energys needed to hold up not pull you down beasty brat!

Sweety you got through this before and you will again because you re strong enough no matter what depression (IT) says. You really are Grandy and beasty needs to know that on no uncertain terms. Be forceful telling (IT)

Keep in mind honeyheart our first thought isn't what we have to go with. We can choose what we want to think about.

You're welcome gorgeous glad you liked the bubble. How bout pop it in your pocket and when you need me I'll be there virtually but close by in your heart.

Lovey you've way stronger than your last hospital visit so it could be easier.

Dear Grandy believe you'll get through ok it helps open the mind to better thought.

Love you very much Grandy. Hey and we'll be with you every step. I truly am so sorry you feel so alone. It hurts knowing such a beautiful soul has to go through everything you have and do alone. Wrong!

Petal I'm 👀 you always dear friend sss BPaly Grandy love.

🤝👩‍❤️‍👩💜✨🌱🕊 breathe hun as often as you think to. A few each batch is better I find. Longer time to focus on something else.

Please try and turn the head of thinking too much so you get quality sleep.

Relieved hearing you're ok, i know not but holding. That's the extra strength precious lady ⚘

Nigh nite darlin 🤗💜🦄🤗💜🐕🤗💜💼🤗💜🕊🤗💜✨