Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Deebi, mmMeKitty and everyone…..🤗

Im so pleased you arrived safely at your brothers place….I know how much love you have for him and his family….I hope you have the most amazing time ever..💕…please say hello to your brother and his family and give my love to your brother….Sending you precious friend my heartfelt love and care…💙🦋🍀🤗….Don’t forget to take heaps of pictures for happy memories….

Yes Deebi, I’m doing okay now…enjoying sitting out back under my veranda in the afternoons…A family moved back in around the corner, the lady has 3 boys..they caused a lot of trouble before when they were living here, now the boys are bigger and they do scare me…so now I’m hiding out the back….I know I shouldn’t change my routine but these boys are into drugs, alcohol, loud bikes and cars etc…better to stay unseen and unheard and feel a bit safer….It’s sad they moved back…it’s destroyed the peacefulness of my part of the village….

I’m really sorry mmMeKitty for what you and your family went through in 1974….and that you’re feeling very emotional…hugs sweet Kitty…..If you need to talk, we are all here for you….

Please do contact them Deebi, they are beautiful and helpful people at BB…they are only to willing to help you sort everything out for you….

Sending everyone my love, care, hugs and kind thoughts…♥️🦋🤗🌟☁️…

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[mmMekitty]

Thank you, Grandy. I'll be okay. I haven't been clued to the tele or anything like that because I am well-aware that the things shown on th news can be upsetting. Then I get more upset wondering what I can do to help.

I've emailed about the character count being inaccurate, & have been advised they are working on it... that was a couple months go... maybe another email to letthem know the problem still exists, would be a good idea.

Hoping you, DB, have a great time at your brother's.

I get it, Gramdy, about sitting out the back, keeping low, & hoping the boys don't notice you. I feel like that here, in my flat, concerning some of my neighbours. I resent feeling I have to change what i want to do, because I feel intimidated & needing to feel safer, at the cost of my freedom to be outside my own flat, front or back. Or closing up my place, rather than opening windows, or the wooden door (not the security doors) or back glass sliding door, to enjoy the breeze, & then having their noise intrude more.

It's an unfair compromise of our own rights - & I don't like it.

Being safe is so important. I'd love to figure out what to do.

We do what we can, towards what we need.

Hugzies for anyone & everyone.

mmMekitty

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear mmMeKitty, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and Everyone…..🤗..

Good girl, not watching the tv, news etc…the one thing I don’t do is watch or listen to the news….Some people in r/l have said that I should always watch the news so I’m up to date with world affairs….I know I know nothing much about what’s going on in the world…a long time ago I decided that even though I’m truely upset about things happening…for my mental health I don’t need to know…I have my own little world to get through each day….at times that’s incredibly hard….

These boys are in the care of their grandmother….Their father ended his own life 5 years ago….I knew him well and it shook our little town right up….then they left this village for about 3 years and are now back….and are now completely uncontrollable…They live around the corner and 3 houses down from mine😢…very close.

The scary man, came in both Monday and Tuesday buying lots of dresses and even bought himself a jacket..he said he is going on a trip for a while…I couldn’t be more happy about that😁….

Looks like, so I’m told that I have a party going on in my hip/leg and back….Bursitis is the toastmast, followed by Sciatica nerve pain caused by a herniated lower back disc…then to close of the guest list Osteoarthritis has gate crashed both hip and spine….A party that’s going to last for probably the rest of my life….pain relief, exercise, massaging and physiotherapy are the the ones that are going to try to police these party guests….and try to keep them under control….Dr told me to sleep with a pillow between my legs at night to keep my back in alignment as much as possible….Does she even know how hard that is…I mean I can’t turn around and when I tried too, bed sheets went everywhere and my fur babies though I was playing with them….Umm I’ll not be doing that again😂😂😂😂..

Beautiful day today…I realised that I can see part of a mountain when I sit out back, as well as a huge peppercorn tree in the back of my neighbours empty house…not as good as the front but it’s still okay…

Sending lots of hugs, my care and love everyone….♥️🦋🤗.

I hope your enjoying your time with your beautiful brother Deebi….much love to you my bbff💙🌜👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩🌛..🤗🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[Croix]

Dear Grandy and DB (with a wave to the LRK)~

you two certainly missed a golden opportunity, I was off sick for a week or so and came back (with the  exception of the inebriated kiwis) to find iceberg and igloo in perfect order. Makes my worry the pair of you  were under the weather too.

