Need tips for dealing with grief

[blokeybloke]

Hey guys, straight to the point, I've never really been in touch with my emotions and have recently been told that my God mother passed away a few months ago (been fighting cancer a few years) and my grandmother may have bowel cancer (which her father passed away from). Any tips are appreciated.

[Jacko777]

Hi blokeybloke,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums mate, I am glad you are talking about this.

Don't hold it in, if sadness comes and you feel like you need a cry, go for it. Give you self some space and time to let this happen and NEVER feel ashamed about tearing up, we all do it mate. There are times to be sad and there are times to be thankful for what you have/had. I hope you can be in touch with your Grandmother, spend all the time you can with her. 

If I find my mind is scattered and I'm having trouble concentrating I practice putting my thoughts in a pigeon hole, I am aware that I have had a worthy thought but I tell myself that now is not the time to address that thought and I decide to put it in a pigeon hole to be addressed later at an appropriate time. It helps me to know what I can do about a situation and ensure that I am doing it, then if I am having random thoughts I can remind myself that I have decided what I can do and I am doing it, further thought is not necessary, it takes practice.

I always try to think of how I love people, not how I miss them or how I feel sad for them.

Hang in there mate, chat any time.

Jack

[white knight]

Hi Blokeybloke welcome

Jack is spot on I reckon.

Everyone has different forms of grieving. eg I will never enter a cemetery. Its my choice (unless my wife needs me there). But with grief itself I find being busy is the best remedy. Find a hobby, sport (golf) and do it extensively.

That helps. After my first marriage I built my own kit home while I worked 12 hours shift work. I was too busy to scratch myself.

It worked.

Tony WK

[geoff]

dear Blokeybloke, It's really good that you have come to the forum, not only for help and advice, but someone to talk to, and we do appreciate this from you in these very difficult times.

I want to offer my sincere condolences for the loss of your Godmother, and hope that your grandmother stays well for many years to come.

The replies from Jacko and Tony are their way of trying to cope with in a similar situation, and hope that they have been able to help you.

People differ on how they learn to cope with the passing of someone very close or indeed related, where they can either suppress their feelings inwardly or show their sadness, but still can't find the strength to do their daily work or to show affection for their love ones.

There can be no right or wrong way, whether you show your emotions or whether you don't, but even so emotions still happen with in yourself, and if you decide that you feel embarrassed to cry in front of people, there is absolutely no shame in doing so.

I'm 60 and have cried so many times either in depression or when someone I loved has passed away.

I have no fear on how I show my emotions, I can't and will never try and hold back how I feel, and years ago when men said 'no man should cry', is well and truly outdated.

Go and see your grandmother and tell her exactly how you feel, cry if you need to, this actually shows her how sad you are feeling for her. Geoff.

[blokeybloke]

Hey guys thanks for the tips, they where very useful.

[BigJ]

Hi blokeybloke, 

I have lost my grandfather who loved dearly about 5 yrs ago now and I keep him inside I cried my eyes out of course and once I did it, it felt so good to let the pain out, apparently some woman find man crying attractive, which cool.

I now use my grandfather as my inspiration in life and I will always remember the love and compassion, which is what I will do for my family when I have one. Also always remember the happy times this helps lots too.