Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, mmMeKitty, Croix, Tony, Paws and everyone….🤗

Tony, your poem went straight to my heart and soul, you made me feel protected and cared for….a new feeling for me, feeling protected….so many emotions took a hold of me…We hear many times, that words can hurt, words are mightier then the sword…but words can also heal our soul, make us feel loved, cared for and protected, like we matter to someone…

So many people here on my thread and over the entire Beyond Blue Site are doing just that…making people feel like they matter, caring for people they have never met in person….just goes to show us all..that you don’t need meet or be blood related to be considered a part of a family…I have considered everyone on my thread as a part of my family….Beyond Blue is a big, huge part of my life, I can honestly say..without Beyond Blue and its wonderful members, like you Tony, Deebi, Croix, mmMeKitty, Paws, Quirky and so many others….I should name, but you all know who I mean….I would not be alive today😁….You all gave and give me a reason, you have all helped me so much, to grow and to accept myself the way I am…to even like myself at times…

The past 7 months, I’ve been suicidal at times…knowing that tomorrow and the next day I’ll once again be trying to manage the daily pain of just existing…unable to do the simplest of chores and daily hygiene…You all got me through that….I will always be so grateful for all the care, love and support you have given me..

The last lot of injections I had seem to be working well, I can do anything I want to do with just the tiniest bit of pain…Who would think, that just cutting my toes nails, would cause me to jump up and down with happiness…being able to reach up to turn the light switch on or off, without using the other arm to slowly inch my arm high enough to do it….washing my hair properly and feeling clean after a shower brought tears to my eyes…Through that period of time, I have learnt that little achievements can feel like you have moved a mountain…

I really do hope, that your days are full of light and you are all doing well…

Sending my love, care and hugs to everyone.❤️🦋🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..🤗🤗.

[mmMekitty]

Hello dear Grandy

Thank you so much for all of your kind thoughts & wishes & for including me in your family ... makes me feel I matter, which is something I've rarely felt before.

Here on BB, I've found you to be a shining light yourself, with all the generous caring & your warm welcoming words to new members.

You've displayed a huge amount of strength & determination, yes, even when it was difficult to go on, you did. I have felt so proud of you for all you have achieved.

Thinking of you, I find I can push myself further. I think, if Grandy can keep going then I certainly can be doing more with what I have. What I don't hav doesn't matter so much alongside what I do.

Here, I know I have people who wish me well, people who will encourage me & support me whenever I need.

You, Grandy, & everyone here is a valuable & unique person, each deserving of all the care & consideration we can give.

Because I still find it difficult to give to myself everything I need, it's wonderful to have a place like BB, where I can experience the care & understanding from others [ & I just might get used to it enough to do the same for myself without feeling embarrassment or shame. ... nor even to feel such gratitude that it makes one cry, eh? It's quite alright to cry for how warm & cared for you feel; it's not something to hide.

I feel honoured to know you, & everyone I've met here on BB. People open up, allowing us to peer in & comment - that's a truly valuable gift to recieve.

Thank you, Grandy, & everyone (yes, so very many one could mention, but I wouldn't want to leave anyone out, so ... thanks to all BB members).

Huge Hugzies to go around everyone!

mmMekitty

[white knight]

Hi Grandy,

I've changed my role myself on this forum over the last 2 years or so. I'm sorry I havent kept up to date with your struggles, I have tended to attend to the relationship, Suicidal thoughts and other threads that seem to keep me busy.

Since I first replied to your very first post I had a sense that you had been dealt a poor number of cards in your life. Furthermore I would not have believed you would achieve the honour of Community Champion and I held my breath in the following months when you said comments that were leading to how you were struggling with the role. A year or two later I had answered a post from a lady that had some trauma with her young child and I was out of my depth, then along you came and took her under your wing. Wow!!

Believe it or not that released me and some other champs from some similar posts so that we could focus on threads that we were more suited to answering. And that just explains the value of you in the system. 

Members like MeeKitty, Paw Prints, Demonblaster and many others that havent taken up the Community Champion role are equally as important, we are all equally important and that is so special in this environment.

I'm so happy you are feeling better. 

TonyWK

[demonblaster]

Hey beautiful Grandy 🤗👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and all you lovely people 😊🖐

Darlin it’s SO good hearing most of your pain is manageable atm. Wow it must be such a relief and to be doing things that were so incredibly hard. You poor darling struggling with a light switch. Ohh you’ve been going and still are really eh through so much. 
I know you know but a gentle caring reminder is please go easy on your arms lovey so you’ll get hopefully a long time relief until the ops. 

It’s very sad knowing you’ve been so close to the edge and often.
Your incredible Grandy. That really takes tremendous strength to stay when the minds screaming to go. So SO glad you waited 💜

Youre loved and so appreciated Grandy our precious soul. 💫

Same sweetheart I hope there’s some serious light in your life now especially that there’s less restrictions and pain.

Alwats thoughts and strong love darlin 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🤗🌈🍫👀💭 

[Croix]

Dear Grandy~

I can sense the delight and relief you have in being able to do those simple things - like washing your hair - that have been denied from you for far too long.

Tony is right, life has not been kind to you , but mmMekitty is right too, that the way you have hung on and persevered has been a shining example and does give is the same thought - if Grandy can do it I can. Your frankness does let us understand how great your achievements are

Your socks will be pleased too - no more long toenails poking holes in them:)

You're a pretty wonderful person 💐

Croix

[demonblaster]

Hey Mrs Gorgeous 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and other lovelies 😀

No need to reply hun until you’re up to seriously Sally. Just popping in to show you that I do check on you and show you my eyes 👀. 

