Neighbour issues and my emotions and long time grieving

[MummaMel94]

Over the past few months, My neighbours have been a bit off a problem unfortunately, But than comes all my emotions, anger, hate towards someone who doesn't like us, purely for existing and doing things our way, And not hers... I'm a delayed griever , So it takes me a few days after the funeral and such for me to actually kick in my emotions, But i can never be happy around the 12th of Dec each year.

12-12-2012, Was supposed to be a lucky and special time for most if not all, But unfortunately that wasn't the case for my family, You see, I lost the closest thing to a father to me, whom was my uncle, and a few days prior, a very very close family friend passed away to, But we got the news around the same time, that morning, Every year, without fail, I start crying 😭 and i turn into the Grinch, which i absolutely hate, As i have kids, And i hate being this way, I hate Christmas, All because someone who was more off a father figure to me, Departed from earth, 11 year's ago. I don't want to be this way, i used to like Christmas and such, Now im just miserable as , And just want Dec to be over and done with... I miss my uncle, the lady i called Aunty, My 2 lots off grandparents, and even my best friend that passed away the same year in 2012, was the family dog, off 16 years, Life just seems meaningless, I also miss the Nana that adopted my family, dad and so forth... She was such a lovely woman, her hugs we're the best. 

Sorry,. I just need to get this off my chest, I have no family anymore to talk to, and i feel all alone when it comes to trying to talk about how i feel like i can't cope. i know i need help, and ive tried getting that help multiple times, But no one wants to help me... Than homelessness came and made life even more off a struggle. 

Im a failure and i can't keep my emotions in anymore, and the neighbour that hates us, isn't helping with my emotional imbalance lately either 😭

[MummaMel94]

I also haven't been able to sleep, well not properly lately, and when i sit down for more than a few minutes, I phase out, than start crying, and it sucks, i have never gotten to grieve properly since my nan passed away in 2006, and than other relatives and family members passing away to, Its like i can never just catch a break , It just all comes at once with my waterworks 

[Sophie_M]

Hey MummaMel94,

Thank you for sharing what is happening for you here. It sounds like it is a really difficult time of year which is completely understandable - You have been through a lot.

There are no 'rules' when it comes to grief. Grief has no set pattern, and everyone experiences grief differently. You are not a failure for feeling these emotions so strongly. Grief can deeply impact us many years later.

  It can be really hard when it feels like there was not a chance to properly grieve. Are you connected with any bereavement or mental health support currently? If you could use some more support, please have a look at the advice and directories on the Beyond Blue website here. We'd highly recommend talking to Griefline, on 1300 845 745 (6am to midnight AEST every day). 

Please know that you're not alone with this, you can call the Beyond Blue helpline at any time, on 1300 22 4636. 

We hope you're able to be kind to yourself through this and treat yourself gently through this tough time.

Kind regards,  

Sophie M  

[MummaMel94]

Thanks, I don't cry any other time, expect in December off every year, And sometimes i don't even know that im crying, Also cry and get emotionally upset without knowing it, when a death- versary comes around, like for some reason, My body and brain knows and remembers, Its tough, Ive been through a lot, prior to becoming homeless, I tried my best to attempt to get help from GP and professionals, But never got that call or letter to say i had an appointment, i get palmed off a lot, And as much as i hate socialising, I miss going on holidays with my relatives and family, Even though i got ignored a lot with my cousin's and such. It still was normal, And i miss that. I can't make or even create new memories, due to my finances at the moment, Not to mention, my partner isn't a boat person, The one time im kicking myself for not getting a boat licence, when i should have prior to my uncle's passing 😔 , I miss the normal, i love my kids, But this doesn't feel right though.