Will these be the right thing and help ? depression and poss' bipolar .

[Guest_1584]

Hi all.

l can't go into anymore than this but my daughter 19 1/2 has serious depression and anxiety and they suspect mild bipolar. The poor thing had an absolute yr from hell last yr and all friendships she's grown up with and new ones are blown to bits - there's a lot more but she feels her reputation is completely blown - semi country area so you could imagine, add SM, She's been in a terrible way 3mths, mostly in bed , crying, completely down on herself. She's been to doctors and psych and when a bed comes they want to keep her in for awhile. Anyway , it's too hard to go further so please don't ask there's enough there. But there's a few things l'm wondering if they will help and are they a good idea,

Firstly , she racked up 1500 in fines, all way over due so they're probly a lot more now. l've had to sort out my own before and l know what a gruel it is to get pay offs and it all sorted. She's put it off for mths, she can't do anything let alone face those people and all the paper work and calls. So l'm thinking of paying them out and she can just pay me off, done. But is that good idea , or should she try at least to fix them herself ? But l don't even know how she could cope with that right now,

The next thing is , she wants to move away when she's well. Says she can't repair things here and doesn't even want to anyway with most of the so called friends. She certainly couldn't cope away right now but she's never been away or on her own and can't realize how hard and lonely too it will be, She has no one left and loneliness right now is just torturing her but at least she has us and her ex bf she's still friends with. But then l think , well a lot of us moved away late teens early 20s , l back packed round the country 12 mths at 19 totally alone. completely left where l grew up later too. Ex moved cities totally alone at 17 , started nursing . And as l was sayin the other day , not many actually go into adult with child hood friends anyway , most change into different directions.

We don't know, can't stop her if she does later , but would it be a solution , would she get well enough again to cope ?

Thanks for ant thoughts and advice , appreciated. rx

[blondguy]

Hey RX

at the risk of asking a dumb question mate...does your daughter see you and her mum getting along reasonably okay? Please ignore if I have asked a question that is inappropriate

Paul

[Guest_1584]

Yeah we've always got along and in touch all the time she knows that. rx.

[ecomama]

Cheeses rx, I can hear the sheer fear in your words...

Remember the helplines are for YOU too going through this situation. Please call one or more!

I RELIED on them to support me through these extremely tough times with my kids.

You're trying to maintain yourself, AND your relationship with GF AND the "stuff" with ex AND a rampant adult doing her thang.

I'm hearing what you're saying about ex being pushy too... when a parent is "too pushy" then our teens often PUSH BACK 100 x harder and if not to our faces, then well and truly partying under the radar. I'm glad ex took stuff on.

This radar is Ds now.

THIS is what she needs to hear and know for sure.

Once past 18yo or even years before that, how on earth can a parent enforce any thing?
I DON'T KNOW.

Ew I hate to say this but I would "hand the reigns BACK".

Let go. No pushing. No reminders. Nothing. Just be a solid parent within yourself. I would always leave the door open (but in my house there's a zero tolerance for drugs, all kids and their friends know it. Consequences are I call the Police and the kids can call their parents from the Police station. ZERO tolerance. Esp because it can destroy a person AND because of my career).

Please call a helpline for far better advice than I can offer!

For you.... radical self-care. This could bring you down which you cannot afford.
This can't cost your own MH gains.

Always here to support you rx.
Hugs man, this is hard.

Love EM

[Guest_1584]

Thanks as always em.

know what ur sayin and think it all so often myself too l mean nearly 20 you know. Mine said nothin to me at that age . Said to x just the other night you know what l'm sick of worrying about it only so much we can do . So yeah , thanks for that .

but look so it's a scary bloody thought for sure at the same time though yaknow, two minds and wth , just about out of our hands now l agree.

Full day tomoz and a beautiful little 3 hr drive across n through one of my fav areas so really lookin forward to that and blowing all of this crap out of there . Took out my new canoe too sat just finished redoing the whole boat ,,,, beautiful, rx therapy haha.

Sooo, you've pretty well backed up exactly what we're thinking and coming from an experienced mama such as em haha , really helpful so thanks again. rex

[blondguy]

Hi RX
you mentioned 'Yeah we've always got along and in touch all the time she knows that'

That is great news RX as I never had the benefit of communication with my ex so you have done everything possible at this time...
Im just having a read of EM's post above....Seems like great advice RX

Im sorry that you are in such a crappy place..yet you can only do so much at this time RX....same as myself

[Guest_1584]

Thanks for that Paul, and when uv gone through so much , really good of you. Were both about worried out tbh but at the same time l think that's a natural progression in this and probably a good stage to reach. Only so much we can do hey . rx

[Guest_1584]

Well , 1 bit of good news. d told x she thinks the bf was a bit made and she'll never go out with someone like him again, whata bloody relief , l noticed things about him too from day 1 but hoped l'd b wrong. Mind you , still spending time together. Grits teeth.

Anyway had a beautiful drive today with work through a gorgeous area met a very cool older Turkish guy great day all up just what the doctor ordered, even scored free grape vine cuttings , home by 2.30 but l could've stayed over there a wk it was so nice.

rx

[Guest_1584]

well, d and her mum spoke today thk God, she's still at the x bf's but said it's only friends and we can see she's firm and holds the cards so it's a huge relief he won't be roping here into anything. We can only let it play out can't do anything but that was our main worry sooooo, it's a load off.

rx