Lost my mum to cancer

[Mumsgirl]

Has anyone lost a parent to cancer and can please tell me how to cope with the unrelenting sadness and regret? I am seriously struggling with my day to day life and I feel like my kids are missing out because I just can't stop crying and I get irritated so easily. My mum passed just over 5 months ago now and everyday it just get harder. I don't have have a partner, the kids dads not in the picture and not much support or other family and there's about a 3month wait for my first counciling intake appointment so im just trying to find ways to cope in the meantime if anyone has ideas?

[geoff]

Hello Mumsgirl, a very good comment, and I'm dearly so sorry that your mum has passed away,

because I'm struggling with leukemia (acute myeloid leukemia) which I was diagnosed in Oct '22 and have 2 sons, my ex who is in regular contact with me, since our divorce was caused by my depression, but regret doing this, plus other family/friends who also concerned about my health.

They will be in exactly the same position as you are now, and I dearly regret that this will happen because of what they have said to me.

I only wish I could change this because they all love me so deeply and the only person in the family for this to happen to, because all my belongings will have to be split up.

I can concur with exactly how you are feeling, because if my parents had the sam illness I would be feeling just like you are.

It's good to talk with us, and now I have to try and get everyone to avoid this the same situation.

Unfortunately when you have cancer people stay quite, no different than if you have depression.

My deepest thoughts are with you.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Mumsgirl

Please accept my condolences on the loss of your mother. I know how hard this is for you, as I also lost my mum to cancer a few years ago.

Everyone grieves differently, there is no right or wrong and no timetable. It’s okay to be weepy and sad, it’s natural. I was the same.

I did a few things to help me grieve, which may or may not resonate with you but here goes …

I framed a lovely photo of mum and put it on the mantle where I would see her everyday and I talked to her. You don’t have to go to the cemetery to connect. I wore her housecoat for comfort. I talked about her with my children and husband, as often this would leave us all laughing.

Other ways to cope may be write down your thoughts and feelings in a journal. Make a special photo album. Type up her recipes and make a cookbook for you and your kids (I did this too).

I promise you that it will get better, but I can’t tell you when. Seeing a counsellor is a good move. Try to eat well, get enough sleep and get some daily exercise. Do things you enjoy to balance out the pain. And post any time to talk.

Kind thoughts to you 

[Summer Rose]

Hi Geoff

I found your post very moving. I am so sorry to hear of your diagnosis. I hope with all my heart and soul that you are getting the care and support that you need.

Kind thoughts to you

[Eagle Ray]

Dear Mumsgirl,

 I really feel for you and it’s a very challenging time to go through with the loss of your dear Mum. My Mum died in 2020 and I do still find it hard now, but I think the grief does change form over time and it gradually becomes easier, little by little. I felt very alone too.

But one thing I did try not long after she died was going to a grief support group. This was actually quite helpful because you realise others share and get your experience at some level, and I felt less alone. It was just $5 donation to attend a session which ran for two hours. There were both day and evening options to attend. I just wondered if something like that might help to support you before you get to counselling. You could maybe google to see if there are grief support groups in the area you live in. You could also look at the resources on the Griefline website griefline.org.au to see if there’s anything helpful there.

Take care and sending you gentle and kind wishes.

And dear Geoff, sending you gentle and kind wishes too. I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I hope you can find some support, maybe somewhere you can connect with others where you can share how you are going and feeling. That human support can make such a difference. Take care.