My Dad is going in for a lung transplant and I’m really scared for him and myself.

[Seraphene-4444]

Hi I’m Seraphene I’m 19 and I’m struggling to keep myself together. I have autism and ocd and I’m scared I won’t be ok ever. Even though I’m getting help it’s so hard.

My Dad has a severe illness called pulmonary hypertension. He’s been going in and out of hospital since May 2022 when he got Covid and was diagnosed in October 2022. He is on the lung transplant list. And even though I’m doing my best to stay strong for him and positive I can’t keep it together because I’m scared for myself. I have been crying secretly so I don’t worry him.

But I’m afraid I won’t be ok. I’m scared that when he goes on immunosuppressants I will accidentally make him sick or if he dies I won’t be able to stay strong. I’m trying to find a course that will help me have a high paying job so I can live independently but I’m worried that it won’t work out. Uni was an ultimate failure for me. I’m thinking of doing OHS or something but I’m worried that I won’t be good enough. My mum died from cancer and my sibling is dealing with his own problems I’m so scared. It’s so hard. I am getting therapy but I feel like I’m worthless. How am I supposed to stay strong through this tough time. I don’t want to give up on life but I just feel so much grief.

[smallwolf]

hello and welcome.

Sad to read what you have been through. I also think it is natural to worry and think the worst when  your parent(s) are in and out of hospital. At the same time it's good to hear you have a therapist you can talk to about what going on. And hopefully will also be able to help you with the other things you mentioned in your post such as living independently. 

It's also OK to want to be strong.... It is also OK to talk with your dad about how you are feeling and to some degree what you are thinking. I obviously don't know what your dad is thinking or feeling but letting him know of your care and concerns... well, I think that would be OK.

I probably cannot tell you anything that would make you feel better... but if you want to chat, I am following this thread.

[Seraphene-4444]

Thank you so much for the reply. I know we probably all wish this but I just wish that there was a wand that could control everything. Why cant good things happen.

[smallwolf]

yeah... a magic wand would certainly be nice! I get that.

Life can be unpredictable and difficult at times, and (unfortunately) it's a natural part of the human experience to face challenges and setbacks.  (And without of the bad things, we would not be able to recognise any of the "good" things.) But i think what you really want is a a lucky break, as it all seems to the happening at once?

From your initial post,

• I can see that you love your family very much! 
• you were concerned about getting your dad sick. I would assume those looking after your did medically would also provide tips and other information to remain as healthy as possible.
• I guess the other question I might have here is ... what is the likelihood of you making him sick?

(Listening...)