Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Grandy and everyone,

I’m so sorry you had that experience with the grief counsellor. Losing a pet is no less than losing a human and it’s so unfortunate you got someone insensitive.

I sent you a message earlier which has now disappeared which I’m thinking is maybe because I included a link to losing a pet on the Griefline website, and maybe we are not allowed to do that. I have asked ModSupport for clarification. But I am glad Paws has mentioned the same resource and it may be helpful having a look.

It is lovely you planted the rose bush for Ebony. Her beautiful spirit is always with you and you have that presence you can feel even though she has passed. Go gently and sending you a warm hug 🤗 

ER

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Paws, Quirky, Eagle Ray and everyone……🤗..

Thank you all for saying what you have said…I started feeling like I shouldn’t be feeling the way I was….and I was waisting their time…but you know I just don’t care anymore…I have learnt from a few different counsellors I’ve had in the past…that it’s just a job for them to make money….no compassion, no care, no empathy, all some counsellor’s think about is the money they make from other peoples hurting…..I’m over reaching out for help anymore…

If I had too, I would die for my fur girls…if it meant saving them…

Paws, I have tried countless times to grow roses and failed miserably…Its just that a customer gave me and Betty* 2 cutting each off a very old rose bush of his…with a few roots on them….he said it’s fragrant is very nice….and that his father planted it over 30 years ago, so I decided to try again…the other one I planted in a large pot on my veranda…

Quirky, I can’t report her, she made me feel like a waste of time and it made me feel guilty about that…..I have a stupid brain that guilt trips me so very easily…I try to fight my brain so much but then it’s like….what if my complaint caused her to loose her job, then she might loose her house…and then what might happen…..my thoughts just would go from bad to worse… I will let my Dr know about how she treated me…so my Dr won’t set up any other appointments with her for anyone else who’s lost their beautiful pet….

Eagle Ray, thank you for understanding about how loosing a pet can be just as heartbreaking as loosing a person… people I work with, who have pets were quick to tell me 2 years back when Ebony shattered her knee…and I told them the cost of a knee reconstruction for her…..their reply was to much dollars, put her to sleep…I was shocked to hear them say that…after she healed from her operation she was running around again like a happy puppy…I’m still paying off the vet bill from that operation, but I wouldn’t have it any other way….I miss her so much…

Love, care and hugs everyone….🩷🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Grandy,

I think you can take heart from the fact that at least your doctor could see and validate your grief. It's just so unfortunate the person you were referred to spoke as they did. Yes, it will be good to give the feedback to your doctor about the experience and they will probably think twice about referring people on to that person.

I empathise with how you feel about counsellors because I had a number of average to very bad experiences before I found my current psychologist. I lost a lot of money to not only get nowhere but even be harmed in some cases, especially by the first therapist who behaved in very damaging ways. For a long time I didn't reach out for help anymore. But I did find someone really good in the end, so it is possible, but it can be quite an exhausting process along the way finding them. I'm glad you have shared your feelings with us. Whenever and whatever you need to share is always welcome here.

You were the best mum to Ebony and you gave her two more years of running around with her doggy sisters. I met a woman once who had paid about $3000 for her cat's eye operation. Her husband didn't want it and said, "There's nothing wrong with a one-eyed cat". But the woman persisted and went ahead with the op so her cat would not lose the sight in that eye.

Take good care Grandy and take comfort in knowing that you are a wonderful dog parent and you gave Ebony a loving home and life.

Hugs,

ER

[demonblaster]

Hi our dear Grandy 🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone 💗

Ah dear Grandy I’m so sorry hearing of such a …. Ok refraining from saying the actual words. What a heartless useless woman she is. That’s absolutely appalling to go on like that. How dare her!

Good Grandy to tell your Dr that’s good thinking and to avoid her being used for others in the same very hard situation. Poor darling. 
I really do feel for you Huns 🤗

What a beautiful thing to do, planting the Rose bush next to the dear girl.
Good on that man what a thoughtful person wanting to share the beauty. 

