panic connected to grief

[pawsy]

i had a mini panic attack in my guitar class today. i suddenly couldnt read the music and i couldnt get back on track and just completely closed down.  i have no idea why it happened. there was no trigger.  it felt bad. i felt stupid or like maybe i have dementia or something. afterwards i have just been thinking about how i miss my  mum who died in october last year. i feel like i am never going to get over the pain of her dying. my dad died too in the same year and the years running up to when they died were so hard. it feels like i died with them in a way and i will never get strong again and i cant even read music or play the guitar which is one of the things i cling onto and did while they were dying. it feels like these things are connected. can panic arise from grief?  it's been seven months since my mum died and i feel worse than ever.

[Eagle Ray]

Hi pawsy,

I'm so sorry to hear both your mum and dad died last year. That is so much to take in. I do think it is quite normal to have feelings of panic in relation to grief. My mum died in 2020 and my dad in 2016. I have found it so extraordinarily painful too. I am wondering if you have had anyone to talk to about your feelings? Are there any friends or family members you feel you can share with? Not everyone wants to talk about their feelings following a loss, so that may or may not suit you, and there is no one way to grieve. But if you did need to process your feelings with someone I can recommend calling Griefline on 1300 845 745. However, they only provide their service if you are aged 18 or over and I am not sure of your age. If you are younger than 18, you could try Kids Helpline on 1800 55 1800.

In my experience I didn't have anyone to process things with after my mum died, so like you I had episodes of panic and overwhelm. When we connect with others it helps regulate our nervous system and calms our challenging feelings so they are more manageable. Seven months is only a short time since your mum passed. It is very normal to still feel things strongly. If it helps to chat about your mum I am happy to.

Take good care and sending you kindness.

[ABC01]

Hello Pawsy,

Panic can most certainly arise from grief. Panic attacks are connected to breathing. If your emotions get too great,one of the first things we do, probably without realising it, is tense up our bodies. And then we tend to suck in our stomachs and hold it tense. That can change your breathing patterns. If you hold it for long enough, it has to release somehow. We panic that we can’t get a solid breath in or can’t feel it like normal. That makes us more panicked. And the cycle repeats. Panic attacks are a clear message something is not “right” in the current moment emotionally.

Grief brings so many emotions with it. Anger,Fear,Regret,Anxiety,Frustration,Sadness, Confusion,Despair,Denial and more. If you haven’t been able to fully process any of these,they could cause panic to occur. 

You are most definitely not “Stupid”. Every emotion has different triggers and you may not know all of them. Your emotions aren’t stupid. Your feelings are valid. However this might be a wake up call to take action and talk to a mental health professional or someone trained in the areas you need to express. Just so it doesn’t get bigger. You are a person. You are important. I am sorry you have been through so much. But this tells me you are strong and resilient. You may feel you don’t have this. But YOU have this. You can take a break from music if you need too. You can always pick it up again when you are ready too. You sound very overwhelmed. That is okay. Keep reaching out and keep talking to others.

I wish you the best. Please remember to be kind to yourself.

ABC01