My partners Dad died and were 21 years old

[Inca18]

My partners dad passed away from lung cancer about 6 weeks ago. He is not coping well nor am I. His parents are separated and he has 4 half siblings (all in their 40’s) and one full sibling, a he’s 24. My partner is the youngest at 21. My partner was the only child to be living with his dad and was there to see it all.

5 weeks after his dad has died, his half siblings have started chasing him for “rent”. They all own an equal share in the house but their dads wishes were for my partner to live there until he has fully qualified from his apprenticeship (in 14 months time). However this wish was onlY spoken of and not written down.

He is not coping with this well and has since stopped talking to all his siblings and will occasionally take his anger out on me by snapping at me or being moody. My own mental health is not great at the moment as I had so much on my player, and still do. I had to deal with the loss myself, as well as helping my partner get through it and focusing on all the other aspects of my day to day life- new job, strict parents who’d don’t understand, and annoying little brothers.

I am feeling so lost in myself. I have taken the day off work because I am struggling. My boyfriend has made a few mistakes (with regards to girls) throughout this relationship but has always apologised and said he will work on his actions. He hasn’t cheated but it’s small things which have hurt my feelings but I have given him the benefit of the doubt. I need an outsiders opinion on how to cope because my parents are of no help and we share the same friends.

[IreneM]

Hi Inca

First of all a warm welcome to the Forums.

I can relate to your situation a lot as I was 21 when my father died from either heart attack or brain cancer, we didn't find out the reason. My parents were both separated at the time also. Like you my parents were of no help as well.

But it sounds like you have some friends. Be open about it with them. I also encourage you to call the support line below, they are really helpful.Suggest that you raise the house situation with them too and they can refer you to other free resources.

But if you want to be there for him, you must first look after yourself. Considered talking to your doctor about getting a mental health plan if you dot already have one. At least you have a job, does your supervisor at work know? and are they supportive? You could then count that as another plus. Having a psychologist to talk to really turned my life around along with the support here on these forums. Check out the LOOKING AFTER YOURSELF and GET IMMEDIATE SUPPORT links below.

Take Care.

Irene.

[Inca18]

I think my parents are forgetting that my partner and I are 20&21 and that losing his father is a huge thing at a young age. Most people don’t go through that pain and suffering until they are a lot older.

I feel as if I don’t have a lot of friends I can then too my best friend is also really good friends with my partner (that’s how I met him) so she has a very neutral opinion.

He has made many silly mistakes and has blamed it on the stress of his dad when he was sick and passed away as well as maturity (or lack of) and just not thinking straight.

i think throughout this whole situation, my feelings and thoughts have been pushed to one side and no one has considered that maybe I’m not ok? It’s always been “give him a chance he’s going through a lot”.

I love him tremendously but I just need my feelings to be considered!

[Doolhof]

Hi Inca18,

It does sound like you are both going through quite a time of mixed emotions, thoughts and feelings. It must be a hard time for you both.

Right now your partner may be unable to reach out to you and be of support to you if he is struggling himself. I realise this does not help you at all though does it! When people are grieving and going through the process of loss, we don't generally think very clearly all of the time.

Sorry to read your parents are not appearing to be understanding or supportive. Can you try talking to them again and see if they understand a little better?

Do you have Aunts or Uncles who you could reach out to? It can sometimes be surprising to discover who is willing to listen.

Do you have hobbies and interests you can do to help you feel a little better about life? It is supposed to help!

Cheers to you from Dools