I lost my 9 year old son. I can't cope.

[Dad_Matt]

We have our sons funeral on Monday. It's been 2 weeks since he passed away suddenly. I am so angry. A dad should be able to look after their children. I have a beautiful wife and 2 other boys. But I just can't cope. I can't sleep. I can't eat. And I other than these view lines of insure I can't talk about how deeply broken I am. I feel like something is gonna give. 

[geoff]

dear Matt, how unbelievably disturbed I feel for you and the rest of the family.

These devastations we only hope would never happen to us, and how sorry I am for you, the sympathy now and later on when the others come on board will be no different, especially from the girls, but there are males who can relate to you the same way.

This period up until Monday and then much more later on is going to be the hardest ordeal that you will have to face, and there's no easy way to get around this terrible incident, but with lots of support, help, and offers to look after the other children if that's what you would like.

You will time off work and in this period you will need help from a professional counsellor, because this grief will be so difficult to let go, and understandably it is going to cause a depression with not only yourself but with the rest of the family.

It's easy to blame yourself, but this shouldn't be so, because unfortunately you me or any other parent can't look after their children 24/7, yes we wish we could but it's not so.

You would have been a great dad to all your children and their love for you would be undeniable just as your love for them, oh hell I am so sorry.

Please let me know and please don't feel embarrassed by the words that you want to say, because it's going to be a horrible few days, and I only wish I could be there for you, as you will need the most support as possible.

I will post back to you if I don't hear back from you, again I feel for you and on this grieving occasion. Geoff.

[Neil_1]

Dear Matt,

I can't express to you how sorry I am to hear of this tragedy.  The grief you must be going through would be absolutely horrendous ... that you and your family must be going through.

I can only assume that you and your family have been held up together of late through other family and friends.  You've done a great thing to come here and post, and it must have been so hard to do that.  Since this happened, you have no doubt been just feeling numb and daytime runs into nighttime and it just continues along.

Like Geoff, I so wish I could be there for you, to help, support, be a shoulder to cry on or just a sounding board.

Monday is going to be ... well, I think you'll have a fair idea about how incredibly emotional and sad that Monday will be.

I won't write much more now ... but Matt, whenever you feel the need that you'd like to post something, please do so.  I know we don't know who each other is, but all I can say is you'll have our unconditional support for as long as you want.

Matt, Beyond Blue have a crisis phone number (1300 22 4636) that is available just if you feel you need the opportunity to talk to trained people.

Again, I can't express my sorrow for you and your family at this time.

Kind regards Matt

Neil

[Dad_Matt]

Thanks Geoff and Neil, 

I've been given pages of numbers to call but I really don't know what to say. Days do turn into night very quickly. Monday will be the hardest day of my family's life. Both my wife and our eldest son share a birthday on the 3rd of feb. And I don't know how I'm going to handle that without Hunter being there. I know my family needs me but I can't help but feel useless. I'm angry all the time. I hide away from people. The big thing for me is this thing growing in the back of my mind. I'm having these stupid thoughts about how best to make sure my family wouldn't have to worry about money. Everything is just too much and is starting to push me over the edge. All I try and think about is Monday. But then I think about the 3rd and then after that Hunters birthday and then Christmas. My world is collapsing. I'm really feeling broken. I try to remain focused on fighting for Hunter but I feel overwhelmed. The day it happened we got home and the police where there waiting to interview us. They still haven't interviewed anyone from the hospital. The police chased us all week just to sign a statement even though we are trying to organise a funeral. The questions they asked us were disgraceful. They called it routine. 

I can't fix my wife. I can't help my eldest boy. And inside I'm out of control. Broken and I don't know what to do. I've never talked to someone and really don't feel like I could. 

I have lots of friends. I have a couple of very close friends and I can't even talk to them about this. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I feel in the way when I'm not locked away on my own. A dad should look after his family. I let them down. Big time. 

