Georgia P, I am sorry for your loss.
I lost my father 3 months ago, this last week has been the most difficult time, I am constantly breaking down, and have stopped doing many things.
I do not know where the line between grief and depression sits.
There are two things I gravitate towards when it really hurts.
First I speak to dad aloud, sometimes I leave a message on his phone as well, it helps to express what is on my mind. A lot of the time I am so emotional that I am barely coherent, but even the primal scream that escapes is a small release.
The other is to write, I write to dad, about many things, some times I write poetry, or lyrics, then I compose some music if I feel up to it.
To tell you the truth though, I think much of what I do is a way to pass the time through the darkness, life feels different now, and each day brings another set of challenges and more darkness to face.
I hope you can find brief respite from yours.
I found talking to someone helps, I began with over the phone chats to someone from NALAG, that is a NSW group, but I am sure there are similar groups in other states.
They are volunteers, who have experienced grief themselves, they can arrange to call you at certain times and talk to you at your own pace.
Because you speak to the same person it becomes a bit easier to open up, and as a man, that was extremely difficult for me.
There are other options such as counsellors or group sessions too, though with COVID things are constantly changing.
I don't know if any of what I wrote is helpful, and I don't have to tell you how deep this pain can feel, just hope you can feel that others are on this journey with you. you don't have to face this alone.
