Grieving before death.....

[Joie]

I always think I am crazy, grieving for my Grandparents when they are still alive. Last night I cried myself to sleep because I do not want to lose my Grandma. Because of situations, my maternal Grandparents practically raised myself and my brothers. Their home was a safe haven; a happy place. Whether we were inside in the kitchen with Grandma or outside in the paddocks with Grandpa...those are my favourite memories. I haven't been particularly close to my own Mum because events made her very reserved and in her own little world. So when I needed someone to talk to (especially a female) I would go to my Grandma.I would talk to her about my struggles, my broken heart, dreams that I had. Grandma never passed judgment, only kindness and love. However, she was strong enough to correct me if she thought I needed it. She taught me everything that a young lady needs to know in life. The last couple years her memory has been getting rather bad. At first it was just little things, but now she can hardly put sentences together. It's like she knows what she wants to say, just doesn't know how to say them anymore. Apparently she is having lots of little strokes at the front of her brain which affects her thinking ability. It breaks my heart to see this beautiful woman slipping away. I have tried not to question and not to get angry at God but I can't help it. I honestly don't know how I am going to cope without her. She is my Grandma, my sister by heart, my angel and my best friend. I almost wish I didn't love so much because then it wouldn't hurt so. When I was little and they would go on holidays; I would go into total shut down mode. I would not eat or sleep, so in the end they would take me with them. All I know is that when they (my Grandparents) got to their eternal home; I want to go with them.

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Joie,

It is an interesting situation although no matter it be our parents or grand parents, it is the natural order of things that you'd be expected to outlive them. In out society we consider the loss of a child before its parents a tragedy.

Still, if it worries you so much, you may need some help to manage your feelings and prepare you for grief when they do pass away, as we all must some day.

Talk to your GP and s/he will be able to provide options for treatment, or call the help line here or try the web chat.

None of us can stop the inevitability of death and in the course of your life you will no doubt see many people you care about pass away. I would urge you to strongly consider getting help.

Kind regards, John.

[CrashCoyote]

Hi Joie,

I am just wondering how you are going.

Kind regards, John.

[Joie]

Hi John,

Thank you for your concern. I am having better days at the moment. Strange how for so many days/weeks everything can be fine and then it just hits like a tidal wave.
I have taken up your suggestion and got a referral to see a mental health nurse. I have seen this man before, so it is good that he knows about my background.

However, when I am having a good day talking and thinking rationally... I see going to 'therapy' pointless because I already know and understand what I am being told. So I come away feeling frustration and rather an idiot. If that makes any sense.

I am going to stay with the Grandparents over the long weekend so very much looking forward to that.

Thank you once again for your thoughts.

Joie.