Why Am I Here?

[adamc]

The last two days when I've been out of my solo walks, I can't help but wonder why I am still here and every time I break down into tears.

I'm 37, I finished high school in 2001 and have gotten nowhere in life. I have never gotten any support or encouragement I feel out of place at home. Over the years, girls/women that ever expressed an interest in me turned out to be only pretending. When a girl finds out I like her, they either say "Ewww!" or make prank calls to my home.

I've lately been watching videos on YouTube where returning servicemen surprise family members that haven't seen them for some time and it makes me think if I ever decided to join the services as something simple as an inventory specialist, I wouldn't answer letters from home nor would I return home on leave.

When my cat had a vet appointment the other day, because of the stupid rules and restrictions, I couldn't even be in the consult room with him so I could talk about any concerns I had.

And every time I see on the news where police harass members of the public over something as silly as an old lady not being allowed to stop for breath on a walk while ignoring misconduct of ministers, it only makes it worse. It makes me feel sick.

[Sophie_M]

Hey adamc,

Thanks for reaching out and sharing your thoughts and feelings with our friendly community. We're so sorry to hear that you've been feeling so low, we can hear that these feelings must be really overwhelming and tough to cope with. But please know that these forums are a safe space, free of judgement to express these feelings, and our lovely community is here to help support you through this. 

On top of everything you're going through, we can hear that these restrictions must also be frustrating and upsetting for you, especially when you couldn't be in the consult room with your cat at the vet appointment. Please know that support is always available from the friendly counsellors at our Coronavirus Mental Wellbeing Support Service on 1800 512 348, available to you 24/7. There are also online self-help tips and tools to help people cope and manage, professional counselling by online chat, and links to a range of other services and tools at their website: https://coronavirus.beyondblue.org.au/

We'd also really encourage you to reach out to the lovely counsellors at our Beyond Blue Support Service (1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467) to talk through these thoughts and feelings. These services are always available to, as often as you need, night or day. You never have to keep these feelings bottled up inside.

We hope you feel free to keep updating us on how you're feeling whenever you are ready, we're all here to help you through this.

[chloe_xx]

Hi adamc,

Thank you for reaching out to us, I am sorry you are feeling this way. YOU are a strong individual who has accomplished so much in your life!

It is awful that these women/girls have pranked called you, and that says more on them than you. If you are into watching YouTube videos, may I recommend TED talks (they are amazing). Some of my favourite ones include;

- the puzzle of motivation

-the power of introverts

-inside the mind of a master procrastinator

Please feel free to reach out to the support networks and hotlines Sophie has mentioned above.

Take care,

Chloe

[DeepBlue1771]

Hi Adamc,

Just wanted to tell you I'm sorry that you couldn't be with your cat in the consultation room with the vet, and that you're definitely not alone in your view that these lockdown rules are completely absurd and cruel. More and more people are waking up to what's really going on, however unfortunately many people still believe the mainstream narrative and for some reason desperately want to hold onto that narrative. Fear is a powerful control mechanism.

Anyway, you're not alone, and keep the faith that things will change for the better soon.

[adamc]

chloe, deepblue; Thank-you.

I can't understand why girls/women treat me like that. Do they think it funny to pretend to like someone? At the end of this month, it would be a year since I originally decided to sign up to a social site to make a Japanese penpal as I love the language and culture but was cheated by two Chinese women who clearly was only interested in seeing what they could get out of me. Luckily I stopped all of that back in April. I will never do anything like that again. It just further proves the fact that I'm better off alone.

If I was given a sheet to fill out with questions like "I'm at my happiest when..." I would simply answer "When I'm alone" as I don't like getting happy as things tend to go wrong when I am.

My mum and eldest sister are still going on about getting another dog but now it's turned to "desperately needing" which many adoption places would not think much of. It still disgusts me when they wanted another one 2 days after my beloved Kelli passed away (to what I still don't know).