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Welcome to the Grief and Loss section

Sophie_M
Moderator
Moderator
Everyone’s experience of grief or loss is unique. You might experience all kinds of difficult or overwhelming emotions, and you might sometimes wonder if the sadness will ever end. This is a normal reaction to loss.

There is no right or wrong way to grieve, but it can help to allow yourself to: share your grief, and let others support you.

This forum category is for all discussions relating to how grief and loss has affected you, providing a space for you to express your feelings, discuss difficult moments and anniversaries, and honour the memories of your lost loved ones.

Please be aware that threads in this forum may contain discussions of self-harm and suicide.
27 Replies 27

Koori_Col
Community Member

Hello All,

I suddenly lost my youngest daughter, 31, four years ago and still have overwhelming Loss and Grief issues. She was the most sweetest and dearest person I have everknown, even though she was/is my daughter. As a 67 year old man, my tears never stop flowing whenever I think of her, and her little daughter whom she left behind. Some days the grief is so unbearable. The tears flow freely as I now type. As an Aboriginal man, family means so very much to us all.

Hello Koori Col,

I can not even imagine the depth of your grief as a parent myself. It must be so hard for you . I admire the strength you have to write a post here and share your story with so much compassion.

I felt the depth of your pain in your words.As you know there is no right way to grieve. 4 years is not long at all in your life, so it will take me. I think tears can be healing and it is good to let them flow feeling.

I think problems can start when people try to stifle emotions and hold back the tears.

I notice you have started a thread as well. Welcome to the forum.

I really like the photo for your avatar. Did you take that?

Quirky

Koori Col, i just want to send some hugs your way.

I suddenly lost my husband in 2017 at 28yrs old, 3 young children. I thought of my father in law when reading your post, hes roughly your age too. I hope you have great memories of your daughter.

Philomena
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Koori Col

Grief is something you can’t easily overcome and everybody grieves differently. I can understand your feelings no matter what anyone may say the pain of the grief can’t be taken away you will have to accept the reality of the grief by attending a memorial service and at times you may feel sad ,angry and upset over what has happened grief brings in many emotional reactions too and at times a sense of fear, denial, lonleliness and physical systems too like sweating, body pain, head aches, breathlessness, panic attacks at times a sense of withdrawal and not wanting to participate in activities you did before but this is a process of living with the grief and then you have to develop an enduring connection with the deceased though not present but in heart and mind by memories and biographies and try to get involved in new skills and new activities.

you may also try to get involved in support groups where you will meet people who are also grieving and know that you don’t grieve alone. Besides these groups have activities like bingo, movies and other things you could get involved.

i hope these suggestions will help you in your grieving process .

affected1
Community Member

How does grief and loss relate to God, love and spirituality, in that we perhaps only feel grief and loss, if we have doubts about God's existence, as if we knew God really existed, we would feel no loss, in a way, knowing that that person lost is still around, just in another realm somewhere?

That's how I think, anyway.

Any loss is perceived loss then, and real loss is not really ever real, unless we connect to the loss from something other than from love.

Fear, grief, loss are attached to non-love feelings of hurt, pain, and suffering then, not to love, which washes all of these into itself, and they disappear into love, and love still remains love.

Would God also feel grief, and loss then?

Even Carl Gustav Jung was said to have said that every problem is a spiritual problem at its heart.

It is for me too, and until I prove the existence of God to myself, I seem to feel depressed about life, and having to live it here.

Guest_4643
Community Member

Hi everyone, my name's Tayla and I'm 20. Relatively new to these BB Forums.

I'm so sorry for everyone's losses.

I lost my Grandparents' a few years back, my Mum's parents. My Dad's parents passed away before I was born so of course I never got to meet them although I hear stories about them and it breaks my heart that I never got the chance.

