Unable to come to terms with his loss (New to beyondblue)

[bb01]

Hello, my bestfriend passed away tragically on my 21st birthday last year.. He was hit by a car while walking along a road, I still to this day have no closure and I am really not coping. How do you deal not being able to say goodbye or anything, I think about it everyday it just doesn't seem real yet. if anybody here has had something like this happen advice would be beautiful, TIA.

[Birdy77]

Dear bb01,

I am so very sorry to hear of the loss your best friend.

To have lost him on your birthday is especially difficult as each year what should be a happy celebration will also be an anniversary of your loss.

To not have the opportunity to say goodbye is hard, and has left you without a feeling if closure.

I would encourage you to keep talking to him as if he were alive still. Play his favourite music, chat with him and have a laugh. I have a playlist on spotify for my brother whom I lost last year with all his favourite tracks on. I play it some nights and cook his favourite dinner. I like to, and I like to think he would like me to as well.

I wonder if you have had any grief counselling? I found it very helpful when I lost one if my best friends a few years ago. It was under tragic circumstances and I found the counselling necessary to be able to cope with the feelings I had. It might be something to think about if you haven't already.

They say there is no time limit to grief, and your sadness may not ever completely disappear, but your heart needs to feel all the deep feelings in order to heal. So be very gentle with yourself and know that whatever you are feeling is ok. Hold yourself with love and understanding, and send love to your friend as well.

Please feel safe and welcome to talk here as much as you like. We care.

🌻birdy

[Amarie]

Hi bb01,

I am very sorry to hear about the loss of your best friend. Losing anyone we love is difficult but when they're taken so suddenly, it can be hard to comprehend.

It took me close to 2 years to really come to terms with the fact my dad had died. He took his own life and I didn't get to say goodbye either. He died the day after my birthday, so I understand how difficult that can be to go on celebrating your birthday.

It's important that your patient with yourself. As Birdy77 said, there is no time limit on grief. It takes time process and come to terms with it in your own way.

Counselling is definitely a great idea if you're feeling as if you're not coping. You'll be surprised the difference it can make.

If not a counsellor, is there someone in your family or close to you that you can talk to about how you're feeling?

Talking about it helps - even if you just want to chat on here or by calling BB.

It took me a while but now I can think and talk about my dad without being sad. I think of all the wonderful memories I have with him and how lucky I was to have had him in my life.

Be patient with yourself, it does get easier with time.