Our dear girl will always be in your heart darlin that doesn’t leave thank goodness 💗🌸🕊️

I agree with Eagle Ray it’s about pure love and doesn’t matter if human or fur. 

Grandy love I know you’re ok with rainy days but I’m just hoping today and to follow you have some sun to put a lil light in your heart sweet lady. 

You’re loved appreciated and matter to many our girl. 
You make a difference darlin 🤗💜🕊️💭☀️

Much love Grandz 🌸🦋

[Croix]

Dear Grandy~

Now that a little time has passed I can comment on your so-called councilor, someone that hurt you greatly.

Ebony was an expression of love, does not matter if pet or human, and when the end comes that love and gief and loss is just as intense no matter what.

Can I suggest you feel sorry for that councilor, they have obviously not known either love or true grief and damage people as a result. They are also in the wrong profession, lighthouse keeper well away from people  perhaps?

We have always had at leat two pets, and I still miss them all, though the happier memories are very much to the forefront nowadays.

Croix

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Eagle Ray, Croix and readers…..🤗..

Time moves on and the hurt of loosing my sweet Ebony is easing some, I watch my other 2 pets and they are getting on with their lives, happily it seems….They have become very close to each other, doing everything together without their daughter and sister…. Mum and Ebony were inseparable before, now it’s all  changed, I am getting used* or accepting this……, as much as we want to I have learnt that we cannot change what happens, it’s just not in our power…..I have taken away her bed now, which has helped, because everytime I looked at it, I remembered her pain….

That councillor took away some more faith I have in humanity…I agree she should not in the position she is in…some people are so money hungry that they don’t care about their clients at all…they look/think of people like they are not humans but dollars in their pockets…Im definitely over councillors/ psychologist etc…

I am taking a break away from my home and work through the upcoming school holidays, I’ll be driving to the Sydney area in a few weeks to visit both my children, staying a week at each one’s home….I need to get away from familiarity, been in a deep depression for a while now and not thinking really healthy thoughts…my fur girls will be staying at home, my neighbour said she will look after them…its the first time I will not have them with me…I just need a break away everything….life is just too hard right now..I’m hoping that seeing my children, grandchildren and great grandchild will give me some type of relief from my depression….My grandson is having his second baby late October….I will miss his/her birth but will be able to see them and give them my best wishes to both my granddaughter in law and new great grandbaby…

Since the property across from my home sold and ownership took over 2 weeks ago…theirs been heavy farm equipment, bull dozers, diggers, even tar machines, making constant noise from 8am till 4.30pm….it will be nice to have a bit of peace away from all that….laughing grandchildren beats the constant noise of machinery any day….With men working directly across from my home,  I feel to afraid and uncomfortable to sit on my front veranda…there’s talk in town that they are putting housing up for the solar farm workers…I pray they have gotten the wrong information…as far as I know, when the land sold it was sold as grazing land, with only one residence permitted for building…there’s nearly always gossiping going on in the village…only takes one to start rumours and upset the entire village…Time will tell I suppose…

I hope everyone has a good day today…..thinking of you all will love and care…

Hugs everyone….🤗,

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy…🩷

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

I did just reply to your post on mine, but I wanted to reply here too.

I am glad to hear you are getting away to spend time with your boys & their families.  I think it will do you a world of good to have that time with them all.

Lass I'm not surprised you are struggling as you have had so much to deal with.  I don't think you give yourself enough credit for how hard you try not to listen to beasty.  Lass you have been in awful physical pain for such a long time now, with your surgery being put off.  On top of that you lost a dear friend you used to work with & you lost you darling Ebony.  Any one of these things alone would be hard to deal with, you are trying to deal with them all, plus all the day to day ups & downs.  

Remember lass you are important to so many people, here & in r/l.

