A Common Story?

[smallwolf]

I was reading a couple of the other introductions earlier and could see a lot of myself in their stories. I am the generally the one that helps everyone, the one that has all the answers, the one that puts on a brave face, when underneath it is all turning to crap.

My anxiety ... future telling, finding problems that don't exist and my mind goes over and over these again and again. I know these thoughts are irrational and emotive, and yet these thought don't leave my head. I know that I am loved by family, but I just don't feel it or don't deserve it. Yin and Yang... one part of my head thinks irrationally and the other (logical side) know that it should not be the case.

With my psychologist started a happy memories session yesterday. Going through it I ended in tears. As helpful as it was, it seemed like one of the few memories in my life that seems to get overtaken by every other problem in a sea of black and those happy memories fade away. (I work from home as a software developer and have always been logical, even if a glass half empty. There is little/no thanks in the work I do anymore.)

I am tired and despondent in feeling this way. I hope that I am not complaining too much. Just want to know that I am not alone.

[CMF]

Beautiful words Tim. Hope you are travelling ok with new meds.

CMF x

[demonblaster]

Wow .. powerful. Makes you feel secure.

[Ggrand]

Hello Tim,

Really a nice poem..it reminds me of the caring people here on Beyond Blue..

Thank you for sharing..and thank you for the fire 🔥 in a Forrest...very soothing.. Thank you for your continued support..🎍..

Hugs 🤗...

Grandy..

[Ggrand]

Hello Tim,

Im just popping in to see how your feeling and to gently remind you to take good care of yourself...oh I almost forgot...💐..a little bunch of Lavender to place on your bedside table...to help you sleep good tonight and that when you wake, tomorrow will be a better day for you then today was..

Hugs..🤗.

Grandy...xx

[smallwolf]

Hey All,

Just a quick note to let you all know I am still alive! The new meds are working mostly. Work thinks I am back full time, even though it is supposed to be a gradual transition. Putting up with that at the moment. I had repeatedly suggested going part time, but they manage to avoid that conversation. My interview for the job is tomorrow. Wish me luck. I worked yesterday and today, only because of all the emails that were sent to me. (They were going to give me 1 task at a time! *sigh*) It has been a little overwhelming, and I am still (sadly) hard on myself. My homework has not changed. But I had to force myself the find positives in things where there was also a negative. Two steps forward, one step back. Or the little engine that could.... I think I can, I think I can...

Hoping your day(s) were better than mine,

Tim

[smallwolf]

PS. Any and all negative thought are related to work. Even my psych is hopeful about the job. If I don't fixate on work then I otherwise OK. All about moving towards your values.

[PamelaR]

Yeah, good luck for you interview tomorrow Tim. Though I really think you won't need it 🙂

Baaaaa, sounds like your work has absolutely no idea about what's happening for you. Will be good if you can move on and past that mob. With you all the way. Go Tim, go.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[demonblaster]

Thanks checking in Wolfy, you've been in my thoughts.

Btw loved your fantasy at Mandys. Wow.

Best of luck with the job budz. I so hope it comes through so you can start having a better new life and shed the yuk parts.

Good news that the meds are working.

Geez that other job doesn't let up on you does it. Be so good when you can choof them.

Take really good care of yourself Mr Wolfy ☺ and keep remembering the positives and achievements 👍🖐

Care 🌴

🐧

[smallwolf]

Quick update. More for myself. Having treat at coffee shop. Iced coffee. Ssshhhh. It is a bit after 4pm.

Had job interview today. Think that went ok. Will find out next week about that. Fingers crossed

Sharing my homework for today...

3 things to look forward to... Interview, stress free day, midday service.

Positive for today...

Helping librarian with web browser problem. Useful, resourceful. Problem solver.

Think that the job interview went ok. Honest, punctual, polite, well dressed.

Lecturer complimented me on last assignment. Happy, old self?, Smart, Logical

Pleasure. Iced coffee

Accomplishment. Job interview

Gratitude. Opportunity for new work

That is my homework for the psych I do each day. Might actually be working. Well, I really only replied to a couple of work email otherwise today. But feel good for a moment. Going to enjoy it.

[Birdy77]

Inspirational Wolfy 😊

🌻birdy