I really miss my mother

[naralle]

My mum and I were really close when I was living at home, but when I decided to move out things really changed. My mum wasn't herself and when I went to visit her and dad but when I met my future husband well things completely changed. My mum and dad have cut me off and it's been like it since 2004 and my sisters don't wont anything to do with me, so basically my family have cut me off all because I left home and I'm in morning for losing my mum even though she hasn't passed away. 

I miss my mum so much it hurts, I've written to my mum 3 times and no reply. I think my father might have something to do with it as we never really got a long. I always new that I was the black sheep of the family. In my father's eyes I couldn't mount to anything, I was a big disappointment to him. 

But honestly I was more close to my mother than anything else and since 2004 I haven't been the same since. That part of my heart has been left empty and hurting since and I don't want to  mean to be nasty but when my father does pass away  I want to be able to go to my mum and say why? I do love my dad but he made my life impossible. I'm also wondering if my dad had a hard up bring with his dad?

Anyway thank you for listening

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Narelle,

Avery warm and caring welcome to the forums,

I really am sorry this is happening to you…

When my husband kicked my son out of our family home, my husband forbade me from speaking or even contacting him…being afraid of husband I done what he said for a few months…..different circumstances then yours but maybe I can try to help support you….Do you think your father has done the same to your mother?…and your mum is afraid to go against his wishes?….I found a way,, the wrong way, I spoke and even met up with my son, by not being really honest with hubby….Is it possible to phone your mum while she is not with your father?….

Narelle, sweetheart, it’s hard missing your mum, I’m sure she loves you and is missing you as well….Please remember that you need to look after yourself….

My kindest thoughts with care..

Grandy..

[white knight]

Hi Naralle, welcome

We sometimes dont know what goes on behind closed doors, snickering, manipulation, exaggeration etc. Then we wonder why someone has "changed". Your mum has changed and regardless of any other influences, if there has been some, then she should be strong enough to stand up to them and be loyal to a close daughter. Then there is the possibility of your mum feeling anger for you leaving if she is possessive or jealous of others in your life. 

Our lovely Grandy has given you an example of that in her own life and I have experienced it big time in the mood changes in my loving father (dec) when my mother "got to him".

For what its worth time can help. Remain elusive for a few months then ring your mum and hold conversations that are normal and wait for her to raise any issues.

Sometimes we feel we have to mend things when the abrasiveness comes from others, its the other way around. Some parent know their childs loss if they drift away and they use that as a form of punishment. This may or may not be the case and you wont know until you get it directly from her.

I hope you are ok. Keep busy. Dwelling isnt healthy. If you mum wants she can contact you. Space might be what she craves unless pressured by others.

TonyWK

[naralle]

Hello, thank you for your comment but I don't have a contact number at all. I gave her my number and she has my home address. I'm pretty sure my father is stopping her from contacting me.

[naralle]

Hi Tony, thank you for your comment, I have written several letters to my parent and one to my mum apologizing for what every I did and I have given my phone number and address. I just think my father is stopping my mother from seeing me.  

[white knight]

Ok, if your father is stopping her from contacting you then my philosophy on that is that he has total control over her. This is unfortunate and it makes it worse when you are unaware of the reasons why. That is unfair and quite unreasonable.

I suggest you remain distant for some time and if given the opportunity to see your mother when your father isnt present you can seek out the reasons why.

TonyWK