I sincerely hope sweetyheart that your shoulders & legs are still holding up.
I know I’m a nag but howzabout we just let me fulfill my bbff status and say PLEASE darlin do stuff yes but gradual and not too much effort. 
It’d be really bad news if it flares again as you well know. Ok Aunty Deebi dusting hands off and signing out.
Actually I might use our you beaut improved vroom 🛼 oh no it’s in the other garage on level 674, I’ll just have to do a bit of a workout with these. Not too bad cause I need to get my skates on in case you want to chase me out and pop me in the nag bag 😂

So lovey I’m dearly hoping your mh and physicals holding up as a result of the Cortizne. So glad you have the work outs.
If I have it right you were going to your first welfare meeting? It’s exciting knowing you’re moving on and being assertive and looking after yourself. You’ve been proactive which is the key to unleashing beasties hold on us. 
I’ve always been impressed with that and blown away at how far you’ve come. 
Totally true what our amazing friends are saying, hi peeps 😀 that honestly you really are an inspiration. 

Grandz before I choof such good news we have the 1st place we saw for accommodation were rapt beyond. Slowly allowing for physical ouches we’re getting sorted & major bonus it’s in the same area boomer.

If thoughts were texts or calls you’d be needing the 🛼. 
Really do love and care so deeply. PubAok Grandy love.

The majority of my thoughts are about people past & present which includes many amazeballs here. Take care (tc) and tell beasty who’s boss.
Our life, our choice how we want to feel 🤗 hugs or 😊 or both 🍫

[Ggrand]

Hello, mmMeKitty, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Tony, Croix, Paws and everyone….🤗🤗🤗🤗.

I am sorry I’ve been slack in replying to your posts…I am not used to getting compliments and don’t know how to reply…I wanted to let you all know, I do appreciate them and you all…so much and want to thank you..🤗..

Tony, I am your shadow (so to say) on these forums…You are still helping me along with so many community members with you caring posts and new threads…Same with you Croix…I follow you both around and read your posts to others, which also helps me…

Deebi, I’m so happy for you, that you got a place you really like and in the same area which again you really like so much…You’re so right bbff..I went to my first conference meeting it was a bit over my intelligence and was more like a little mouse hiding in the corner😂..but I’m also amazed at the great work they do helping so many people in need…maybe in time I’ll pick things up and understand more…You are also on in my thoughts daily with a lot of love…my first ever bbff…💙👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌈💦🎀🚂..

MmMeKitty, I know it’s hard to care for ourselves and give us what we need….but you/me/everyone has to try hard to do it, because no one else will…Today the sun is warm, so I sat outside for a few hours today….instead of doing my housework….because maybe tomorrow the sun will be hiding again…and also my housework will still be waiting for me tomorrow…I chose the thing that I wanted to do to help me today and that was the sun😂..

My right shoulder is still giving me some pain…especially at night..so I’m back on pain relief again….but I can live okay with it….at 67 I’m the youngest one on my days…and it’s just to hard for me to watch the other girls struggling with heavy bags, trolleys etc…I do pitch in and help but am very aware of my limitations now….because, I can’t and wont go through that amount of pain again…Good news is that management has promised to either make the ramp I want or move the blue bin into an easier place to empty…but I’m not holding my breath for that to happen…..I’m Holding off and praying that my surgery isn’t years away….The surgeon has to fly in from Sydney, so I’m thinking unless he has got enough patients on that day, that he will wait until he does….

I hope everyone had a good day today…my kind thoughts and hugs to you all..💕🌈🦋🍀🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy…

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy DB & everyone

I have been thinking:

Someone had once said to me, when someone compliments you, all you need to say is 'thank you'. Simply acknowledge it - receive the compliment for what it is, which is someone's appreciation.

When we respond with, "oh no, I'm not ..." or "you don't mean that", "That's not true..." or "Get away with you!" it's a rejection, a refusal to accept the gift of the compliment, a refusal to consider we might actually be deserving of the compliment. It's sort of rude, too. If you brush off a compliment, maybe because you feel embarrassed, & like you don't deserve it, what does your response say to the people offering the compliment? 

& then I was thinking, like LRC:

With roller skates I can go zoomies even faster! Wheeeee!

& me again:

Great news about the moving being better than you thought, DB.

Taking time outdoors when the weather is fine, is a fine way to care for yourself, Grandy.

Yesterday, my support worker & I were out in a park - maybe not the park I was hoping because after walking all around it we did not find the exercise equipment I was hoping to find. However, there were lots of chirping birds. My helper said she saw a couple of galahs. I don't know the rest. It was lovely, listening to them all around in the very tall trees. I got some exercise walking, at one point we crossed a field, & half way across, my helper wondered if we were allowed to be walking over the field. Then aa few minutes later she noticed a sign telling people to keep off tee field. By then we were just twenty or so paces to the edge. The sign ought to have been on the other side - at least for us... 

I'm hoping that pain doesn't return, that you won't have to wait months & months, especially now they know how bad your condition can be.

Hugzies to you all, furry friends too.

mmMekitty

[Croix]

Dear mmMekitty

You are a realy realy nice puddy tat and skate marvelously:)

-C

[mmMekitty]

Thank you, Croix. [LRC purrs & offers a sardine to the walrus]

Once I get going, skating near the speed of sound it's so hard to stop.... if I run into a wall, I might just make a hole in it & keep going ... or flatten people ....does anyone know how to stop while skating at such exhilarating speeds?

At least I don't go faster than sound - not even I like sonic booming, just the wind in my hair.

Purring,

LRC (with mmMekitty typing)