Adopted son of 37 years just contacted me..I'm so scared as what to do.

[Ggrand]

Hi I have another thread but unrelated to this.

37 years ago my husband and young son (2tears old). was living in our car for around 8 months.I was pregnant at the time. My parents disowned me when I eloped with my husband. My husbands parents were strange and we never told them we were living in the car.

I gave birth to my second son while we were living in the car. My hubby contacted his father and his Godmother who both talked us into putting our baby into foster care for a few months until we got organized, as we couldn't have a baby living in the car. After I got out of hospital my father in law told us to stay with him. Then a woman from child services came to see us and said it best to adopt our baby out.I didn't want to but I had to or we were back in the car living and would loose our baby and possibly our other young son . because father in law said it was the only way we could stay with them.

My adopted son found me and contacted me on Sunday I was to shocked to answer him back until today.contact has only been through facebook messenger. I told him i will ring him tonight around 8.30pm.

I have never told my 2 other sons about him. I don't know how to tell them.Will they hate me for doing this as I have hated myself and never forgiven myself over all these years.I have thought about him over the years especially on his birthdays. I am so very scared. Hubby died 4 years ago so I have to do this on my own.

Hubby and I decided we would never try to find him as we didn't want to upset his life..I am a complete mess as what to do..Please can someone help me.

[Ggrand]

Hello, Elizabeth, Quirky,

They arrived around 7.30pm.

I held myself together until my youngest (b) put his arms around me then, I just broke down...

We talked a lot, I cried a lot,

GG.

[Elizabeth CP]

I'm glad you were able to talk & to cry. Bottling everything up is not helpful. How are you feeling now? I hope you can look back on last night as proof that your son loves you no matter what. He loves you because you brought him up loving him & doing your best in very difficult circumstances. Nothing can take that away.

[demonblaster]

Darling Grandy found it

Just putting on my threads, will read more hopefully today

[quirkywords]

GG

I am so glad you have visitors and ma glad you had a big cry.

I will be thinking of you all week.

Your family will know what a string and courageous woman you are and that why they want be with you when they can.

Quirky

[demonblaster]

Grandy hun.. read this page, will read rest in batches x

Glad you cried for release & talked a lot. Hope it went well. I think talking will help G
Agree they love you because of your love you give
This could be another lift... you're starting to pick up
time brings change

You're tough Grandy you're going to get through. You've got an army behind you lady cause you're worthy xx

(( much L&C ))

[Birdy77]

Dear Gg ❤

I just wanted to say how much i admire you, your strength and courage and everything you have done to get to this stage.

I have read every single entry on this thread it took me a while 😊.

The beautiful support you have had from Tony and from Quirky has touched my heart.

Your story is one of great courage and it is inspirational.

I know you are still well within your journey, i don't want to interrupt, but wanted to say i am in awe of you and these gorgeous friends you have drawn to you.

You deserve these friends.

❤❤🌻birdy

[white knight]

Hi Katen,

Well I'm proud of you

They wemt all that way to see you. Their xmas wasnt complete without you.

Can I ask what you spoke about or what topic. Eg your lifes struggles?. Dont andwer if stressed.

You got thru xmas. Well done.

Tony WK

[Ggrand]

Hello Everyone,

Thank you everyone for the kindness and care you have shown me.

My youngest son has always been a very gentle person. I know he was uncomfortable seeing me cry..he did only once before, that's when I made a promise to me that he would never see me like that again.I broke my promise to me, I am angry with me for that.

I have never doubted his love for me, I doubt me, If I loved him as a good mother would, Why didn't I take that chance and walk? A few people I have spoken to over the years in general, I've never spoken about my life except on here, have told me that if there husband ever hurt there children they would immediately leave,That's being a good mum. Me to weak to leave, not a good mum. No more here, hurts me to much. I'm sorry I cannot forget what I know I should have done, I can't forgive myself for that.

Tony, we talked about about my anxiety/depression, I told him about the effect it's having on me. The daily tears,staying in bed, staying at home,not going out,unable to talk to anyone, not eating, I never spoke about his dad...

I can't get rid of thinking about the injustice that was done to him and how I could have stopped it. I was watching the three of them playing, laughing having family time together in my backyard today the love, care and respect they have for each other is beautiful. I was watching and thinking, how did my son who had his horrid childhood grow up so loving and caring.

A lot of upset and hurt by triggers are happening, trying so hard not let it drag me to far down. I hear hubby in my sons voice, in his walk and his looks. I see the life we had when I look at my son. It's really hard as I said before I love them so dearly but I'm needing time out, but I will won't let them know this, I'm holding me together the best I can until they leave,

I love all my sons dearly, My eldest has not even rang me since September, that hurts deeply. My son I adopted out sent me Christmas wishes that's encouraging to further our relationship.

Birdy, You have a lovely soul, thank you for doing that, and your kind words of support. Tony and Quirky have given me amazing support throughout and have stayed with me, even twice I read Tony's words wrong and have replied harshly to him, he still came back, He has a very special place in my heart, you all are amazing DB, (L&C). Elizabeth, quirky, deep in my heart thank you.

GG.

[quirkywords]

GG

People can say anything about what they would do in a certain situation, but it is totally differnet whne thye actually experience. You did your best at the time. I heard a woman being interviewed and she said before she experienced abuse she could not understand why a woman would not leave. Then it happened to her and she felt trapped and it was far more complex than she ever realised and she now understood it is not easy 'just to leave"

I can't say it enough you did what you could- no one else knew exactly what you were going through. Ignore those ignorant people who say "Oh I would have done this", how can they possibly know .

The fact your son can be so loving and caring is due to your love and care over the years. I know the past still haunts and affects you but focusing on the present will help.

I understand it is hard but I am proud you are see in joy in your son and his family and that you opened up to your son about the anxiety.

I thank you for being so honest and sharing your story.

Big hugs

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

Hi Karen, I've just read the thread re the frog & the scorpion which I think relates here. We are at a fancy dress ball. We all wear different costumes portraying who we want others to see us as. I imagine your ex appearing as the handsome prince sweeping you off your feet. suddenly you are married & the fancy dress comes off. You know recognise him as the scorpion. Whenever you try to escape the sting comes out. You are like all good mothers in the animal kingdom determined to do whatever it takes to protect you sons. You know the scorpions sting too well & you stay not because you are weak but because at the time that was the only way you could see to protect them from the scorpion. If you left would you have been able to keep your sons away from their dad. That I suspect is what kept you.

Next time you look at your son notice how he is the handsome prince, the real gentleman. He is not a scorpion dressed to look kike one as your ex was. He may look like your ex but those looks are just the fancy dress at the ball. Underneath he is the loving son, the real gentleman who learnt from you. He saw past the frightened exterior you may have portrayed & saw & still sees a loving mother who would do anything for her kids even in the most horrible circumstances