I"ve had snow this time of year very occasionaly, but hten acgain have needed a fire some Chrsitmas Days too. Unpredictable.

I'm glad you are both OK, Grandy, I can empathize with your 'party', I've something similar that certainly limits my movements,  will that bridge being out make much difference to you?

How are you getting on DB? Are you in as much pain at the moment?  It's amazing, no matter what you two have to put up with .you never seem to lose your sense of humor.

As this is an occasion (I'm back on board) there are pizza slices for all 🍕🍕🍕 (a special dispensation to use icons:)

Croix

[mmMekitty]

Hi Grandy & all

My bursitis, in my shoulder has become better, since doing lots more stretching exercises as the physio said to do. It's not wonderful yet. I'm still hopeful I will reach back & up to wash my back better again. I am very mindful to push it a little, but judge when to stop, when the shoulder feels like it is reaching a barrier too thick & tough to move through. That's when to ease up. Keep moving, she said, don't give in to thinking it needs rest, because that's when it could seize up & become a frozen shoulder. She's been spot on about that.

The arthritis, on the other hand, has been bothersome of late, with odd feelings like a joint in one finger, & now both thumbs, will slip & become detached & clicks softly, when bending the knuckles. It feels weird.

I wonder if it the cause is that I'm using my dumbbells?

I like my dumbbells.

Sometimes my hips play up & I've tried to sleep with a pillow between my legs, too, but it feels too uncomfortable. I don't stay in the same postition all night either. I understand the difficulty managing bedding when you've got to adjust & readjust. & those adorable furbabies won't stay settled while you aren't.

I'm sure Mekitty would get cranky, when I was restless. she'd go & find somewhere else to sleep if I moved about too much. I didn't want to, because her presence next to me or at my feet, often between them, was so comforting, loving & warm.

Pain killers can help some, but I'm not sure how much if my own arthritis was to get worse over the next decade or two.

I hope the exercise I'm doing will help that, too. Not sure yet, if it is. I'm only sure if I lose a fair amount of weight, that will be weight my body won't have to carry.

Thanks, you just reminded me, DB is time away with her brother - (argh) I'd forgotten. I thought it was the difficulty using this site that was keeping DB away. 

Hugzies, everyone.

mmMekitty

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy, wave to Croix, mmMekitty,

Owww I don't like the guest list for your party... no wonder you have been struggling with the pain... I really hope the physio etc helps a lot... I am amazed at how much you still manage to do with all that going on.

Yep I'm with you... it is impossible to get through the night with a pillow between your legs... do the people who do manage to do it not move an single inch once in bed... I gave up on it too, having tried it on dr's advice... 

I was thinking about you now avoiding your front verandah... could you possibly use it very early in the morning... I would think the lads would not be early risers... I don't like to think of you missing out on watching your favourite gum tree & all the wildlife that live about it... I know how much I miss the wildlife that used to use the dam now it has been filled in.

How are you finding working Saturdays... do you think you will keep it up or are you finding it a bit much?.. 

Huggily hugs

Paws 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Croix, mmMeKitty, Paws, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone…🤗..

Dear Croix….No I didn’t miss a golden opportunity…I used your peaceful iceberg many times to just sit on your iceberg while it floated gently bobbing along with the gentle rhythm of the vast openness of the ocean….You have a peaceful home away from society…3 seagulls made a daily visit, bringing me some goodies they managed to scavenge or steal from the many beach goers or from the passengers holidaying on big ocean liners…I needed a break from life and found a bit of that ontop of your iceberg..

