Newbie - lost my dad with dementia

[StrawberryShortcake]

Lost my dad on new years day to dementia. He gave up about a month beforehand and just stopped eating and drinking. He come good again and then refused all foods and fluids again before he passed. He suffered before he died. I didnt make it to his side in time. I feel regret over this. He was in a nursing home and he always said to me to never put in him care, which I feel regret about. The home was wonderful to dad, I cannot fault the care that they gave him. I do miss him terribly.

[smallwolf]

Hi StrawberryShortcake,

welcome to beyond blue. Such as lovely name, but such a sad story.

My grandmother was in a nursing home for many, many years due to Alzheimer's - the kids (my parents) seriously did not have the means to look after her. One time I visited her with dad, and she did not recognise dad. He wanted me to wait outside. It is such as terrible disease.

Considering what our parents to do for us in our younger days, you want to do what you can when they get older?

And while we don't know what are parents thoughts are in relation to getting care, you also said the home was wonderful to your dad.

While I have not had your experience of losing a parent, getting over the death of a loved one will take different length of time for each of us. While I don't think about my grandmother every day, when I do, there is still a tinge of sadness and lump in my throat - even as I write this.

Finally, note that you want to talk about it, this place is good. You can also get professional help if needed.

And I am sure the reasons he went into a home was made using whatever information you had at the time. ie you made the right decision for the right reasons. You are only human.

Tim

[White_Rose]

Dear StrawberryShortcake

Welcome to the forum. Please accept my condolences for the loss of your dad. Dads are such fantastic and special people who leave a huge hole when they have gone. I do not know much about dementia but I understand that the reasons for doing some things are not always clear to others. Logical to the person concerned and this may have been the case with your dad.

My mom died in the UK and I did not get to see her as no one told me how unwell she was. It is very hard and I felt bad about it. I wish I could have been there. It's taken me many years to become accustomed to this. The loss of someone very close to our hearts is so painful.

Do you have any siblings? If so, how are they coping? It can be helpful to get the family together to reminisce about dad. Perhaps now a short time has passed you may find it helps. Even talking about dad with others may help. Please feel able to post here.

Mary