Work trouble

[Lov3]

Hi everyone, back again with another issue in my life. Everyone here is always so helpful and have such great advice so I thought it would be a great place to air my thoughts.

Work is my biggest problem and is causing me to have problems in my personal life.

I have been at my job for 11 years and the past 9 months it has been so horrible. Last year things got on top of me and I ended up seeing a dr and getting on anti depressants. I also took my long service to help clear my head. I came back possitive but that was when things went bad. My boss said I wasn’t doing a good job and ended up taking over my position and putting me back where I started! I literally have a cardboard box for my things. I explained my anxiety and depression but it’s almost made things worse, he’s at me constantly. I’m in tears too often. I get great feedback from staff and customers, so I just don’t get it.

I have told him I will finish up at the end of the year but every day is like a week. I completely shut off outside of work because I feel so miserable. I don’t want to sleep because I have to go back the next day.

If I change jobs, I know I will drop about $10 an hr in wages so I have to stay until September to pay my car. But then will need a job right away. If I stay until the end of the year I will have savings to take time off and find a job.

Question is can I make it! I worry if the end is too far I might explode early but I’m scared to need a job right away. On top of the fact that I’m starting again which is scary in itself.

Thoughts?

[Lov3]

I’m not in a good place and I’m not strong at all at the moment and I don’t react ‘normally’ to certain things, like criticism can make me break down and then I feel like I’m losing it and I keep getting told it’s unprofessional to get upset at work, which I understand but I can’t control it. Then I feel worse coz I’m like am i worse than I realise, should I not be in public?!

I said today I will leave end of September instead of end of December so hopefully i can do the four months knowing it’s coming to an end soon and can spend some time on my resume and looking at jobs which will keep my mind busy?

I feel sick when I think of going back tomorrow.

I’m also scared I’m in the worst place to be starting a new job but too bad I guess, I can’t continue like this.

Oh man I feel so stressed

[Doolhof]

Hi Lov3,

Sorry it has been a while since you have received a response here. I have been away for a while and the forum can sometimes become very busy with threads getting moved further down the list. Just goes to show how many people need help out there which is a bit of a blight on society for not stepping up and helping people more.

I'm really sorry you have hit such a hard place right now. It must be a struggle to keep going. A new job might be the answer, you will also need to try and sort out your issues now as unfortunately hassles can follow us from here to there!

When I was working and really struggling, I would often go somewhere private and call one of the help lines like the one here at Beyondblue or Lifeline. The support workers helped me return to a better place so I could continue on.

Criticism is something I don't deal with too well either so I have been trying hard to find ways to cope. My husband has Asperger's so he says some really horrible things at times that hurt like crazy and doesn't realise it, so I try not to take his comments to heart.

Try to take the criticism more lightly. Say something like "thank you for your comments. I will consider what you have said". In your mind you may be thinking horrible thoughts, try and tell yourself it is okay for someone else to have an opinion.

You know you are doing your best, that is all you can do. I find even walking around with my head help high and my shoulders back makes me feel more in control and empowered. Maybe you could give these ideas a go and see what happens.

People at work may be shocked if you thank them for their comments.

All the best to you from Dools

[Lov3]

Hi Dools,

How are you? I hope you are well and have had a good week.

Thank you for your reply. I don’t expect a response, it is nice to vent but always sooo good to get one 😊

I have taken your helpful advice and have just held my head high and kept busy and ‘happy’ and I’m going to take any further criticism lightly. It’s something I will need to work on for my future. It’s definitely helpful knowing I will be out of there soon.

Im still feeling really down and have a sick feeling from worry about having such a big change! I have to work on feeling better in myself and doing positive things and focus on the good things about a new start.

I’m sorry to hear about your husband, that must be very hard on you. I’m glad you know it is the Illness talking, but yes still would be awful to hear. I hope things get easier.

Take care 🙂

[Lov3]

Hi everyone,

I hope you all have been doing well.

I need to reach out today. Things at work are just getting tougher and tougher. Although one thing has progressed and that is time. I am much closer to my September goal and don’t want to give up, but I’m feeling worse than ever.

Just recently the boss went on leave and the other staff member stepped up to run things. One of these days I couldn’t lift some wooden backed cushions into the skip bin so I left them by the bin in a bag so they wouldn’t get water logged. I have done this before. Moments later the ‘manager’ came and asked me if they were to be thrown out. I said yep, they can go in the bin now’ then he just snapped and said go and throw them out then! And I explained I couldn’t lift them, he continued yelling and saying to do them one at a time and I said I can’t and he yelled so your job properly!


Other staff had to step in to stop and told him he was acting really inappropriately and that he should apologise, he didn’t. I went home in tears....

[Lov3]

I emailed the boss and said due to miss treatment I want to just give my minimum 4 weeks notice and leave. He asked for more information so I explained. He said he would talk with us both when he’s back and he was sorry. I mentioned maybe instead of leaving early I could take my leave. He said he’s happy with what ever. I had heard the manager was still blaming me etc so I told the boss I don’t want to sit down together because I know how it will go and that I don’t want holidays I think I should just leave after all. When he got back the manager denied it, so he ended up just saying ‘I duno what I can do...’ so I said ok I will make a formal complaint because it is not acceptable, then he said ok I will speak with the other staff that seen it and ask him to apologise and to give him some time for this and then we can work out what I’m doing. This happened but even after the other staff said yes it happened and was really bad, the manager still denied it and said I don’t listen and he didn’t yell and he won’t apologise. I heard the boss say to the manager ‘owel we have a new girl starting and hopefully she will be good’ I then went and said I can hear them and I’m done, I will leave in 4 weeks.


I am trying to stay as long as I can because I need the money as well as the leave I have built up as security but I really worry about my health. I have taken more time off this year due the depression so I have no sick leave left. I am in tears constantly and there is only one other female and she is going on leave for 2 weeks. I honestly can’t take anymore, everyday I have to be ready for a fight to defend myself and hold the tears back.

What do I do guys? 🙁

[Lov3]

I ended up leaving today. I just feel completely blank at the moment and have a sick nervous feeling in my stomach but I hope this is for the best.

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Lov3,

I’m so sorry for the late response...

I feel that must have been a very, very difficult decision to make. It does sound like things were getting very bad at work...

It must have been so disappointing that your manager denied everything and that your boss wasn’t more supportive. The whole work environment was clearly very toxic, and adversely affecting your wellbeing...

I think it was very brave of you to resign. I realise it couldn’t have been an easy decision as a lot must have been weighing on your mind...so maybe take some time to recharge and be extra gentle to yourself as this is a huge change.

kind and caring thoughts,

Pepper

[Lov3]

Hi Pepper,

I hope you have been going well! Things have been good and I haven’t regretted leaving once. It has been a huge weight lifted.

I have already started a new job and I am loving it and can see even more now how bad things really were.

I let things really get me down but I am confident now I am in a much better place to work on feeling great again

thank you so much for your support, talk soon 🙂

[Peppermintbach]

Hi Lov (and a wave to all your caring supporters),

Congratulations on your new job! That’s wonderful news and it’s great that you’re enjoying it 🙂

I am very happy to hear that things are going well for you. The relief must be enormous to be out of that toxic work environment. Really, really pleased for you and so glad you made the gutsy decision to resign.

Smiling for you and I look forward to hearing from you again 🙂 Thank you also for your well wishes...

Kindness and caring,

Pepper