You know what? I've reached my limit.

[j4k3]

I'm professionally successful. If you looked at me you'd think I'm doing pretty well.

I'm on the verge of tears all the time. I broke up with my wife/gf of many years in a new city. I have no support here, or anywhere else, since we've been moving around so much. I have no support network, nowhere to go and have an extremely isolating job.

I've spent the last 3 months thinking about suicide from the time I wake up until I sleep. I can't take it any more. I even find myself online planning the best method with the least repercussions if it doesn't happen to work (and I plan on it working... I just don't want to end up a vegetable). I think I've selected the method.

Honestly? I've just had enough. Life isn't fun any more. I'm not even sure why I'm posting this.

[vip]

Hi j4k3 look people look at me and say you are perfect your life is perfect ect ect and when i tell them about my depression and whats been going on with me they are in shock and say noway. Ive been where you are at and i totally understand all of it please see a GP and a psych and get this all sorted you are speaking from a really depressed state here honestly if you are on medication and when it does kick in these feelings do go away slowely . Life is awful when we are depressed but it does get better please seek the professional help asap. takecare

[MaryG]

Hey j4k3, you could be describing me or I'm sure many other people reading this. I am professionally successful and yes from the outside things look pretty terrific. But I get the feeling of isolation and hopelessness. I've been there too. 

There must be a medical centre or a local GP you can visit as a first step. My first attempt to get help a couple of years ago was really tough and the Dr at the medical centre I visited seemed a little overwhelmed by this tearful woman who walked in and said that she couldn't cope. I had never seen him before and in some ways that made it a little easier. He referred me to a psych (that I never went to btw) I wasn't ready then. But at least someone had listened to me for 10 minutes  and I didn't feel quite so alone. I wish that at the time I knew about this forum because there is a lot of help here too. You can ring lifeline too anytime. 

[Colin]

I believe each of us has some unique purpose in life to fulfil. That said, life can deal out some very challenging experiences. Even in the worst of these experiences there are lessons that we can salvage.

You've certainly been dealt some hard experiences, particularly with the ending of a valued relationship. This on it's own would be enough to spur on a spate of depression. Add to this a strange location and you can be engulfed in loneliness like a black hole.

I read somewhere - 

I went out to find a friend and couldn't find one anywhere.

I went out to be a friend, and found them everywhere.

While it takes enormous effort to extend yourself when you feel so depleted of energy and motivation the act of giving and connecting with others can feed your soul and create a sense of purpose. These only need to be small acts like greeting someone or letting someone go before you while in a line.

You have something unique to give- what is it?