Grief

[Misskitkat]

Ive recently just lost my dad and still trying to process the situation. My dad and I had the most precious bond a father and daughter could ever have. I was there every single day in hospital with him. He was in ICU and it was so soooo hard seeing him like that. I wish I could have just talked to him one more time. My heart Will never be the same again.

[pl515p1]

Hello Misskitkat,
I lost dad on Sep 8th last year, just after father's day, he was/is my best friend, I lost mum in March too so I am still in shock over it all.

Dad was everything to me, and I was the type of son who would follow him around anywhere he would go. We were as close as father and son could be, even as an adult.

I would like to say that things have gotten easier with time, but for me they have not, in fact, the past few weeks have been the most difficult.

I suppose everyone is different, but the loss of him has made me feel as you do, I will never be the same, no matter what I try to do, I feel a huge part of me is gone, and now feel as if I am no longer truly awake, it is a strange feeling, some days I cannot face it, other days I try to get back into the world as dad would want me to do, but I still do not feel fully here, fully present in this world, if that makes sense.

I truly believe that some of my spirit departed with him, so maybe that is why I feel empty.

I also have visions of seeing dad as I found him in his bed, and the sight of him like that, as you know, is something that is difficult to erase from our minds, but I am trying to find a way to only picture his true face, that happy warm man.

I also wanted to share some things that helped me a bit, I have his phone, so I listen to his message that plays when he can't make it to the phone right now, and hearing his voice feels like a hug sometimes.

I also have clothing of his that I hug.

I have found that talking to him gets me through some dark nights, I talk to his photo, or I leave a message on his phone.

I also found that writing how I am feeling, writing things I want to say to him, to myself, help, not so much now, but they did.

Being outside in nature and the sun is something I try to do every day, dad was an outdoor person, and I try to follow his way.

Is there something that you and your dad shared an interest in?
Perhaps you can find that outlet, and tell your dad what you are doing, so he can be by your side along the way.

I have not got any answer to overcoming grief, as I feel it more than ever, but I encourage you to seek support with counselling or support groups if you feel you can, they are not for everyone though.

I hope you are able to find that thing that allows you to regain that connection with your dad, just writing about it here is an enormous step, and I think both our dad's are proud of us that we are seeking help.
Take care.

[DyingStar]

Misskitkat,

Big hugs to you. It's a hole that'll never be filled, and a pain that you'll never get over but can only get used to.

I lost my Dad in 2014 unexpectedly, when I'd only just migrated to Australia. Flew to my home country for his funeral etc. I cried pretty much non-stop for 2 weeks. I can still feel that stifling grief in my throat.

If possible, stay as close as you can with other close family members you have, and unless you're completely not buying the spiritual existence argument, it would really help to direct your thoughts to the world we can't see or touch.

I can only imagine seeing him in ICU and feeling completely helpless about the outcome. I don't know anything in this world that can really help with this situation, saying goodbye to your dearest person. It's just a cruel and painful process, that only with time can it gets easier.

It's important to be kind to yourself too, all the regrets one might have at this moment. Remember what your Dad would want the most, is for you to really take care of yourself, and for his loved ones to enjoy all the wonders that life has to offer.

Go outside when it's a lovely day, feel the sun, smell the grass, who knows he is not somewhere with you, just that you can't see or hear him for now?

Big love to you!