Confusion from passed Grandfather

[Josh99]

Hi there, have been very good since the past couple of posts. Just the past couple of weeks have gotten me down really bad. My grandfather has recently just passed from lung cancer he was a very big father figure in my life and my Grandmother who has been a very big mother figure has been diagnosed brain cancer again. But I've just started dating a girl who we both get along very well and after 4 months I couldn't be any happier. But since my grandfather's funeral I've been really anxious and sad. My mind seems to be melting because I feel like me being anxious all of the time is jeprodising my relationship with my girlfriend. I love her and care about her in every way but I feel like me being sad and anxious is making me critical with things like "shes a really annoying today" when before my Grandfather passed I could tolerate alot of that. I would never want to leave her, whenever I do think about doing that I feel really sad for her and myself like it would be torture for me to do that. I mean I'm always on edge and everything seems all to much. I love her and id do anything to be with her but sometimes it's all to much for me I don't really like the fairy tale stuff where it's like " if she's the right one she'll make you feel happy 24/7". I'm not a big fan of that. I guess my question is mostly is this a normal side effect in starting up relationships in my situation. Because I feel like I'm really alone in my thoughts and I can't tell anyone without upsetting someone.

[Swan_13]

Hi Josh,

Thank you for sharing what’s been going on for you lately… you shouldn’t have to be alone with your thoughts and you’ve done a good job here describing how you’ve been feeling.

I’m sorry to hear about the passing of your grandfather, it sounds like he is someone you really look up to and someone who has played a big part in your life. Grieving the loss of a loved one is never easy, and I completely understand why you would be feeling sad and anxious a lot of the time. Not only are you trying to deal with the loss of your grandfather, but you’re also worrying about your grandmother’s health, who is also someone very important to you.

I think it makes sense that you’re struggling to tolerate little things that previously wouldn’t have bothered you when your emotions are this heightened… you’re dealing with a lot right now and I think it’s okay to forgive yourself for feeling this way. It seems like you feel pressured to behave the same way towards your girlfriend as you did before all of this happened - It might be helpful to consider whether this is an expectation that you’ve placed on yourself. Has your girlfriend said anything to you lately to make you feel as though it’s jeopardising your connection?

From what you’ve said, it sounds like you’re happy with her and would like to continue the relationship. You mentioned being worried about upsetting people by sharing your thoughts… do you feel as though telling her how you’ve been feeling lately will upset her?

It seems like you've found comfort in posting on the forums previously, so I'm glad you've been able to come back and use this as a tool to express the way you've been feeling.

Hope to hear back from you!