Adopted son of 37 years just contacted me..I'm so scared as what to do.

[Ggrand]

Hi I have another thread but unrelated to this.

37 years ago my husband and young son (2tears old). was living in our car for around 8 months.I was pregnant at the time. My parents disowned me when I eloped with my husband. My husbands parents were strange and we never told them we were living in the car.

I gave birth to my second son while we were living in the car. My hubby contacted his father and his Godmother who both talked us into putting our baby into foster care for a few months until we got organized, as we couldn't have a baby living in the car. After I got out of hospital my father in law told us to stay with him. Then a woman from child services came to see us and said it best to adopt our baby out.I didn't want to but I had to or we were back in the car living and would loose our baby and possibly our other young son . because father in law said it was the only way we could stay with them.

My adopted son found me and contacted me on Sunday I was to shocked to answer him back until today.contact has only been through facebook messenger. I told him i will ring him tonight around 8.30pm.

I have never told my 2 other sons about him. I don't know how to tell them.Will they hate me for doing this as I have hated myself and never forgiven myself over all these years.I have thought about him over the years especially on his birthdays. I am so very scared. Hubby died 4 years ago so I have to do this on my own.

Hubby and I decided we would never try to find him as we didn't want to upset his life..I am a complete mess as what to do..Please can someone help me.

[white knight]

Hi Ggrand

this dite is full of guilt and worry, low self esteem and sadness.

You know the facts, thst you cant turn back the clock. You also know that as a mother your first concern is your son and to work towards filling in the vacuum created over 37 years is your goal.

Youll have opportunities to explain. Focus on him.

It wasnt your fault.

Im so glad you rang him. He would have been over the moon.

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Hello White Knight.

I wish it was that easy.

I will run the clock forward and my life will be healed.

I'm sorry I shared my story.

i

[Quercus]

Hi Ggrand,

I don't have anything helpful to say about what to tell your son, it is painful for everyone involved especially if your sons will talk about their father whether you wish it or not.

But I do wonder if you have ever sought medical help given the abuse in your marriage? You mention not being able to feel happy, feeling pathetic, feeling ashamed, wanting to dissolve... I'm familiar with those feelings. I think anyone who has been abused knows those feelings intimately. For me I needed help (meds and ongoing psychotherapy) to even begin to feel better.

I can't imagine trying to cope with a shock like this on top of the aftermath of abuse. Please stay and talk with us GGrand. There are so many people here like yourself who are trying to reconcile the memories of person they loved with the abuse they experienced.

No judgement here. Do whatever is best for you. Please take care.

Nat

[white knight]

Hi Ggrand

Im sorry that I've said something thats upset you. We try all sorts of means to comfort. Sometimes we get it wrong.

I hope you are ok. I cant imagine what you are feeling. Not at all.

Tony WK

[Neil_1]

Hi Karen,

Just stopping in to see how you're doing?

We're all still here with you and want to support you through this.

We're not going anywhere.

I hope you can find some small piece of positiveness out of the recent contact you've had with your adopted son?

For instance, after the conversation, did you feel some kind of relief after the phone call?

Neil

[quirkywords]

Ggrand

How are you? Everyone on this thread cares and hopes you are ok.

I can't begin to understand how you feel. I know you are brave and have coped with abuse and managed to look after your children.

My partner is adopted and found his family when he was in his 50s. His mother had died many years before but he was thrilled to find he had two brothers. He does not know really know much about why he was adopted except his mum was married at the time and that my partner was the result of an affair.

I feel you are judging yourself so much more than your sons who love you very much. It means a lot to an adopted person to find out they have brothers or sisters.

I hope you get to meet your son.

Thanks for sharing your story which I realise was very difficult and painful to do.

Quirky

[Ggrand]

Hello

Thank you all for your concern.

I'm struggling to write anything atm..I have a 276 kilometre drive to try and manage tomorrow, plus speak to my sons. that with Flashbacks and my mind not being able to shut up. I'm really not in a good spot. I have read and reread all your replies and have really thought about what you said.

[Guest_128]

You poor thing,please try and get some sleep,that's the best medicine you can have.

I have a really good feeling about this,

please take care.

Just be YOU

Dory😘

[white knight]

Dear Ggrand

Youre doing ok. Everything is fine

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Oh my goodness.

I thought my anxiety couldn't get any worse.I was so wrong. 4.30am I've been awake all night.

Feeling so clammy, heart's running so fast, I'm not sure if i can do this.

If I had more guts and wasn't such a pathetically weak minded person 37 years ago, this wouldn't be happening now.

I feel at the moment a complete failure at being a mum and at life.

Anxiety is so intense atm I want to dissapear. I feel trapped.

My hubby used to tell me all the time how useless I am. A gutless wonder you don't know how to be a mum. You shouldn't have had children.

My mind is so full atm wish it would shut up for once.