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why am i always miserable no matter what?

Missberri
Community Member

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to post because I'm not having the best time lately.. I recently graduated with a uni degree, have moved to a new city and got a new proper career job and for some reason I'm just so unhappy.

When I was living in my old city with my parents I was unhappy too and I couldn't wait to move away and start a new job and a new life somewhere else and just be done with uni and studying all together. But, now that I'm here I feel horrible. My job was so draining even for the first week and I'm missing so many things about my old home. I just don't feel right and it feels awful. I just wonder if I'm ever going to feel okay, it's like no matter what I do I find something negative about it and I try to look at the positives but the negatives are so strong that it just does nothing..

I just wish I knew what to do.. I don't know if I'm following the right career path anymore and I don't know if this is why.. I hate the idea of sitting at a computer screen all day but this is what I'm doing and it feels so unfulfilling and like such a waste of time. I wish I could be helping people in some way but unfortunately that is not what I studied 😕 I don't know if i want to be in a big city or if I want to be somewhere quiet and peaceful like my old home.. I just feel so lost and confused and just wish I could feel happy for once and I'm not..

6 Replies 6

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

hello Missberri, I'm sorry you feel this way, but I can see that you're homesick, not so much about missing your parents, but the surroundings that you loved, I have been in this exact position myself, and even if I go away to visit my 2 little granddaughters who I dearly love, as soon as I get there I want to come home.
That feeling of being somewhere only wishing to be away from it all, only to find out it's not where you want to be, and by sitting at a desk on the computer isn't much incentive, especially when you're young and living in a big city, which you're not used to, how scary is this, enormous.
Whatever degree you have, doesn't mean that you have to continue on with this career, change and look out for for something that excites and rewards you, then youwill feel as though you're achieving something in life.
Uni degrees are good on paper but it's not the perfect career when you think about it, I've got a diploma and it means nothing, and certainly hasn't taken me into the field that I have actually accomplished.
Move around, find somewhere that maybe quiet and is a small town, don't restrict yourself to feeling as though you're stuck, because what will happen is what is happening to you right now, everything is negative, and if you aren't able to begin to feel any better then please go and see your doctor, you won't be able to achieve anything while you are in this frame of mind.

Please I would love to hear back from you. Geoff.


blondguy
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Missberri

You have written a great thread topi and its a good one too

Firstly if I can congratulate you on your graduation and achieving your degree. That is a serious accomplishment!

Just from what I have read you are living in a new city (thats a huge step as you would know anyway) I dont know how long you have been in your new career but the relocation on its own would have a huge effect on me if I was in your situation MIssberri. You have not only done well academically but you have relocated as well...

You were also unhappy living with your parents too which is understandable for many young people including myself as I moved out from my parents when I was 16 and passed HSC living elsewhere.

You are an intelligent and well articulated person MIssberri. Can I ask if you have even a small support network of one or two (or more) people that you can 'lean on' at the moment? We all need a good vent and having that 'support network' to take the weight off our shoulders so we can move forward. I know I do..

Whether your career path is right or wrong is something we dont have control over....as we speak. You have worked very hard to achieve what you have and many people have changed direction successfully as you may too

You mentioned " I wish I could be helping people in some way but unfortunately that is not what I studied". Can I ask you what ideas you may have about helping people? Just to let you know I have been in senior management roles and have changed my mind re my vocation many times. At present I choose to help people here on the forums as a volunteer and am really happy doing so.

You have so much to give Missberri. There is no urgency. I cant stand 'old sayings' but 'Haste makes Waste' has always kept my thinking in check (just for me that is)

The Beyond Blue forums have many gentle young people that are in the same situation. I really hope you can stick around as Uni to a Career is a big step and taking your time will be in your best interests...really

You are strong and amazing for being so proactive to have posted Missberri

you are not alone & please post back if you wish!

