Lost my daughter, then 8 weeks later lost my husband.

wickys · ‎24-05-2019

Two and a half years ago I lost my daughter. She died from drug toxicity. She suffered from depression. 8 weeks after that I lost my husband who had a massive heart attack at home. He was my rock when my daughter died. He was my common sense. He was my closest friend. For the first year and a half I just slept. To escape reality. I never thought I'd laugh again. Well I do laugh but most days I just feel like crying. Night time is the worse. Trying to get to sleep. I just miss them so much. The lonelyness is what gets to me. About a month ago I lost our dog. I thought every thing I love dies. I do have good day but they come in waves. In the last 5 years my family has lost my nephew, my daughter, my husband, and my neice. I grieve for my son who is still alive because he is in jail. It scares me to think I could lose him. Drugs hate them so much.Losing a child is devastating but losing your husband is too. I just wonder is this ever going to get any better. I still ask why. She was my baby. You are not ment to bury your kids before you. Thats a awful fact. My sister has lost both her kids to drugs. It sure makes you tougher that one thing I've learnt. Having to do all the stuff my husband did. Like I learnt how to use the compresser the other day to pump up tyres. I took the door off the wood fire to get it fixed because the glass was broke. Simple things like using the remote control. My husband never let me touch the one in the lounge room. I dont drink or take drugs so I find it hard to understand. What I'm asking is someone who understands all this grief I'm going though. Thanks.

Peppermintbach · ‎25-05-2019

Hi wicky,

Your post was and is heart breaking. Even though it may not mean very much coming from me, a stranger, I’m really and truly sorry for your losses.

I don’t know what it’s like to lose your own child, but I imagine that that would be one of the worst things to ever have to go through. Devastating, confusing, heart wrenching...and probably many other emotions too...and then to lose your husband not long after...sigh, I feel sometimes life can be cruel...

My experiences have not been the same as yours, but like many people here, I understand grief, which is why I responded. I think grief is so personal; we all deal with loss in our own way...

For me, each time that I lost a loved one, I felt they took a part of me with them. The pain was excruciating. I don’t think most people ever truly “get over” (so to speak) losing a loved one, but I think many of us just learn to carry our pain a little better. But sadly, that usually takes time and processing a lot of difficult/painful emotions to get there...that said, we all grieve differently so another person might have an entirely different experience to me.

About drugs and alcohol, my ex did have a drug problem. I’m not saying your daughter’s experience was the same as his though, but I’m simply sharing to offer an insight into why a person might take drugs...

He had a lot of personal problems and past trauma, and he would turn to drugs for those brief moments of relief. Just to escape for a bit...

Anyway, what I wanted to say most of all is I’m listening, I’m sorry for all that you’ve been through and that i understand just how horrendous grief can be...write in any time if you feel like it. No pressure but just know we are here if you ever need some comfort and care...

Kindest thoughts to you,

Pepper

wickys · ‎28-05-2019

Thankyou Pepper for your reply. We do all cope with our grief in different ways. When I lost my daughter my life changed for ever no matter what she did. I just find it so wrong to bury a child before you. To young. She went to heaven on the 1/9/2016. I never thought Id laugh again. then to lose your husband 8 weeks later was a double bunger. He was there for me when I lost her. No I'll never get over it but I do laugh now. I miss them both terribly and always will. Thankyou for taking time for me.

quirkywords · ‎28-05-2019

Wickys,

I found your post so moving and it really touched. I have adult children but can not know what you have gone through.

I want to thank you for honestly writing about your experiences and communicating the rawness of your grief.

There will be people reading your posts who will be experiencing grief and your words will make them feel less alone.

I wonder if you have ever reached out to a Friends in grief group or a group with a similar name. There is a group for parents who have a lost a child . A friend of mine found it helpful for her after her son died in an accident.

Your daughter and your husband will always be part of your life. I know a mother who made a garden in honour of her daughter, and sometimes people write a story about their loved one. Everyone is different and grieves in different ways .

I just wanted to say thanks for sharing something very painful and personal with us.

Quirky

Peppermintbach · ‎29-05-2019

Hi Wickys,

The date that your beautiful daughter went to heaven will be etched in your memory forever. Yes, as you said, it was an excruciating double hit...

First your daughter then your husband, all in the space of only 2 months...heartbreaking...the enormity and heaviness of those 2 losses.

I think it’s really moving how you can still laugh sometimes. But I also hear how you miss them terribly. I suspect you might never stop missing them, and painful as that might be, that’s okay too...

I think it’s okay to honour our feelings. It’s okay to honour grief. It’s okay to honour our funny moments of laughter. Our everything...

Thinking of you...and I’m glad lovely Quirky has responded with such a compassionate post...

Pepper