Alone..Depressed..Sad..

[Ggrand]

Hi..I'm new here..just need to put my feeling down..no one to talk to makes depression and anxiety so hard...the last 4 days I have either been in bed crying or on the lounge crying..I can't seem to get out of this...I am becoming a prisioner in my own home as its getting progressively difficult to go out.. I have to go out Tuesdays so I do everthing on that day but it's like I'm holding my breathe all day until I get back to the safety of my home then I can let go and that starts the cycle again of spending the next 6 days at home either in bed or on the lounge sad and depressed...I really feel like just giving up.. My husband passed away 4 years on This coming Thursday. My children live 6 hours drive away and have small children so I don't see them that much.Bad mum and grandmum I am on there last visit i was pleased to see them but I just wanted them to go home. I feel so aweful and numb atm..

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Shelly...

Thank you for calling you..I appreciate it so much...

I needed to ring the mental health help line last week because I was in a bad way after I saw and heard something in town..that really hit me hard...and I was having really unhealthy thoughts about me....and feeling down on myself.....so I rang them to talk to a person...... I couldn’t talk without crying..I was so emotional...I couldn’t take myself to work or do shopping...for a couple of weeks...I just wanted to stay home and away from people...I still do, until my emotions settle down,,,,That phone call was then relayed to my Dr..who made an appointment with mental health.... which got to my Psychiatrist....who spoke to my counsellor, who probably told him that I was having si thoughts......it goes on and on....Now that I am isolating myself in their eyes....I am heading for another breakdown.....

I will be honest... I am struggling with my mh...but not to the extent they think I am....So what if I cant go to work or don’t want to be around people...Isn’t that up to me?...

Shelly...no not angry..Just so sad that they don’t believe that I can get through this on my own....I know they are looking out for me..but not hospital again...and this one is over 150 kilometres away....My Psychiatrist from Sydney runs this mh centre and the other one I stayed at.....I don’t do good being away from home...especially when I won’t have my car...I will feel trapped..

Grandy..

[Paw Prints]

Hello Grandy,

Oh lass... here is a big squishy gentle hug

I know the thought of leaving your safe space (home) & being in hospital with strangers is scary... it can feel unfair them saying you must go... but lass I do think it would be best... you have been battling so hard of late... "emotional storm in my head, that I can’t find my way out of."

You give so much of yourself to help others... lass let them help you find a way out of the storm... you have such a beautiful generous soul you deserve to have people bending over backwards to assist you... that it is a specialist trauma/dv unit is good to know... hopefully it will mean that because you already have a dv counseller they may be able to let you go home earlier than would be otherwise because she can continue what treatments they start.

I'm sure that my agreeing with the Drs isn't what you wanted to hear... but lass I care about you as a friend...

Hugs

Paws

[Hanna3]

Hi Grandy, so sorry to hear you are going through this - you've hit a rough patch dear lady but you will get through and out the other side! Maybe let these people help you .... I understand it's all scary... but perhaps with a bit of support you'll be home again and feeling much better... it sounds hard dealing with this alone... I'm hoping things go OK for you next week, will pop by and see if you are here on BB and how you are going..

Remember this is just a bump in the road and you'll be back feeling better in a while... be kind to yourself and look at all the friends you have here on BB who care about you...

Sending the softest, cuddliest snuggles from little Sam to you dear lady oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxooxoxo

[Hanna3]

I wish I could have you sit there while I play some lovely harp music for you Grandy - it's so soothing and beautiful and peaceful.. I've just been playing and little Sam has fallen fast asleep...

Can you play some soothing harp music on Utube for yourself? When I play here I hope the sound will waft over the breeze to your direction anyway! hugs.

[demonblaster]

Our beautiful Grandy 🤗👩‍❤️‍👩💜

Ahh darlin lady how I'd dearly love to wrap you in my arms and hug you till you feel safe and secure.
So until maybe god god I wish we could be in rl lovely i'm sending a warm loving virtual one precious soul 🤗

Darl thank you for your honest really appreciate about si 😢
Knowing where you're at poor lady. It's bloody terrible isn't it.

Grandy seriously I couldnt handle you leaving us/me. Please darlin don't entertain the thought.
I know hard and low we can get. It seems like theres no other way but you know hun there is.

We have to dig deep and not let go. If possible try to turn the pains energy into getting back up.
You can I know you can you've been here before and pulled through.

You're on my mind 24/7 especially atm.
Love you so much in case I haven't said lately 🙂

You know you'll never be alone here you have a lot of friends dear girl lean on us sweetyheart we're not going anywhere 🤝

Grandy I'm so glad you feel you can get through this alone.
I believe you. You no doubt could and I do understand why you're upset.with mh truthfully beautiful friend.
Tbh tho I'd be pretty piffed if they didn't look after you.

A good indication that you're doing it hard is you missing work. We know you like it and gets you out of the house.

Dear love I so hope you sleep peacefully tonight.

See you tomorrow beautiful.
Please be safe 🕊🤝👀🤝⚘👩‍❤️‍👩💜😚🐍

[Tess2]

Dear Grandy,

i am so sorry that you feel so low and also so concerned about a hospitalisation. I completely understand. It is awful that you have to go so far away too. But your safety and well being are important.

You give so much here to others and have supported me when I need it. Hopefully it will just be a short stay and assessment.

My thoughts are with you and I will be posting you support

dear Grandy. I wish I could help you more

err yuk mice! I hope they don’t come over here

tess

[demonblaster]

Hey gorgeous Grandy 👩‍❤️‍👩💜🤗

Just popping the kettle on and we can have a beeeutiful hot choccy an 🍨 as much choccy 🍫🍰 as we like, fish and chips I like soggy thick chips made on the right potatoe hardly any do these days they taste like flour 🥀 but hey a greasy chips a chip and all this calorie free of course.

