would like some help please!

[EJT]

I am seeking some tips on how to approach my mother to tell her how I feel and how I think I may possibly have depression?
I am afraid that she will dismiss my feelings, and ultimately feel uncomfortable at the thought of telling her. I want to seek professional help to enable me to understand and cope with my feelings and to know whether what I am feeling is 'normal' (lack of a better word) or is due an underlying issue. My father has depression, which has worsened severely since my parents broke up (I am in grade 11, they split in grade 5). He does not know that I know that, and only told me he had depression several months ago.

It is only recently that I have felt these symptoms worsen (app. past 3 months). I have been moving houses, and am still in the process of finding a new house to live in. The process is unbelievably frustrating and has made my overall mental health worsen severely. My productivity levels have stunted immensely over the past few months, and I feel so unmotivated. The best way I can describe how I feel is empty. I feel void of emotions a lot of the time, and will go through these periods several times a week (lasting 1-3 hours) where I feel extremely tired (even though I may have received adequate sleep that night) and like i'm just existing, like the world is operating around me but i'm frozen in time or in slow motion. In addition to this, I experience lots of anger and frustration, and the smallest things may set me off. I've lost enjoyment in lots of activities, and struggle to focus. I discussed them with my closest friends, one of which said she experienced the same feelings as well as point out that they are symptoms of depression. I have considered it momentarily before, but never seriously until now. I don't want to label it and self-diagnose or even suggest that I may have it as I feel like people will respond by thinking I am an attention seeker. This is also why I also struggle to voice my concerns to my parents, the last time I did so to my mother (about trouble concentrating in school and exhibiting ADHD symptoms) she dismissed my worries, and told me that it was because I spend "too much time on my computer" or other similar reasons.

[TheBigBlue]

Hi EJT,

Im sorry to hear you are feeling this way. The symptoms do sound like depression, but only a medical professional can ultimately determine that for you.

Is it essential to talk to your mother before seeing the GP? Because another option would be to see the GP or psychologist first & then once you know the situation you can then tell her & let her know who you have seen & what the diagnosis was.

For me personally, I have been very depressed the past few weeks, to the point where I had on a number of occasions considered doing the worst.

i do see a psychologist & she strongly recommended I tell my mum, but I just can’t. Similar to the way you think your mum would react , my mum just tells me to “think about something else” when I told her I had anxiety & depression.

so when my situation got worse, I decided against telling her. I speak to my GP, my psychologist, my partner, my closest friend & my manager at work.
I do believe it’s important to speak to someone, but it’s up to you who you do or don’t include in that circle.

[mocha delight]

I completely know how you feel and my mum says I spend way to much time on my iPad. And I wish I had some tips & advice on speaking about it to your mom but unfortunately when I brought it up with my mum she completely ignored it and changed the topic. I also brought it up with another family member who I thought we had a great relationship family wise but I was so very wrong about that as that chat ummm yeah really did not go well and made me feel way worser to say the least.

[therising]

Hi EJT

You've definitely been through some serious challenges in the past and, without a doubt, you're experiencing some intense challenges in the present. Having your mum relate to how you're feeling might be difficult or it might be easier than you imagine. The reason I say easier is based on the possibility that she's faced some incredible lows herself at times.

If you do think she'll have difficulty relating to how you're feeling, it perhaps becomes a matter of thinking about certain ways in which she could best relate. If you don't think she'll be able to relate to 'depression', don't mention depression from the angle of officially labeling it. Instead you could describe what a depression looks and feels like (create a bit of imagery for her to relate to). Eg: 'Mum, you remember what we went through some years back with the separation, I never realised the ways in which it led me to feel down. With the stressors of school and the move that we're facing now, I never realised until now how all this has led me to feel down. Mum, I've got to the point where I feel so down emotionally and so low in energy, that I am physically, mentally and emotionally exhausted. I need help getting out of this low or depression and I can't do it on my own anymore. I want to speak to someone who can help me understand what I'm going through and who can help me understand how I can raise myself out of it'.

If she insists 'Just get on with things. You'll be right. Everyone goes through tough times'. It's perfectly reasonable to respond with 'Mum, the lows have become so low for me to the point where I can't handle them on my own'.

When some folk hear mental health labels, they can automatically go into 'closed mind' mode. Opening their mind in the way of helping them relate is a must if we're seeking understanding. Eg: Whilst many of us experience attention deficit/hyperactivity to varying degrees, explaining to someone that you experience it to the point where it's creating a life changing degree of disorder or disruption throughout your days, indicates the need for order or professional guidance in the ways of managing the mind (aka the brain at work).

You are an amazing person EJT. You're already on the path to mastering self understanding, in knowing that you need to learn more when it comes to how you tick. Seeking out a professional in the way of the mind, as a way of coming to know yourself better, is a brave, mature intelligent move. Your mum should applaud you.

🙂