Zero hope

[Lilly18]

Resorting to alcohol because I’m so numb and depressed. The last few months I have hardly left my bed everything is too hard. Really feeling like a hopeless, helpless idiot. I can’t look at myself. Came on here for some reason, desperation maybe

[Loveanimals]

I am very sorry to hear you are in this state.  I know what it is like.  I have been seriously depressed for 9 months now.  I have gained weight, drink far too much.  I kind of hate myself but I also know why I am doing this. I do have to get up daily and do the chores and so forth.  I did go for a walk today which almost killed me but I felt 100% better afterwards.  I hope you have some support and I hope you can try to get yourself out of this nightmare.  Because that is what alcohol does....it makes everything 1000 times worse.   Sending love and care. xxx

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Lilly18,

A very warm and caring welcome to our forums…

I’m deeply sorry that your struggling so much with depression…

Coming into these wonderful forums is a good first step which takes a lot of courage, I have spent many days running into weeks staying in bed only getting up to feed my dogs, use the bathroom, eat and drink…it’s a horrible cycle to be in and my heart goes out to you sweetheart…..

It took me a lot of courage to visit my Dr and talk about what I was going through, actually the wonderful and caring people who was and still is supporting me here on these forums,  gently suggested I do that…it took a long time until I got enough courage to do it….but I did and the help and understanding I got from my Dr..with the mental health care plan she set up for me has helped me to understand my depression and I learnt how to manage it a bit…..I haven’t looked back since….Is reaching out to your Dr.. something that you might consider? ..

You’re definitely not hopeless or helpless because you have come here to reach out for help…by doing so you’re helping yourself the best you can and you have hope that you will be able to get through the rough times your going through….I respect you a lot for doing that…

Hope is the one thing to hold onto Lilly, if we have hope, we can take baby steps forward towards wellness, maybe we might fall or take a step or 2 backward, by holding on to our hope we get back up and try again…

Do you have things you like doing, that maybe could help distract your depressive thoughts, the kind of thing that takes up most of your concentration while doing them?.. 

Sitting with you sweet Lilly, listening to you when you feel up to talking some more…no pressure…

Thinking of you with kindness and care…hugs Sweet Lilly..

Grandy..

[Baz3]

Hey,Im really sorry that you feel that way.Some realy good stratergies is writing down what you need to do and ticking it off once yoive done it. It feels great arfter! i realy hope you can find help!!! 🙂

[Lilly18]

Thankyou. Yes my doctor is well aware of my mental health. Just realising I have gone down every road the mental health system can offer, but here Iam still like this

[therising]

Hi Lilly18

I feel for you so much as you face what I'd regard as one of the worst feelings and that is the feeling of having lost any sense of direction. I've found what that looks like resembles sitting alone in tears in the middle of nowhere at crossroads, wishing someone would come along and say 'This is exactly the direction you need to go in'. It's like waiting for someone to make a difference when you've tried every way you can possibly think of.

While psychological resources work for some folk, they don't necessarily work for others. So, it can be like you're working with everything inside a square we'll call psychology that just won't work for you. Can take months or years to reach the conclusion 'I gotta start working with stuff outside the square'. Personally, while I respect and can relate to certain elements of psychology, I'm a gal who tends to more so thrive on stuff outside the square (something I've gradually come to realise over the past few decades, especially when it comes to managing depression).

If we're a combo of mind (psychological factors), body (biological and chemical factors) and some natural stuff (beyond what's defined by psychology, biology and chemistry), the question becomes 'Which part or parts of myself do I want or need to gain a better understanding of, in order to figure out why life is feeling like some form of hell on earth?'.

I think while psychology covers a lot, what it doesn't cover extensively is a seriously depressing lack of energy and the psychological impact of that. It more so seems 'A side effect of depression is a lack of energy'. Flip the script and it becomes about researching exactly why energy's not there and there can be dozens and dozens of different and combined reasons for that. The question can also become 'What kind of energy am I actually feeling?'. If you define emotion as energy in motion, every emotion has a certain feel to it and every feeling is a telling feeling. Sometimes the problem can be certain specialists don't necessarily interpret those feelings accurately, when it comes to what those feelings are trying to tell us. Sometimes the ultimate challenge can come down to learning how to interpret feelings in the most accurate way possible, a practice that's a little outside the square. 'Every cell in my body has almost zero energy' is definitely something that has a feel to it. On the other hand, in a state of hyperactivity cells vibrate incredibly fast and you can feel the 'buzz' or vibe/vibration. While that sounds a little woo woo, it also relates to quantum physics (a fascinating area worth researching outside the square when it comes to how energy works and why we can feel it not working so well at times).

[Chocolate59]

Hi Lilly18.  I have thought of alcohol as a way out too. Even if it just numbed me for a while to take away the dark clouds & dark thoughts. I haven't drank, thank goodness.  I know I have an addictive personality so it scares me enough with all the medication I'm on.  I feel for you. It's a horrible place to visit. A Dr once said to me if it was a physical illness people would feel for you but when it's in your head they just don't get it.  I wish I had some words of wisdom for you - I do know if I could go back I'd definitely go to a naturapath for treatment. The amount of tablets, Injections and even hospital therapy is scary when I look back. The side effects that came with the medications are horrible. Everything from constipation to dizziness.  I'm not sure of prices for natural therapies - not cheap - but I'd prefer them to the pharmacy meds. Really wish you well & when you come out the other side can have happier times. 

MUSIC 🎶 often helps your mood 💯 👌   hugs 

[David35]

I would encourage you to stay off the alcohol. You may feel better at the time, but long term it tends to isolate you. I've been there myself. I endedmup alienating my parents by blaming them for not listening. There are some good YouTube videos by the School of Life. They may help. The author describes depression as a sadness whose cause is currently unknown. Unlike day to day sadness whose reasons we are probably aware of. Depression is long term and it's usually only with the help of a trained professional to uncover what's beneath the surface. I like to thing of your state of mind as an iceberg. The top part is visisble to yourself (sadness, anxiety,etc.) Whereas the bottom larger part is the reason for all of this (past disappointments, loss, etc.) And remember, to put your hand up is brave. It takes a lot of courage so give yourself credit for taking the 1st step.