Paws, I am finding that one extra day to be both mentally and physically so hard…the customers on Saturday are all strangers, I notice that a lot more men are coming in on Saturday shopping for clothes for themselves….(Through the week it’s mostly all women)…I am not comfortable at all around men…I wish I didn’t, but I did commit myself to a 3 month trial…that,  I will see through, then if someone else changes their mind and want to volunteer for Saturdays I will stand down…Physical pain, I’m no stranger too and can handle that most times…the mental pain of being super on guard and super vigilant around these new different customers is very exhausting….

mmMeKitty, Ahh that clicking noise, I have that in my arthritic jaw…it feels horrible and I’m sure anyone sitting next to me when I have lunch at work can here it😁….my back doesn’t click but will catch some kind of an electric current and send it down my leg at times especially when I move/twist the wrong way….which stops me in my tracks and the difficulty in walking or moving properly for the next few days is something I’m going to have to work through….The big blue Vinnies donation bins are the worse…to get the donations out I’m needing to bend my back once inside to collect the overly heavy bags…

I do hope Deebi, is having a beautiful time with her brother, sister-in-law, nieces and nephews ….💙🦋🕊🤗….so much I’m looking forward to hearing about her little holiday and knowing that my bbff is both physically and mentally well….hard not knowing.

Awe I feel a little special Croix….pizza 🍕🍕🍕 icons….and they do look quite good…makes one think of pizza…My favourite pizza is supreme…with a few anchovies thrown on top…

Sending my kind thoughts, care, love and hugs to everyone 🦋🕊💕🤗.

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[quirkywords]

Grandy

 Changing one’s routine is hard. You have to deal with strangers. I mainly sort out the back and only enter in shop to put things on shelves. Do you have someone else who volunteers with you. .?

we don’t have big bins people just unload the their cars and leave huge bags and boxes.

Do you get help in how to look after your back.?
Take care

[demonblaster]

Hi beautiful Grandy 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 Croix Passy Kitty and y/our lovely friends 😊

h Grandy the time just goes doesn’t it. Geez sorry it’s been so long. I assure you you’re in my mind constantly. 

Ugh doesn’t sound good atm for you on the Saturdays lovey. I’m hopeful that’ll change when you get more familiar with the goings on. 
Wouldn’t be good for you feeling stressed being there. 
Grandy remember not to accept first thoughts hun as truth only. I’m learning we need to allow other thoughts through and to hear to the quiet ones that help us see reason. 
Good on you doing it and standing by your word. 

Darl how’s your gorgeous new Pup going now. No doubt hard work but beautiful. 

And you dear friend how’s it overall going for you? 

I love you went there with Betty and had lunch. Your anxiety got the better of you it’s pretty heavy going eh but you did a lot that day. 

Grandy we had such a lovely time with brother/sil no sweetly not nephews etc. I’ll tell you more at mine soonish. 
Have an MRI tomorrow about an hr away from here, so much better than a 4 hr big day trip. 

Really really deeply love you sweet Grandy 🤗 Please please ub Aok. You’re absolute magic. 👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩💜🧚‍♀️👀🙋‍♀️🌈💫🍓🍫

Croixy hope you’re well and haven’t looked too much around the iceberg yet. Always lovely you saying hi to me as well here thanks good man. 

Hoping you’re all going well 🌞 and taking good care of yourselves. 

pretty tired. See you again dear Grandy love. YAdimh.

Eco wishing you the very best too hun. Hope you see this 🤗 

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Quirky, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩 and everyone…🤗..

Quirky I much prefer working out back and sorting through the donations…My friend Betty* does Saturday with me…I think she volunteered because I did and it makes me feel a little guilty about that….Quite a few years ago, one of the workers opened the blue bin to find a person sleeping inside of it….so they took the bins away, donations were left outside the door then and people would go through them and make a huge mess, the council wasn’t at all happy about that so the bins are being used again now….I try to care for my back, but getting into the bins then transferring the donations into a big trolly crate, then wheeling them up the ramp into the shop is very heavy both on my back, shoulders and arms…Betty does it with me but she is over 80yrs old and I can see she is getting frail…but if I told her that….she would just brush it aside….so I’m doing most of the heavy lifting, pushing and pulling the trolly….To be honest…it causes me pain each time I do it, we really need a male to help out in the morning to help with the bin and trolly cage..

Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, It’s lovely to hear your home safe and you had a great time with your brother and sister in law……How did your MRI go honey?….only if you want to share…no pressure…eternal love with my care and lots of hugs..💕💙💕🕊 💭…🤗

Peppa is such a sweet dog…looks after the place while I’m not here…she has fitted in so beautifully with my other two fur girls…the 3 of them are always together….

Hope everyone is okay and enjoying each days as it comes…

Sending my love, care and hugs to you all….♥️🦋🤗..

Grandy..