[Neil_1]

Hi Matt

Thank you for getting back to us ... you (and your family) are dealing with most probably the most awful situation that someone can ever go through.  I won't go into much detail, but my brother drowned when he was 29.  I was with him and couldn't save him.  I was 25.  I was in the police car when they drove me back to Dad and Mum's farm and I can still hear my Dad's howl of grief when the car pulled up, as they had heard of a drowning tragedy in the river that afternoon, and they knew that's where we went.  I'm sorry Matt, but I just wanted to let you know, that even though I'm not ... I don't know what I'm saying, basically I'm saying that I can kind of relate ... kind of.  Hence why i said you must be feeling numb at the moment in my first post, because that's the way I felt.

It's now Sunday evening where I'm typing this and all I can feel is for you and your family tomorrow.  You know, I don't know you one little bit, but it's things like this, that although it would be so difficult for me to do, I really WISH that I could be there tomorrow for you and your family.  To help you get through the day.

You said you've got a couple of good mates ... please Matt, use them tomorrow.  Lean on them, cry on them.  You'll need them. 

Please please don't be thinking about future special days ... we'll deal with them when they get closer.  That's only going to rip you apart even more at this time.

With regard to counselling for you (and your family), I don't know if you've discussed this with your wife as yet ... most probably not at this stage, but Matt, it IS something that will need to happen much sooner than later.  But this will be for the whole family if they feel that way.  I'm thinking your wife is finding this as horrendous as you are.  I won't talk about this much more now ... we can do that in the days to come, if you feel ok about that.

Matt, you cannot be letting your family down.  How can you be?  You've experienced the most horrendous thing that could ever happen to a parent and you're experiencing emotions that are just beyond belief.

Monday will be absolutely horrible to the worst degree.  There WILL be people there who will throwing support to you, your wife and your 2 other boys ... you will ALL need it.  You will need this support and use it.  There's no way you're going to be expected to be strong tomorrow ... or beyond that.  I'll shut up now and send this post.

Matt, I'm thinking of you and your family.  Whenever you feel able to, please come back to us.  I'm just shaking my head at the moment ... I wish there was more I could do for you.  😞  😞  😞  😞

Neil

[Jo3]

Dear Matt

I am truly sorry for the loss of your little boy.  To lose a child is devastating. My heart goes out to you, your wife and other boys. Just reading your post had me in tears, i am so sorry for your loss.

Today is going to be an horrendous day, an emotional day. Well .... all I want to say is that we are all here for you and thinking of you and your family.

I wish there was more we could do - thinking of you

Jo

[Neil_1]

Dear Matt

Just a quick post to say that I'm thinking of you, as a number of us are.

I know you won't be ok ... nor will your family.

Please take care,

Kind regards

Neil

[geoff]

dear Matt, today the day after the funeral maybe your worst, and god how sorry all of us are for you and your family.

I know Neil has been through, well, a similar ordeal, and sometimes even words can't heal this devastation, all they can do is to let you know that you have a heap of people feeling your sorrow, and even this word sorrow is not the strongest word to use, it's so much deeper than this.

This is like living in hell at the moment, and there's no other place lower than this to go, and we all send our biggest regards to you and to listen to your anguish and depressive thoughts all you want and there will be great responders online 24/7 I'm sure.

If only we could be on hand to actually visit you so that you can cry all you want, as we understand this hardship. Geoff.

[helpmeplease]

Dear Matt,

For a parent to have to bury a child is the worst torment any one can go through. Yesterday must of been the worst day of your life, and the pain that you and your family are feeling is heart breaking.

I too cried when I first read your post as your story is close to my heart. My step sister died suddenly when she was 15. At the time I was 18 and 3 months pregnant with my first son, I still remember the night like it was yesterday. I wont go into any more details of my heart ache as this is your time.

Please just reach out and hold dear to the rest of your family, I know how hard it is to do this, you are all hurting so very deeply, but you all need to be their for each other right now.

Please contact a councillor for all your family to see, this might seem a weird thing to do but it will truly help all of you. Some time we all need a little help, and right now you will need all the support you can get.

can you please do me one favour, after reading this go up to your wife and children and give them all the biggest hug and kiss you have ever given them.

That's all I can say write now as tears flow for your loss, well actually for all that have lost a close loved one.

HMP

[Neil_1]

Dear Matt

I back every one of Geoff's words up 100%  and double that amount for his last sentence.

Neil