Grandz I hope you're managing at least some decent patches of at least some quality sleep.

I think of something from a previous post of yours and mean to reply but have fotgotten again it was something you did really well. I know you're gracious knowing I read I need to habit taking notes like you said once you do.

Anyhoo dear love about your nightmares. Oh Grandy how awful to go through. I have a theory or two no clue if I'm right if anytime you'd like to hear them otherwise I'll stand by you but leave it to you..

Seriously the 💩 you go through. If only you saw in yourself what we see. An incredibly kind caring loving soul with a heart of Gold who's so brave determined and courageous that just keeps on trying and gets back up each time life takes you down. My dear sss besty you're an inspiration to so many hun me included.

As you are for us we're with you every step of the way forward 🌱 new beginnings champion.

We believe in you sweetyheart. You got this!

🤜💣😈💣🤛and there's an extra for IT's dessert!

I don't think there's anything worthwhile stronger than the power of love ⚘ fill your mind with the people that matter beautiful that'll choof beasty away. IT's weak your stronger.

Always 🗯

Always strong 💜 love

Always unbreakable bond ☄

The 🌞 WILL shine again. PubAok Grandy i/we need you 😚

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🍫🕊🌱

[Ggrand]

Hello Paws, Hanna, Deebi👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩, Tess....🤗..

Thank you all for your caring and helpful words..I have began writing a post a few times but my brain wasn’t connecting words properly...

A nurse from the hospital has rang me a few times for the welfare checks..she seems very nice....

Deebi....I am not about to listen on my thoughts...they are just that...thoughts...as I saiid on another thread...I will never understand why our brain, what’s to harm us....

I am doing okay, keeping busy sometimes, sometimes laying around in bed...I really don’t need other people around me...and having to interact with them to prove I’m okay.....I am to anxious around people.....I feel safe with me...

Please do tell me your theory on my nightmare...every little bit helps, when being annoyed by dreams....

Hanna, I have listened to some sleep harp music instead of the sleep stories I usually do..thank you for suggesting that...

Paws...you can’t fight mh if they say you’re going...well you’re going...if you don’t volunteer then it’s into an acute psych. ward...volunteering is the better option...but waiting for the phone call to say your bed is ready...is so stressful...

Tess..If it was the same hospital I was admitted to a few years back...I don’t think my anxiety would be as high as it it....Where I’m going is just so far away...

Im sitting in the sun writing this out..little Ebony has her head down, bottom up tail wagging like an electric fan and her little front paw scratching in between 2 branches of the crepe Myrtle.....Then a cute little mouse came running out of it and along my front garden...Poor Ebony is confused...she is just standing their looking at the branches now.....sniffing all around it....Mouse catchers..My fur babies are not...

I need to go now...just wanted to call in and thank you all for your beautiful friendships and support....your all amazing people....

Deep love bbff....Yes we can and we will 🤜 💣👿💣🤛.. 🕊💚🧸🤗🦄...24/7 💭 and scenarios on ODSD...

Love n hugs everyone 💜🤗..

👩‍❤️‍💋‍👩Grandy..

[demonblaster]

Hey my bbff 👩‍❤️‍👩 and all good people ☺

Always wondering how you're going darls 🤗

Love hearing the furs carry ons. So gorji they sound.
Btw our furs they want to come and play with your girls and cuddle you....Roight! They willingly go to you but oh no little needle biteys and wiggles for me. 🤔... wonder if a tbousand cuddles a days too much for them...nah couldn't possibly be.

Hannah hi hun as Grandy did I'll have a listen some time to the harp.
It's such a gentle sound of peace.

We've come so far Grandy 🤝
Hearing you say you're not going to listen to beasties rot is unbelievably good news.

We know how dam persistent IT (depression) is.
We also know by sticking with this to get through which we're starting to that we also have the same quality.
It's about using it for not against us by redirecting our thoughts.

As we all know the lower we go the desperation becomes unbearable.
The handful of times I've managed to dig deep and pull up strength has been by saying to my self " I've had enough"...I CAN rise from this". Just gave a crack of light which was enough to continue lifting.
Our strengths buried but still there.

About the dreams wow what an ordeal Grandy sheez.
I think nightmares are a subconscious stress release.
The unconcious mind cleaning out rubbish.

I'm not sure on this hun.
I'm guessing by hearing what you're going through at any times let alone lately you'd be extremely tired.

Could be similar to sleep paralysis where same the most horrific nightmares a poor person wakes sees it all continuing but can't move. How terrifying that'd be as are yours too. My heart goes out to you Grandz struth!

So assuming you're ok to move but the rest sounds similar.

I hope this...that possibly some of your demons are leaving your mind/body. Appearing on the outside rather than in your mind if there's any sense in that.
I believe anything pretty muchs possible.

We still have an age for full understanding of our minds. Not to say with thanks to the brilliance of scientists/researchers everyday peeps contributions We've come a long way with understanding.

Crikey Grandz I soI hope they're settling.

How's your physical health holding dear lady esp heart?

So my gorgeous I've summoned a few pixies to finish our packing and borrowed one of your Angels if ok lovey to keep them organised.

Couldn't not love you dear soul sis (sss) PubAok huns

👩‍❤️‍👩💜🗯🤝☄⚘🌞 swod = hope

[Moonstruck]

Oh Dear Grandy....sorry to hear you have to go through this....we are all with you somehow...try to hold onto us even though that feels impossible in the hospital....I have been feeling that's what will end up happening to me if I keep getting worse and unable to cope with everyday things.....

I feel safe at home too and don't always want anyone around to "help" me....it's a hard one and I feel helpless to know what to say to you except to send you my love and support, as you have always done for me....xxxxx