Paul

Ellie05
Community Member

Hi Missberri,

I have this feeling a lot myself. I'm always second guessing whether the life decisions I've made are the right ones and if I should be in a different career, different city or off traveling instead. We have so much choice these days and whilst this is a great thing, some people think it's a big contributor to anxiety in some people. You're currently experiencing two massive life changes (a new home and a new job) so it's perfectly natural for you to be feeling overwhelmed. I can tell you that the first week at any new job is always exhausting. Your mind is just whirring, taking in so much new information every day. It does get easier, especially if you start forming friendships with colleagues who can act as a support system.

The good news is that you don't have to make any major decisions right away. You're only a week in so things are bound to be overwhelming right now. Why not give yourself a timeline to stick to (say a month or so) and then reevaluate at the end of that period. If you're still unsure by that time then you can always set another timeline or if find that you are desperately unhappy then you can always just pack up and head home. Just having a degree in itself is quite valuable to employers, you'd be amazed at how many different career options there are out there.

Hi Geoff and Paul

Thanks a lot for your posts! I really appreciate you taking the time to help me and giving me some different perspectives.

@Geoff

I think you are definitely right. I am feeling really homesick at the moment. It's really hard for me to tell if I'm going to continue feeling this way or if I just need to adjust.. I don't want to give up on living in this city too quickly because there are some things I like about it (like a lot more to do) but I'm not sure if I'll ever feel fully comfortable here. I guess it doesn't feel like a home to me.. it's very crazy and busy and that's not what I'm used to at all. Maybe if I stick it out for a bit longer it will feel like home, but I'm not sure if I'll be able to stay that long 😕

Thanks a lot as well for your insight on following my career path. I chose to do a communications degree when I was younger, but the more I'm learning about it and being exposed to this kind of working environment the more I dislike it. But I also am worried if I follow another path that I would feel the same way anyway and it makes me so confused, although I would love to find something that makes me feel happy and fulfilled. I guess I just feel very unstable and lost right now and wish I knew exactly what I'm doing, and what my passions are and what I'm good at. I guess I just feel like a mess that's just doing things because I don't know what else to do.

@Paul

Thanks for your advice. I know what you mean about being too hasty! I do feel like I need to give myself more time before making any rash decisions and see how I really feel in at least a few months. In terms of helping people I would love to work in something like disability, counselling, youth work or anything where I can help others.

I do have a friend here who I've talked to about it and I've also talked to my mum a bit, but most people say I shouldn't waste my degree since I've already done it.. I guess maybe it's best for me to see how I go for a while and hopefully I will feel differently and start to like it, but I'm really not sure if an office is for me and not sure if I can picture doing this kind of work for the rest of my life 😕

hi Missberri thanks for your reply to both of us, however if you want to put your degree on the back burner, doesn't mean that you'll be forgetting about it, because there are always going to be advancements in technology every year that could be changing so quickly, in other words, the world is developing at a fast rate so everything will become much easier and quicker for those using it.
I think we wonder about different career changes, sometimes we just fall into doing them either by chance or want or perhaps something automatically inspires you, but don't be afraid to follow your dreams and if desk work isn't particularly what you plan to do for the rest of life, then be brave, otherwise it's going to be an awful life for you, and that's not what we want for you. Geoff.

Hi Ellie05

Thanks for your reply! Sorry I didn't see it yesterday.

It's good to know I'm not the only one who feels this way. And yeah I do think having so many options to choose for does cause anxiety for some. For me, I can't help but think I'm not doing enough all the time, I should be further along in my career, I should be making different choices. It's tough especially when you see others who know exactly what they want and seem to have it all together.

I think that's a good idea to set myself time limits. I don't think I want to quit straight away, but I don't want to feel stuck either if I'm not happy.. I feel like this path was something I chose when I was younger, but my interests and myself as a person has changed so much since then.. ughh but you never know maybe I will end up enjoying this more once I've settled.

@Geoff

Thanks a lot for your response again!

And you're right as well, a degree means a lot even if I were to change my field. I definitely want to keep what you've said in mind. Although I want to try this path for a bit longer I do want to find what does inspire me and makes me feel good going to work I guess there's no reason to stay stuck if I'm not happy. I'd be the only one stopping myself from following something better in that case.

I think over time I'll figure out what I want to do, but I really really appreciate getting such great advice thank you!!