My Nana passed away in 2013, and my Grandpa passed away in 2015. They both passed away from Cancer, different types. My Nana was a Nurse for over 40 years, and she looked after my Grandpa. My Grandpa had Dementia so couldn't remember names etc very well. He was a few years older than my Nana, that's how they met actually - he had a bad car accident and she nursed him back to safety and they fell in love. I think it's the sweetest most inspiring love story to me and it warms my heart. They still loved each other despite everything they've been through. My Grandpa's health got worse after my Nana passed away.

I also lost my pet bird Coco, who was a Cockatiel a few years ago, I can't remember the exact year but I think it was around the same time. I also lost a Jack Russell called Jack who was my very first pet and my Grandparents' Dog, a male German Shepherd called Lori. My Grandparents ended up taking care of Jack and Lori, the dogs, and they became best of friends and since the German Shepherd was the same age as me (all of the animals got sick and old), the Jack Russell kept him alive longer. It's so sweet but sad.

I grieve for my Grandparents and all of the animals every day and miss and love them more every day. I still feel like they're all here and I can see them all, but then reality kicks in. I remember everything, the funerals for my Grandparents, the dates they both passed away, all of that. It always sticks with me.

What I try to do is remember the good times I had with all of them, the animals too. However while that's nice reminiscing on those memories, it's also heartbreaking realising I can't have them anymore, and create more. I can't even look at photos or anything to do with any of them, and the animals, without bursting into tears.

Anything to do with losing a loved one is so hard for me and it's one of my triggers (don't worry no one's triggered me, I felt like posting trying to help). I get so emotional and I can't deal with it. I try my best to be strong and tell myself that they're all in a better place.

I was close to both of my Grandparents. It's been so hard on my parents too.

Tayla.

S_D
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi Tayla,

Thanks for sharing your story about your grandparents and pet bird. You have inspired me to post my first response, thank you. I'm also new to the BB forums and can relate to your experiences having also lost my nana a few years ago and my grandfather to cancer as well since then. I was also very close to my grandparents and it was difficult seeing my mum going through this loss as well.

It was really lovely to hear about how your nana was a nurse and how she looked after your grandpa (not to mention how they met, so sweet!). I'm sure it means the world to them that they are still in your thoughts and that you treasure your memories of them.

What things have you found have helped most with processing your grief? Personally, seeing a therapist, attending yoga classes, as well as floatation therapy have been some of the best therapeutic tools i've so far discovered for working with grief and loss. Would love to hear any other ideas or suggestions from anyone reading this as to how they have been able to manage their grief after a loss too. Thinking of you all and hoping each days gets a little easier. Thanks 🙂

Mandyk
Community Member
I have been suffering from depression for 16 years, my sole mate and long term partner and love of my life, left me in June without any warning, there was no one else he just had a break down caused by his previous marriage. There is so much to say but I don’t have the energy to write it down, I suffer from Crohn’s disease and am struggling to get that under control. I can’t work, I can’t get any financial assistance yet as it can take years, I am so lonely and have no one to talk to that understands, everyday it gets worse, I can’t see anyway forward my life is just shallow and empty, I’ve tried to join groups but they don’t work out, I’m so lost and alone.

Hey Mandyk,

Welcome to our friendly online community. We are so grateful that you decided to reach out here today as we know it can be really tough to do this for the first time. We're so sorry to hear what you're going through, and can hear how much pain you must be in after the the loss of the love of your life. Please know that you've come to a safe space and our wonderful community is here to help support you through this.

It sounds like things are feeling really overwhelming for you, and we think it might really help to talk it out. We'd recommend getting in touch with Griefline on 1300 845 745. GriefLine provides counselling support services free of charge to individuals who are experiencing loss and grief. One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals for seeing a counsellor in a more ongoing way. 

Please also know that the lovely counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service (1300 22 4636), Lifeline (13 11 14) and Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) are always available to you 24/7 during your most difficult moments, you don't have to go through this alone.

Hopefully a few of our welcoming community members will pop by soon to welcome you and offer some words of support and advice. If you'd like to post further, we'd also encourage you to start a new thread so that you can continue to share your journey with us, and our community can offer you as much support, advice and conversation as you need. We're all here for you.