The feeling of unknown

[Francis_22]

Hi Ladies,

I dont know where to begin. So lets start from the start… in 2021 August, my partner was so happy when we found out we were pregnant… though it was short lived, fast forward to our first scan at 12 weeks we found out that it was a molar pregnancy. Within 2 days I had been refer to to hospital to undergo a d/c. I was so confused as they said it was not a pregnancy to begin with but the symptoms of pregnancy and the loss of a pregnancy. I couldnt stop crying, it was hard especially when I found that it was a very rare case. Me! Why me? Thought it was finish the next day but no. For the next 8 months I was monitored. Taking a blood test that started as weekly then quaterly and gradualy every month. This was to monitor my HCG level. Finally in July 2022 I was release. Fast forward to August 2023, I found out I was pregnant. This time we both was unsure whether it is real or it could be a false pregancy like last time. We tried not to be too excited as we know being to excited always turns the other way around. I shortly book an appointment to my local gp which asked me to get a blood test. The blood test confirmed that I was 4 weeks pregnant. We couldnt be happier but at the same time ask the doctor would this be another molar pregnancy. She said its mostly not. Its like getting strike by lightning twice. She said because I was still early I had to wait at least 8 weeks to get and ultrasound. The ultrasound showed a gestational sac and a heart beat. I was in disbelived! Fast forward at 10 weeks I had a genetic Test at 10 weeks 2 days. Unfortunately at 10 weeks 5 days, i noticed some symptoms. Anxious, I called the doctor and she said there is nothing to worry about. The next day while I was at work, my symptoms increased. i went straight to emergency room with my partner. Doctor said that they cannot do anything unless with an ultrasound. I gotten an idea that it was a threatened miscarriage which can be save. Waitting for 1 day, until my next scan. Trying to stay positive at the same time so many thoughts are running through my mind. Here at 11 weeks exaclty I went to get an ultrasound, just as i thought there was no heartbeat,. I had a missed misscarriage. when i get home, the doctor called me to confirm about the sad news, she also received the results of the genetic test. It showed that there was an abnormality in the fetus chromosomes. I had actually lost the baby 3 weeks ago, shortly after my first scan. There was no growth… i started crying but then I realised it was never fully developed so perhaps its my body telling me that its not suppose to happen. The doctor recommend because i have no fever and just light cramps that I undergo the natural process of waitting for the tissue to pass on it own. 2 hours later, lying in bed i started to have the biggest cramps. still as im writing this to you, my cramps still hurting me. Im getting my blood test tomorrow and going to talk to the doctor about the passing and bleeding that im experiencing right now. The feeling of the unknown is so hard to describe. I want to stay strong for my partner because he is more vulnerable than me. Im feeling scared and i just hope this shall pass and ill be strong enough to try again. Hope that your not alone and there are others who are just experiencing this too. X 

[Sophie_M]

Hey Francis_22

Thank you for posting to the Beyond Blue forums. We can hear you’re going through a difficult time, and we wanted to let you know that we’re here for you.    We are so deeply sorry to hear about your loss. Thank you for sharing your story here, at what we imagine is a really overwhelming time.

 We hope that you have someone that you can talk to and some support during this tough time. It’s normal to feel a whole range of emotions during this time, grief has no set pattern, and everyone experiences loss in different ways. 

You deserve to feel supported during this incredibly difficult time. Sands is a wonderful organisation and has a 24/7 Bereavement Support Line: 1300 308 307.

You can also call our counsellors at any time, on 1300 22 4636. They can help you talk this through and will also be able to help you plan what's next so that you have that support in place. We'd also recommend talking to Griefline, on 1300 845 745 (6am to midnight AEST every day): https://griefline.org.au/   The forums are a safe and supportive space, so we want to thank you for sharing here.

Take extra special care of yourself during this challenging time ❤️   

Kind regards,   

Sophie M