Giving you the gentlest of hugs

Paws

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Grandy,

I’m glad things are easing a bit for you in relation to dear Ebony, but I know it is still very hard. It will be really nice to have a break and be with your family members who can give you some support and companionship. It’s lovely your grandson has a second baby on the way. I have found a break away can be a circuit breaker and that I’m usually feeling better afterwards, so I really hope it helps and gives you some good feelings.

I do understand about the counsellor. The first one I ever saw I paid a lot of money to over time and she actually did a lot of damage. I feel like there needs to be better regulation somehow to protect people who are already very vulnerable. My current psychologist has restored my faith in therapists but it has taken a lot to keep trying to find the right person. I wish all therapists were motivated by compassion for others and also that they’re very self aware at an interpersonal level. The person you spoke with did not sound very wise or insightful. I hope by having a break away you can put that experience behind you and feel the love of your beautiful family.

I do hope you do not get too much construction and noise opposite your home. I know what you mean about gossip and rumours. I have found my small town is very gossipy. Perhaps someone from the local real estate may be able to say what is happening with the land?

Have a lovely break with family Grandy 🥰 Take good care and sending you a warm hug 🤗 

[demonblaster]

Hey dearest Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and lovely friends 😊

How beautiful the dear furs becoming closer. They too I’d think would know things have changed and be feeling it. Finding some peace in each others company is really lovely. 
Grandy good on you accepting darlin it’s never easy.
Nothing will ever take away the beautiful love and memories you’ll always have of our dear Ebony 💗 

Yes the bed would have been a very hard reminder. Well done hun 🤗

Aghh you dear love as our Pawsy said so well which she does you certainly have been going through so much lately it’s no wonder you’re feeling as you do sweety.
My heart goes out to you. 
Life can be really tough at times. It’s frightening isn’t it how low and dark it can get.

I know beasty’s in your head and it’s incredibly hard work but keep in mind sweet friend you’ll be looking back on this and knowing again you’ve gotten through.

Hold on Grandy. We’re holding you too lovely lady 🙂🤝 these are our hands holding yours.

Im so sorry for the pain you’re going through darling 💗🤗

That sounds lovely going to the sons for time away. A change of scenery the grandies and a complete break can do wonders. It’s kinda like a mind clean. 
Be nice having live around you and company. 
And the dear furs will be looked after. 

Yes we’re in the hardest place in life being in pain it strips our defence making us vulnerable. So so easy for mutts to add to our stress. Yes some people shouldn’t be in the job they’re in. Shaking head. 
I agree with Eagles lovely post too 😊 it can take a while but there are good genuine caring people out there doing it for the right reasons hun. Give it time Grandy love 🙂

Wow there’s so much going on in your neck and of the woods aye. I hope they eventually put stock back on the land too. I know you love that. They’re pretty cool to watch just getting on doing there thing. 
I like the harmony with cows, haven’t really seen much other.

Grandy something we’ve done over the yrs to try to balance out the negatives is thinking on positives. I was thinking of a few this morning including our lovely friends here, looking forward to your trip away. 
Games on the internet. 
Our fantasy mind escapes.
The beauty of nature. 
The stars water land. Pretty glorious aren’t they. 

Really care and love you darlin. PuAbok. yAimh and thoughts 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🦋🕊️🌸

[mmMekitty]

Hello Grandy (& everyone)

I'e come by BB today, to dip my toe in, I guess, to let you all know I'm fine. 

I'm very sad to read of the passing your dear Ebony, & angered by how the so-called greif counsellor treated you. You love your furbabies so much & so well, Grandy, I'm not at all surprised at how deeply you greive the loss of Ebony.

I'm sure, you do have many happy memories of her, playing, running about, maybe getting over-excited when you came into the room or offer treats.... lots of memories, I'm sure. Each of these is a treasure for you to keep.

I have thought of the idea that anyone, pet or person, lost to us is not ever really lost so long as they are remembered.

Hugzies, warm as you will permit,

mmMekitty