I want to be a support for my friend who is in grief :(

[Nirvaye]

Hi,
I am Prabina. Recently I have been in contact with one of my friend who has lost his wife. It has only been around 5 months she committed suicide. They have a baby. The thing is he is in Newzealand right now. He shared how he feels- emotionally unstable at this moment. I want to be a support for him. But I am afraid what if my opinion put him more at risk? I told him to seek for counselling service. He shared that given this covid situation it might be costly for him. He is looking for for some private counselling session.
Hoping from you people how to react in an appropriate way.
Thankyou!

[smallwolf]

hi Nirvaye and welcome to the forums.

everyone has a different reaction in respect to grief and one of the factors can the suddenness or unexpected nature may impact on the level of grief. You sound as though you want to be able to support your friend at this time which is a nice thing to be able to do. And your suggestion re counselling may help him to in finding a way to move forward.

Rather than me throwing out ideas, I thought it best if I gave you links to a couple of web pages:

• https://www.beyondblue.org.au/the-facts/grief-and-loss

• https://www.lifeline.org.au/get-help/information-and-support/bereaved-by-suicide/

And I am sorry to hear about the loss of your friends wife. If I could pick one thing ... being able to listen, and him find a way to express how he feels and being to keep connected with support people like yourself.

Tim

[SarahZ]

Hello Nirvaye,

Thank you for reaching out. It's very nice of you to be so caring for your friend and helping him through what must be an exceptionally difficult time. I think when people are experiencing grief there is never the universally right thing to say - everyone experiences and deals with it differently. I think just letting them know that you are there for them, supporting and listening to them, is really helpful. Just like @Tim also said, assisting him to find a way to express his emotions so he is not building them up internally may be helpful. This assistance may just be an occasional message reminding him that you are there to listen to him whenever he needs to.

You're a really caring friend @Nirvaye and I'm sure your friend will be super appreciative of your support although he might struggle to vocalise it at this stage.

Wishing you the very best ~

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi Prabina,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for joining us. I'm so sorry to hear about this loss. It means a lot to me that you're here, caring and reaching out to offer support. What makes you think that your opinion will put him more at risk?

Both Tim and SarahZ have offered some great support and welcomes already. I did a bit of a hunt and found these NZ based resources which you might be able to share -

http://www.griefcentre.org.nz/Counselling-services/Counselling.html This is the Grief Centre in NZ. Down the bottom it says that they set the fees based on what you can afford to pay and provide counselling to anyone who needs it.

https://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/get-help/in-crisis/find-a-gp-or-counsellor/ This seems to be the 'directory' of mental health services across NZ

The Beyond Blue phone number equivalent in NZ seems to be Samaritans Helpline on 0800 726 666 and 1737 (Both are free, 24/7 and 1737 offers free text as well). The only difference here is that they offer peer support where as with Beyond Blue they are professionals (peer support is better in my opinion though 🙂 )

Hopefully this can give you a place to start- it seems to be that there are still ways to access counselling services.

I hope this helps,

rt

[Nirvaye]

Thankyou Tim for your time and suggestion!!
Much appreciated..

[Nirvaye]

I really appreciate your valuable words.. Thanks SarahZ!!

[Nirvaye]

Thanks Rt!

That moment I was so concerned about his safety. He was all alone there in NZ.. and I was afraid what if my suggestion, or any of my word trigger him?
We never know what might trigger them in that situation.. In any way I didnt want to hurt him.. I did my mental health first aid training so I have that practice book.. I felt it was critical time back then hence I referred to that practice book.. tried my best!!