Coping with loss of young parent through suicide

[_k33t4]

Recently I lost my mother (my best friend) to a horrible suicide and to make it worse she this was her second attempt but this one left me completed blind. We spoke everyday and I thought we were confiding to each other about everything and I thought she was finally staring to get the help she needed. She was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder and was prone to rapid mood swings and also unfortunately like many, was a drinker (wine or whatever she could get her hands on). I'm at the stage that I keep blaming myself for missing the signs and for not being there to prevent it happening. I tried so hard to help her but she refused to admit there was a problem on any count - she experienced a hard life and at one stage was put on anti depression tablets - unsure if correct dosage but with drinking I guess that's hard to know. But basically I can't make sense of her passing and am struggling to do the most basic things in my own life. I just miss her so intently and and feel like I'm in a million pieces but half my soul has gone. I'm just unable to cope with the grief and was wandering if anyone who has gone through something similar can offer me advice on how to deal immediately? I am waiting on professional grief counselling but I'm also scared that I too may have the disorder as I sense I am changing and rational thoughts are rare. If any one can other some words of wisdom - please help xo

[Doolhof]

Hello precious person,

I'm so very sorry to read of your Mum's suicide, my sympathy goes out to you. This is a very distressing time for you, I can only imagine how you are feeling.

Please don't blame yourself for what has happened. It sounds like you tried so very hard to be there for your Mum. As one who has seriously thought suicide was the only answer, I know that it was only an act of fate that saved me. No amount of support from others seemed to make a difference to how I was feeling.

As for you, if it helps, then please use this place to share your anguish, your grief, hurt, confusion and what ever else it is you are experiencing. We are not professionals of mental health, we do care and can offer you a listening ear and lots of care.

While waiting for the grief counselling, keep in touch with your Dr. Let him or her know how you are coping. Use phone help lines like the one here at Beyondblue on 1300 22 4636. You will find information available here also on suicide. It may be beneficial, when you are able, to read the information about grief and loss and suicide.

There are many different stages to grief and loss. In time, you may find it beneficial to Google the stages of grief. There is also a relatively new theory called The four tasks of grieving:. I have found that to be beneficial for me.

Once again, I am so very sorry for the tragic death of your Mum Let the tears flow. Share here how you are feeling if it helps. Do you have people around you who are there for you as well?

Sending you hugs if that helps in some small way, with much sympathy, from Dools

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi $k33t4,

Welcome to the forums and I'm so sorry for your loss.

Grief huh. It's probably the toughest thing I think we'll ever go through because all of a sudden we have to find meaning in what feels like the unthinkable. I haven't lost my parent but I've lost other close family members and I know the feeling of feeling like our hearts have been torn out of our chest.

You asked for advice on how to deal immediately and I think you could ask the whole world and nobody would know. We aren't meant to deal quickly. Grief hurts because her life meant something. Her love meant something. In a way it should hurt - and don't hate me for saying that; but I feel like something would be wrong if you lost someone close to you and you didn't care. We're supposed to care.

I'm really glad that you're awaiting grief counselling because it means you want to tackle this head on. From my own experience trying to forget that it's happened can hurt more. We have to ride it; and what that looks like is different for everyone. For some they might like drawing, painting, journalling, music - trying to express it and let it out in some way. Others might prefer to get distracted - exercise, study, classes, friends, groups, hobbies - where as others want to try and let go by remembering - memory boxes, photo albums, slideshows, scrapbooking.

There is no right or wrong answer and I wish that I could take the pain away from you; and I wish that I could wave a wand to make it not hurt anymore; but I can tell you that the pain you're feeling now won't hurt as much one day.