Will these be the right thing and help ? depression and poss' bipolar .

[Guest_1584]

Hi all.

l can't go into anymore than this but my daughter 19 1/2 has serious depression and anxiety and they suspect mild bipolar. The poor thing had an absolute yr from hell last yr and all friendships she's grown up with and new ones are blown to bits - there's a lot more but she feels her reputation is completely blown - semi country area so you could imagine, add SM, She's been in a terrible way 3mths, mostly in bed , crying, completely down on herself. She's been to doctors and psych and when a bed comes they want to keep her in for awhile. Anyway , it's too hard to go further so please don't ask there's enough there. But there's a few things l'm wondering if they will help and are they a good idea,

Firstly , she racked up 1500 in fines, all way over due so they're probly a lot more now. l've had to sort out my own before and l know what a gruel it is to get pay offs and it all sorted. She's put it off for mths, she can't do anything let alone face those people and all the paper work and calls. So l'm thinking of paying them out and she can just pay me off, done. But is that good idea , or should she try at least to fix them herself ? But l don't even know how she could cope with that right now,

The next thing is , she wants to move away when she's well. Says she can't repair things here and doesn't even want to anyway with most of the so called friends. She certainly couldn't cope away right now but she's never been away or on her own and can't realize how hard and lonely too it will be, She has no one left and loneliness right now is just torturing her but at least she has us and her ex bf she's still friends with. But then l think , well a lot of us moved away late teens early 20s , l back packed round the country 12 mths at 19 totally alone. completely left where l grew up later too. Ex moved cities totally alone at 17 , started nursing . And as l was sayin the other day , not many actually go into adult with child hood friends anyway , most change into different directions.

We don't know, can't stop her if she does later , but would it be a solution , would she get well enough again to cope ?

Thanks for ant thoughts and advice , appreciated. rx

[blondguy]

No worries RX....your daughter is strong as she is trying hard to find some peace in her life

Sorry mate....I will have a better read at what you have posted above...How is the quality of her sleep?....This is always a true indicator of a persons health

[quirkywords]

Random

thst is good news about the fines and the fact she organised it herself.

You asked about what to do and it is tricky. So is she on any medication at all. It is usual to not want to take medications and not want to do anything as one is so tired and has no motivation.

one day she may have enough energy to go to the coast but it could be so exhausting that she would want to stay in the couch where she may feel safe.

I can see your dilemma , being supportive is good not sure one can be too supportive . She is making small steps, out of her room, went to coast, paid fines , in fact they are some big steps.
I can’t give advice as you know her,but she knows you care and are there for her even if she seems negative. I may have mentioned this before does she like writing or art or a craft, anything she may do while on the couch. Of course she may have no interest in anything.

Does she keep in contact with any friends.?

if she is on phone there are apps she may like. I am not up on these but you could look them up.

just wanted to say you are doing well by caring and being there. Also by writing this thread and sharing your experience you help others reading but not posting in this same situation.

take care

[Guest_1584]

Thanks a lot quirk, your incredible support for people round here especially with your own very big things going on , and l know many will appreciate it.

l'll come back tonight but ahh, tbh quirk l hate talking about it and l'm trying to keep it to a min tbh, l not only feel like l'm betraying her bc she'd hate that l am , but it just doesn't help going into it too much especially publicly like this. Of course though unfortunately l obviously have to give at least some detail though if you guys are gonna help l know. Anyway yeah she is sleeping , a lot , so l guess that's good , and eating too. Won't cook though just grabs anything easy.

Back later. rx

[Guest_1584]

Just for one and all , tbh all l really wanted with the thread is any advice people might have on how to help , any do's and don't's , anything at all really on just how to help and to get her through this and back into life. l really can't go into anymore detail tbh but l think there's plenty there that give a pretty good picture .

Thanks to all. rx

[Guest_1584]

ps,

yeah she's actually getting a lot of sleep , and eating well also.

ps ps , is a job say part time , or study , too much for her right now , or might it actually help ?

rx

[blondguy]

Hey RX....If your daughter doesnt have anxiety attacks I dont see an issue with part time/casual employment

• Your daughter is sleeping well...Excellent ✔
• Your daughter is eating well...Excellent ✔

Difficulty sleeping and/or lack of appetite are the first two indicators of a person having a 'tired mind' or having difficulty coping on a day to day basis

just as per my own experience if thats okay RX

I hope you are doing okay.....Paul

[Guest_1584]

Thanks paul.

