Lost family

[Scared1]

HI. I don't know what to say really. My last remaining family member just died and I'm so so alone. I can't get motivated to get up most days. I feel so alone at present. I have no friends to talk with. And no family. I feel it's just all to much to get up and function. I'm falling behind in everything and have lost all self value. I just want to find help but don't know where to turn. The loneliness is getting in the way of everything. Is there help in Sydney? ??

[Doolhof]

Hi Scared1,

My understanding of how you are feeling right now is extremely limited. I am not in your situation.

Is it possible for you to go and talk to a Dr about how you are feeling? The Dr may be able to offer some suggestions of counsellors or a psychologist who can help you.

It may be beneficial to look into some grief counselling. Grief can be such a powerful condition hat can be worked through over time.

There may be some support groups you could join, or maybe social groups of some kind.

If you are not working, you may consider some volunteering work with people, it will help you to meet new people.

Recently I started volunteering in a home for the elderly and feel like I now have many "adopted" grand parents.

I'm very sorry for your immense loss. I don't know what else to suggest right now. I do so hope you are able to talk to your Dr and ask for help and assistance.

Regards from Dools

[Wait_what]

Hey Scared1 - of course you feel alone. Death does that. And as for lacking motivation to get up, that's grief. I share your pain. I was just told of my father's passing and I didn't manage to get out of bed all day yesterday except to get a coffee and go to the bathroom. And that's okay. I'm self employed, so I gave myself a week's bereavement leave. If you've got a job, ask for bereavement leave or take a couple of days sick leave and look after yourself. That's what sick pay is for.

My husband lost both his parents in a six month period 5-6 years ago and he, rightly, grieved for quite a while. But he came out the other side as I'm sure I will too. And so will you. You just need to be kind to yourself as often as possible for the next little while.

Some advice if I may - get outside and go for a walk in the sun. It will help. So will reaching out to people - on forums like this, facebook (or other social media groups (some are even helpful!!), call up an old friend, find and join a group of people who do something you like, books, chess, games, singing, acting, gardening, whatever - doesn't matter. Even a church (and I'm not a churchy person). And look for a face to face grief support group - people who will get what you're going through. You will find fellow travellers for the road you're on.

I hope that helps. Hugs to you my friend.

[Scared1]

Dear Wait what.

Thanks for your feedback. Your reply was so insightful as to my current situation.

Since I first posted a few weeks back, I have tried a few suggestions with varying outcomes.

The first step was to not allow myself to just stay in bed stuck in my own pity party. I force myself to rise and go to the local shops and have a coffee each morning. It's a small start but it is a start. I even made an appointment with my GP and have a referral to see a psychologist. I'm petrified but determined to follow thru as not much could be worse than the way I'm existing and it has to get better and I think the push I needed came from the realisation that I am alone and no one is gonna do this for me. Basically the only way out of the mess of my life, is for ME To stand up and try to confront the issues bringing me down and try and look at each issue separately do something positive. No miracle outcome, but some things I've been avoiding haven't been as overwhelming as I allowed them to become.

The big challenge is my loneliness and isolation. I feel sick when I face the reality that I am alone in this world. I've been alone for a long time but never before thought about how lonely I am. But again only I can do something to change this.

I don't know why I fear going and meeting new people but it is a fear that will eat me up if I don't do something to change. A once very self confident person, I seem to have lost all self esteem.

BUT, feedback from yourself and someone else here. (Doolhof) has reminded me that I'm not the only one in pain and that there is a way out. Maybe your thoughts and support were the gentle motivation that I needed. I also realise that too much time on my hands is not good for me. Neither is my work as it keeps me isolated. Changing jobs I think is important but not all that easy. For me there is no easy way. I just have to soldier on. But I'm out of bed and about to take a walk. I will try to tackle this week without running away from my responsibility. Sounds easy but my stomach is churning.

Thanks again. Just knowing that people struggle and win is enough for me to know what outcomes I want.

I will update as the week progresses. Sincere thanks. W.

[Doolhof]

Hi Scared1,

I believe there are times when we need to rest and re-thing things over, then find ways to move forward.

It sounds like you have come to the realisation there are things you can do to change and improve your life.

Sometimes we need to give ourselves a big push so we make the effort. Hopefully in time, it will become easier to achieve things.

If you don't mind me asking, have you been to see a psychologist before? If not, then the first session is usually a lot of questions so the psychologist can work out what the issues are and how best to help you.

If you have any ideas of what you mainly want to deal with discuss that with the psychologist.

I sometimes find the sessions a little intense, so I try to go for a short walk after, or I write down thoughts that are going around in my head and try to let go of stuff that is buzzing around in my thoughts.

Getting out of bed each morning can be huge for some people. I also read somewhere that it is important to make your bed as well, as when you go to get back in it later, it looks welcoming and cosy. Plus you can add making your bed as an achievement for that day.

Hope you find more ways to move on and to accept the days when you struggle as well.

Cheers from Dools.