But no of course l don't mind the only reaso l'm going through this is to hopefully get advice and help. l'm amazed there's not more really l'm in a depression n bp forum . But anyway it just goes to show then how varied and different the combos in these things must be then. Bc nah , unfortunately and very sadly , major anxiety attacks they scare us shytless and the mind is so tired and torn it's heartbreaking. So l guess it's strange then by the sounds then the still sleeping and eating, she might get that from me. Right through this past 9 yrs and the biggest crap of my life l've never lost apatite once , and l've always slept even my skrink back when couldn't work it out. The fact that l'm up all night isn't usually , not always but mostly not bc l can't actually sleep it's just bc l love being up all night. But when l do feel like actually going to sleep l usually sleep like a log, usually.

Anyway , thanks mate. rx

[ecomama]

Hey rx, I applaud your efforts with your girl.

I'm dealing with things of a MH / MI nature with 2 of my daughters atm. I've sought mountains of advice from MH professionals to help me support them.

I can SEE how far your d has come since you first began this thread.

These steps are FORWARD and that's freaking brilliant, so kudos to all of you.

Affirming ALL the positive steps she makes and has made will help her believe she can believe in herself.
What a cracker that she sorted those fines! WOW.
I think she surprised all of us there and what a triumph of achievements that was.

Since my eldest d was young, I used to say she was a "push me, pull you", as in like a Dr Dolittle analogy. Then with other d later on, same.

For youngest d the term "Oppositional Defiance Disorder" was bandied to me by psychs.... THIS is what I needed to address with calm and consistent 'light chats' as it were, initiated mostly by her.
The magic sentence that seemed to over turn this for us was telling her I was not OPPOSITE to her. I was behind her all the way supporting her for whatever she needs.

I wasn't going to "make" her do any thing.
It was completely up to her what she choices she made, as this is HER life to create, not mine.
I would support her all the way.

Late last year a helpline trauma psych told me to do "radical self-care" for the situation.
I thought that was stupid advice for ME to look after MYSELF 'radically'?? But then it was echoed by 3 more psychs.

So I DID. Now I've seen MH growth in ALL of my children.

Rx whatever you've been doing is WORKING.
"Being consistently and persistently yourself" in our r/ships was more advice from my Counsellor which moved things very well.

So often we become so afraid that things are so bad for them, we feel our power over helping at all is totally vacuumed out.
But it's not.

She may do the elastic band thing of stretching OUT away from home, then needing you guys and coming back. This is AWESOME. She knows she can depend upon you and before your very eyes, she is learning to take responsibility also.

Moving away, getting a job, studying is up to her. SHE is creating her own life. She needs you and I'm so happy for her that she has you, but this is HER life to take by the reins and start wielding some agency over. Slowly is all good rx.

You're supporting and teaching her well.

Love EM

[Guest_1584]

Hey em.

Can't thank you enough for the encouragement advice and specifics . You poor thing , two , my God the drain on you must be incredible , do they get along ? That would be huge having each other , l think one of the biggest things through this is that she feels so alone. but l've always said, my family is huge, huge , yet not one of them are any help , they're actually a burden to this day it's just bloody exhausting even thinking about them, often wished l was an only child too.

Anyway , l'll come back tonight , need coffee , huggems , rx

[ecomama]

Hey rx, you are most welcome. We all care about you very much!
You have your "Army of support" here lol, so Onwards and UPwards!

If there's any way to communicate how alone we can all feel throughout our lives, bringing this "alone-ness" feeling into a 'shared human experience' then you can do this in very gentle conversations with d. (Kristen Neff is good to watch for free online for this).

It's pretty much par for the course thru our teen years and then we realise it's a REAL thing through adulthood. Beginning to get a grip on this will help her forever more.

In fact it can be empowering knowledge.

I have so many children rx, your mind would boggle! lol.
Each of them has shared the "I'm SO ALONE" in their struggles and indeed they are, even in a big family.

I've learnt to listen intently, without sharing anything, UNTIL they ASK.
I check whether they WANT my take on things.
Sometimes they've said "No thanks lol I already know what you're going to say".
Other times they say YES PLEASE!!
Only then do I share.

These 2 daughters are a generation apart in age. "Close" yes, they're all very compassionate beings with good souls & lots of love for each other. BUT it comes at a price as we all know -
total upheaval at times etc. Eldest d lives in her home, has 50% care with all her children etc. Youngest d is still in school (just!), was "Aunty" to all those children at a very young age, so yeah it's BIG.

Back stories of extreme abuse of every type. Things have settled down more with ends of Courts Phase 15. Another set prob coming up...deep breath.
I single parent all of my children, both sets.

I try to find out WHAT makes each of my kids "tick" or "sparkle", then back them up with their own plans. They're all so different in their paths.

It's ALL good.
We live to see another day and with a new day there are endless possibilities.

Love EM and hugs right back at ya big fella. 🤗